David Tieche's Blog

Robin Hood + John the Baptist

2011-02-17T13:44:00.000-08:00

Growing up, my parents invested in a set of 12 books called "Great Illustrated Classics." Great books. Pictures on every other page. Half-comic book, half-serious literature.

My favorite book of the 12 - bar none - was Robin Hood. I think every young boy loves Robin Hood. The idea of this wily, crafty bandit with exceptional powers of archery outsmarting his dastardly foes in order to redistribute immorally seized resources from corrupt local governments strikes at the heart of every blooming economist...er...boy.

My favorite chapter in the book was when Robin’s third in command, Will Scarlet, is captured by the villainous Sheriff of Nottigham. Knowing that killing Scarlet would demoralize Robin Hood’s band, the Sheriff plans to hang the man for treason. But the Sheriff also feels as though killing Scarlet publicly could draw Robin Hood out into the open, so he sets a trap for him, just in case he tries something.

Of course, because he’s Robin Hood, he has to go attempt to save Will Scarlet’s life. The men dress up like friars, in brown robes and mill about inconspicuously among the crowd. But they can’t move too soon, or their cover will be blown.

Scarlet is led to the gallows. His young face feverishly scans across the massive crowd for signs of hope – signs of familiar faces, a signal that help has come and will rescue him.

But he sees no such sign. Terror overwhelms him as he is pushed off the platform. The rope around his neck grows taut and Scarlet knows that no help is coming to save him. His close calls have finally caught up with him.

At that moment, Robin Hood blows his horn. The men spring into action. Robin Hood draws his longbow and lets fly a single arrow. It soars through the air, lancing the rope holding Will Scarlet’s flailing body. Scarlet drops to down, right into the arms of Little John, who is in a wagon, galloping past the gallows.

The guards attempt to stop the Band the Thieves but it is no use. Once again, they have been outsmarted.

This scene resonates with me for a number of reasons. First off, it speaks to the heroism and dedication that all young men dream of in their friends. We all long to belong to a devoted band of friends willing to all risk their life for you, if it came to that.

But secondly, it reminds us that in the end, Good wins. Even when it looks like Evil is going to win, Good will come through with a daring, last minute rescue.

How This Relates to the Bible

So, how does this relate to the Bible? Well, I am in the process of reading through the New Testament using a Bible companion called the “Jewish New Testament” written by Rabbi David Stern (not the NBA Commissioner, but a devout Jew who came to accept that Christ really was the Messiah after studying the life of Jesus).

So, right now, I am in Matthew 11. I didn’t say I was very far.

Anyway, reading through that, I came across this passage, which has always perplexed me a bit.

Matthew 11
1After Jesus had finished instructing his twelve disciples, he went on from there to teach and preach in the towns of Galilee. 2When John heard in prison what Christ was doing, he sent his disciples 3to ask him, "Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?"

Now, this verse makes me say "Wha-what" for a number of reasons. First off, there’s no way that John the Baptist really needs to know the answer to this question. He was there when Jesus was baptized and a loud voice said, from the sky, “This is my son, with whom I am well pleased.”

If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.

Also, it says that John knew Jesus in utero. In Luke 1, it says:

39A few days later Mary hurried to the hill country of Judea, to the town 40where Zechariah lived. She entered the house and greeted Elizabeth. 41At the sound of Mary's greeting, Elizabeth's child leaped within her, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.

So clearly, John doesn’t need any additional information that Jesus is the Messiah. So what is going on here?

Stern says it’s code. According to all the old Rabbis who had combed the Scriptures, there were 7 Key Things that the Messiah was definitely going to do. These things were all taught because the Rabbis wanted to make sure good Jewish boys and girls could grow up to recognize the Messiah when He came. Those seven things were.

1. Make the blind see (Isaiah 35:5, 29:18)
2. Make the lame walk (Isaiah 35:6, 61:1)
3. Make the deaf hear (Isaiah 35:5, 29:18)
4. Raise the dead/Heaven with Life (Isaiah 11)
5. Help the poor (Isaiah 61:1)
6. Heal the infirm/sick (Isaiah 61:1)
7. Free the captives (Isaiah 61:1)

Notice the last one. Free the captives.

John was asking, in code, “Are you going to rescue me, because it’s not looking too good and I even hear they might think about killing me if they get the chance.”

He was saying, “If I go to the hangman’s noose, can I count on you to save me?”

What’s amazing to me is the response of Jesus. Look what He says.

4Jesus replied, "Go back and report to John what you hear and see: 5The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. 6Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."

Jesus goes though every single one of the signs of the Messiah. But He leaves one out. He leaves out the Free the Captives. In code, Jesus responds to the question of John the Baptist by saying, “No. No, you won’t be rescued.”

Sometimes, God doesn't save us in the way that we expect. Sometimes, God doesn't show up in the way that we would have planned. Sometimes, cancer wins. Sometimes, AIDS wins. Sometimes, she leaves and there's nothing you can do about it.

But Jesus goes on to say that among those born of man, John the Baptist is the greatest. But that even the least in the Kingdom of Heaven are greater than he was. Why? John the Baptist was the greatest because he came at the end of a long line of prophets, but he alone got to actually see and speak with God incarnate.

But John didn't have something that all of us have: the knowledge of the end of the story.

John didn't know that God would lay down his life for all of us.

John didn't know that Jesus would conquer the one obstacle that no man had ever been able to defeat: death.

John didn't know that in the end, love wins.

But we do.

And that should give us hope.

Losing My Religion

2009-12-29T21:17:00.001-08:00

Losing My Religion by William Lobdell
A Book Review of a Very Good Book and Some Thoughts on My Own Faith Experience With Jesus

By David Tieche

Some Brief Background:

A few weeks ago, my friend Justin gave me a book to read. “Read this,” he said. “It’s kind of messing me up a bit. I want you to read it and tell me what you think.”

This worried me. You see, Justin is one of my favorite people in this world. There are certain people in this world who I think are made of the same fabric. That’s Justin and I. He and I think very similarly about life and faith. We’re followers of Jesus for nearly the same reasons. Our stories, our backgrounds and our personalities are eerily similar and the things that drive us UP THE WALL about Christians the Church are also nearly identical. If I were Filipino, and could dance, I would swear we were related.

So when he said this book was “messing with him” I knew I had to read it.

Outsiders vs. Insiders
Now, I’ve read lots of books critical of Christianity. Some are written by “outsiders” who point out some glaring faults with religious systems. They really dislike church, and think the world would be better if most religious people just stopped breathing.

Some of these books are written by “insiders” who are equally critical, but from a reformer’s perspective. They love the Church, and want to see it live up to its ideals. They see the problem as a cancer that can and should be excised. Both groups throw stones, many of which are well-deserved.

That being said, I don’t tend to sympathize with the “outsiders” very much. As Augustine once said, the church might be a whore, but she is my mother. And you don’t talk about someone’s mother that way. The sense of disrespect from those outside the community of faith was too palpable. The anti-religious tenor of their works dismissed religious people using broad – and unfair strokes. They dismissed me so I felt justified – to a certain extent – in dismissing them. Plus, anyone who makes blanket statements like, “religion is mythology” and “the world is better off without religion” is reframing human history in an entirely inaccurate way . Their thinking is off. I’m not sure they’re to be trusted. Like people who really like country music.

This was most decidedly NOT the story of William Lobdell.

Born To Write This Stuff

A brief background on Lobdell.

That’s Me in the Corner
The point is, Lobdell was most decidedly an “insider.” As I read the opening chapters, I realized that I trusted this guy. He understood things. If he had something to say about Christianity and Jesus, then I was going to listen.

Which is why it surprised me, on page 213, after this long and stirring journey that was markedly similar to mine, that Lobdell stopped believing.

Just stopped.

Right there on page 213.

***** *******

Why Lobdell Lost His Faith

There were a number of reasons why Lobdell lost his faith.

Reason 1: He saw that Christians, as a group, don’t really act any differently than anyone else.

As a religion reporter and a Christian, Lobdell wanted to see that people were changed in a fundamental ways by their belief in Jesus. The Apostle Paul makes a number of claims in the New Testament about someone who chooses to follow Christ. One of them is that “you will be transformed.”

Yet, the more he studied it, the more Lobdell found that Christians (as a group) behave nearly identical to their non-Christian or non-religious counterparts. This has been widely documented by a number of researchers, most notably George Barna…

Those who call themselves Christians are no more likely than non-Christians to correct the mistake when a cashier gives them too much change.

Those who call themselves Christians are just as likely to have an elective abortion as a non-Christian

Those who call themselves Christians divorce at the same rates as those who don’t consider themselves Christians.

In all, when the Barna Research Group did a survey of 152 separate different items comparing the general population to those who self-identify as Christians, they found virtually no difference in attitudes, in behaviors or actions.

Christian scholar Ronald J. Sider, in his 2007 book “The Scandal of the Evangelical Conscience” which won Christianity Today’s coveted “Book of the Year” award had this to say:

Whether the issue is divorce, materialism, sexual promiscuity, racism, physical abuse in marriage, or neglect of a Biblical worldview, the polling data point to widespread, blatant disobedience of clear Biblical demands on the part of the people who allegedly are evangelical, born-again Christians. The statistics are devastating.

The issue isn’t whether Jesus is true. It’s whether Americans are willing to put Jesus first in the lives.

The answer, overwhelmingly, is “no.”

Reason 2: He saw, first-hand, perhaps more than any other person alive, the evil perpetuated and then covered up by the Catholic Church sexual abuse scandal.

If you are having doubts about God, you don’t want to find yourself on St. Michael Island, Alaska, where a single Catholic missionary raped an entire generation of Alaska native boys. You don’t want to find yourself in 12-step support groups filled with people whose emotional lives have been destroyed by abuse at the hands of clergy they trusted. You don’t want to hear the graphic stories.

But even more, you don’t want to go digging into the details about how the Catholic Church not only had full-knowledge of these predatory priests, but actively took steps to cover-up the abuses, quietly shuttling off the “offending priests” to other diocese, where the same cycles happened again.

This is the kind of thing that can give you serious doubts about those who act in the name of Christ. And yet - this is exactly what Lobdell did. He wrote story after story about the abuses. He career was defined and he won multiple journalism awards for his coverage of the scandal.

But this kind of thing takes its toll. An example. One of the chief prosecutors on the case was John “Mad Dog” Manly. His job was to track down witnesses and victims, then gather reports and testimony from people who had been abused to build a case against the Catholic diocese. Listening to story after story about these cases had long-term affects on Manly’s personal life.

His blood-pressure spiked to dangerously high levels. He couldn’t sleep at night. He descended into depression and a deep, seething anger that nearly ruined his family. He fled to alcohol and found no relief. While driving down the Pacific Coast Highway one day, Manly began planning how he would kill himself. He began working out the details, until he suddenly realized what he was doing. That realization scared him into an intensive, multi-year counseling program that saved his career, his family and his life. But it couldn’t save his faith.

When you spend that much time with that much darkness, you might have a hard time believing that there is really a God who cares. And this is what slowly happened to Lobdell.

Reason 3: Prayer of Righteous People Didn’t Seem to Work

The major issue that Lobdell wrestled with is “why don’t the prayers of righteous people cause bad situations to change?”

In the Book of Matthew, in the 21st Chapter, Jesus says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

So why, Lobdell, kept asking himself, didn’t God do more physical intervention on Earth to help those who desperately needed His help? Psalm 97 says:

Let those who love the Lord hate evil,
for he guards the lives of his faithful ones
and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

So why didn’t that happen? Why weren’t the people he was interviewing who had been abused by agents of the church get protected?

Lobdell’s faith was shaken to even more extreme levels after the tsunami in 2004, in which 225,000 people died. People who survived thanked God for His providence. But what about the quarter-million people who died and God didn’t help?

For Lobdell, this was a deal-breaker of trust. It showed, statistically, that God really doesn’t show up to help His children.

And so there, on page 213, Lobdell lost his faith. A 10-year journey with God terminated in a dead-end. God was made up. He wrote:

It was becoming harder and harder for me to fit my idea of a loving, personal God into the reality of the world in which I lived. The simplest explanation kept boomeranging back to me: there was no God.

My Letter To William Lobdell

Dear William,

I wanted to say thank you for writing your book Losing My Religion. You are a skillful writer, and I found your honesty utterly refreshing. I don’t know if this matters to you as an author, but I found your story so compelling that I read the book in one sitting, highlighter in one hand, diet Coke in the other. I was hating life when my daughter woke up at 7:30 the next morning and I had to get up with her, but the book was so provocative that I didn’t mind.

Thank you for your transparency in telling the story of your faith

It’s funny: your memoir was so deeply personal that I felt as though I got to know you. This was fundamentally one-sided, of course. You don’t know me from Adam. So I guess, for this scenario, I’m Stan and you’re Eminem (only without the whole “drive the car off the bridge” thing).

So a few things about me. I’m a pastor at a large non-denominational church (about 4,000 people) in San Jose. I’m 33 years old. I’m married, and I have two kids. For four years in college, I worked at the campus newspaper, both as a reporter and an editor, and so I have a deep love for journalism. And I read your book. So I think I’m probably in a rare sub-set of people: pro-journalist Christian pastor who enjoyed reading a book about a guy who lost his faith in Jesus.

I wanted to write to you for three reasons:

The Last Thing the World Needs is More Christians
As a pastor, the bulk of my life’s energies are spent attempting to convince people to take Jesus and his teachings seriously. This is very difficult, and the vast majority of people in my city and a good number in my church decide not to follow the teachings of Jesus. Jesus makes many demands on our lives. "It's not that Christianity has been tried and found untrue," the great British humorist G.K. Chesterton once said, "It's that it's been tried and found difficult."

I lament (as you did) that so many people who self-identify with the name “Christian” live so cavalierly in direct disobedience of the teachings of the Bible and Jesus. In fact, I have largely stopped using the word “Christian” and I have stopped inviting people to be “Christians.” The word "Christian" no longer means "to live like Jesus." It does not mean to sacrifice everything you are to see God’s dreams fulfilled. As it stands now, the behavior of non-Christians and those who profess to be Christians is not different. Who would want to be associated with that? The last thing the world needs is more Christians. It needs me (and all others who identify as followers) to take our creeds and lives more seriously.

A Reason, Not an Excuse
I wanted to offer you a reason for this. Not an excuse, mind you, but a reason. I think that the main reason for this is poor leadership within the church. You saw, in your time reporting for the LA Times, utterly atrocious leadership. Although I’ve never seen anything like this, I do know that the church has not always called its people and challenged its people the way that Jesus did. Jesus simply said, “Follow Me.” And they did. And the world was changed.

The message of most American churches on Sunday – is not the same as the message and challenge of Jesus. There is much need for improvement in the American church in this area. Ghandi once said, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” Even Richard Dawkins said that he wanted to start a group “Athiests for Jesus. So your observation that Christians are unlike Christ is an important one. This is also a great passion of mine, and one to which I will probably devote my life.

A Dream Deferred:
One more thought, I came out to California in 2001 as part of Teach For America which recruited me from Ohio to teach in an under-resourced, under-performing high school in the San Jose Unified School District. I worked in a very difficult environment, professionally. Our school had a large number of students who were what I’d call actively resistant to learning. They’d had so many bad experiences with school and with teachers that they viewed school as only slightly less oppressive than prison.

And yet, there I was. In front of 30 chairs filled with 30 different students every hour on the hour, attempting to get them to care about American Literature. Or about literature or art in general. Or about themselves and their own minds and thoughts. Or about their own education.

This was a very tough job. And I didn’t often succeed. Most of my students never read a page of “Huckleberry Finn” or completed their essay on a personal epiphany.

But just because – by and large – I was unable to motivate the majority of my students to succeed or take themselves and their academic future seriously does not mean that the task was not worthwhile. Nor does it mean that the few who decided to run with me were not irrevocably changed. This is what teachers – and pastors – hang onto during the lean times. Just because so few follow doesn’t mean that the adventure isn’t breath-taking.

Life with Jesus really is incredible. If I were your friend, I’d continue to repeat this mantra as often as you’d let me.

A Question For You
Secondly, I wanted to ask you more personal question. It revolves around your profession as a journalist. I have always had a soft spot for journalism. All through college, my second home was the campus newspaper where I was both a reporter and an editor. I interned for a number of major newspapers, and always fancied myself being a good reporter.

In marriage, therapists sometimes talk about “disproportionate focus” where you spend all your time and energy focusing on what’s wrong with your mate. You fixate on the 15 percent that’s wrong instead of the 85 percent that’s right. And in the process, your perspective gets skewed.

I don’t mean to oversimplify, but I wonder if your experience with the Catholic Abuse Scandal was like that for you. It seems to me that you descended into the depths of human wickedness and spent a good deal of time there. Your friend and colleague John “Mad Dog” Manly nearly lost his sanity because of the same situation.

I wonder if that’s what caused you to lose your faith. In my profession, I see a lot of the bad stuff, but I also see some glorious moments. It’s probably about 70/30. But that 30 percent keeps me going. I wonder if in the process of becoming non-religious, you didn’t find those people or those moments, or if you stopped looking for them or if they were overshadowed.

I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m attempting to come up with a “pat answer” for why you lost your faith. I just wondered if you had any further perspective on it. You said in your book that faith wasn’t a choice…it was just something that wasn’t in you anymore. I just wondered if your experience being mired in that muck was something you considered a causal agent.

A Personal Promise to You
I wanted to do one last thing. It seemed only appropriate to do so, in light of your book. For me, by far, the most jarring and powerful paragraph in your book came on page 103, where you describe your battle with newspaper editors to use more graphic and accurate descriptions. You wrote:

I learned that the media’s terms “sexual abuse” and “molestation” were far too neutral to describe what happened to most of these people. The church had even shied away from those terms, preferring instead such Orwellian language as “boundary violation” and “inappropriate conduct.”

The more descriptive words in my copy were always changed….I just think that the very idea of priests sodomizing a boy on an altar until he defecates, or plunging an aspersorium, used to sprinkle holy water, into a girl’s vagina, or a little boy hiding his bloody underwear from his mother was too much for even jaded journalists to consider.”

This paragraph made me weep. I had – for all the accounts I read of the scandal – never heard it put that way.

I believe that I felt – for a mere second – what you must have felt like for months and months.

So I wanted to make this promise to you. Because you were brave enough to write those words, I want to honor that with a promise to you.

Twice in my time volunteering with youth in the church and serving as a Pastor (which runs from 1999-2009), I have twice encountered situations where teenagers have approached me in confidence about being sexually abused by adults. Twice, I have worked with the families and the local authorities to not only get immediate help for the victim through family and individual counseling, but also have worked with local law enforcement agencies to bring the offending parties to justice. Twice, I’ve testified or submitted signed affidavits and legal testimony. Twice, predatory adults were brought to justice and put behind bars. Twice, as a result of the trial, scores of other victims came forward and were finally able to begin the healing process themselves.

My promise to you is this: as a pastor, I have worked hard and will always continue to work hard to create a climate where two things are always happening:

I recruit highly moral, highly relational adults who are willing to do the necessary leg-work to make sure that we all have built enough trust with teenagers that they are comfortably approaching us about any issue and that

Those adults will see it as our sacred charge (by God) to protect our students and be an advocate for them.

As a result of seeking to create these two conditions, two sexual predators are behind bars. I’m not saying I’m a hero – the real courageous ones are the students who come forward – but I am saying that it’s possible for the church to act in precisely the way that honors the teachings of Jesus – in the exact opposite way that the Catholic Diocese acted.

My church is also filled with people and run by pastors and volunteers who consider themselves “mandated reporters of the law” and who view their role legally as agents of the state in cases of abuse. Our job is not to investigate the validity of the claims, but simply report to agencies that do investigate. We’ve done this many times as a staff and as a church.

We will continue to do so. That’s my promise to you. I need you to know that your outrage over the inaction of the Catholic Church is shared by me (and all of our pastors). We share that deeply held conviction with you. It’s important for me that you know that.

One Final Note
Lastly, you wrote in your book (on page 213) about a certain cognitive dissonance, where you couldn’t reconcile the pain you were seeing with the idea of an all-loving God. I feel as though page 213 is where you finally “lost your religion.”

I wonder if you have ever read the book “The Shack” by William P. Young. I’m not sure if you even have an interest in such things anymore, but it seems to me that the vast majority of your questions about Jesus and God center around wondering if God actually cares or acts. Young’s book centers around a man named Mack, whose daughter is kidnapped, then sexually abused and then ruthlessly killed by a serial rapist. The rest of the book is God attempting to reconnect with Mack to help him heal. God goes through extraordinary lengths to get to Mack, mainly because God very much loves Mack. Mack doesn’t want much to do with God. After all, he blames God for not protecting his baby girl, and that anger and distrust of his “heavenly father” was the dominant emotion driving his life. And it nearly destroyed him.

The book, which chronicles God’s encounter with Mack, is the best thing I’ve ever read to help answer the problem of pain in this world and God’s seeming inattention and apathy. Maybe it would help you. It certainly helped me.

At any rate, thanks for writing what you did.

Appreciatively yours.

David A. Tieche

Cussing Pastors...

2009-06-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

I was 17 years old the first time I ever heard an adult Christian leader purposely say the word "f*ck."

I was sitting in a musty college classroom at Eastern University in Pennsylvania and listened to a man named Tony Campolo talk. Somehow, our youth pastor had managed to secure an audience with this man, who was (and is) a leading evangelical pastor, thinker and activist.

Campolo's primary message to us wasn't what you'd think. He told us how we were all just a bunch of suburban, comfortable white kids and how if we were ever really going to know the heart of God and build His Kingdom, we'd have to climb out of our convenient, comfortable lives and go to places where real people were really hurting, and then do something about it.

He told us a story about going to Haiti, and as he was leaving on a prop plane from a small airstrip, a woman who was dying of AIDS ran onto the tarmac, desperate and screaming. He attempted to hand her baby to Campolo because she knew he was American, and his ties to this nation and its health care was her child's only chance at life. She then threw herself into the plane's propeller, instantly killing herself. She did this to force Mr. Campolo to take her child.

A stunned silence fell over all of us.

He told us about working in inner-city Philadelphia, and how the toughest task of that job was convincing young men and women that their lives - lives filled with drugs and abuse and abandonment and hurt - were *easy* compared to some people's on this planet. And then convincing them that the way to get past their hurt was to help others who were less fortunate.

At one point, while he was talking, Campolo got worked up. He said something to the effect of "The problem is, most Christians don't care about injustice or the fact that millions of kids die. They don't give a flying f*ck about any of it."

We sat in stunned silence. Did this guy just say...

Mr. Campolo got irritated instantly (perhaps at himself). He stammered. "Great," he said. "Now the only thing you'll remember about this visit is that I said the word f*ck. And you won't remember anything else!"

Tony was wrong.

I remember a lot more than just the mere fact that an adult leader who was a Christian swore. I remember his passion for justice and how for Campolo, that demanded - DEMANDED - action on the part of those who want to honor God with their lives.

But.

I do remember the fact that he swore.

Ed Young's Definition of Cussing

Looking to the Bible, we don’t find a list of "naughty" words to stay away from. In Ephesians 4:29, Paul admonishes us to watch the way we talk. This doesn’t refer to specific words, but to the character of what we say.

That's why I was interested in this video by Ed Young, who is a great guy and pastor of one of the 5 biggest churches in the nation.

Ed is speaking specifically to pastors, here, but the application is interesting for anyone who is a follower of Jesus. Ed says that we shouldn't cuss, but his definition is a bit broader than you might expect. Young includes the following words:

That sucks.

I'm screwed.

I'm pissed off

Crap.

Young says that young leaders should avoid such talk. He says it's filthy and scatological and not creative in the least sense.

Not all Christians necessarily agree. This article at ChurchMarketingSucks.com has some insightful hings to say about the cultural and linguistic contexts that define what's offensive and what isn't. They say:

Taking offense at another Christian's actions doesn't automatically mean they're in the wrong. It also doesn't mean everything is admissible (this isn't relativism 101). It's a tough line to walk."

Some Final Personal Reflections
This whole thing has made me really do some introspection. I talk a lot. Too much, frankly. In the words of one of my mentors, "Dave, you talk when you should be quiet, and are quiet when you should talk." In general, I think I'm learning to submit more of my speech to the Holy Spirit and to err on the side of caution. Why risk offending someone over mere words that I can just as easily not say? That's the general council I hear from the Apostle Paul, anyway.

I don't always do a good job. This morning, while serving my children breakfast, I stepped barefoot on one of my son's toys and said, "Freakin' A, that hurt."

Not cussing. But not clean and honoring to God, either. I'm a work in progress. And I will work to let the Lord renovate me.

That being said, in the end, I'm pretty sure God will be far less mad at Tony Campolo for cussing in front of me than he will be at the scores of other Christians who see the world broken and in need, and ignore the voice of God who is shouting "If you love me, please...do something!"

God can look past our words, which are merely the attempt of the human heart to express itself, and see the person behind them. There's something to be said for "being real" and "authentic" with God, I think. There's also something to be said for not sinning in our speech. That's the tension, isn't it.

What do you think?

Why I Can't Root For Kobe

2009-06-15T01:31:00.000-07:00

There's a scene in the new Spike Lee movie "Kobe Doin' Work" where Kobe is trying to show that he is a good teammate and an all-around good guy. This of course, is not true. One of the biggest secrets of the NBA is that Kobe Bryant is a world-class prick, but nobody is ever allowed to admit this. Ever. At any rate, in the movie, to show his "I'm just one of you guys" down-to-Earth side, Kobe walks up to fellow-Laker Sasha Vujacic (who is from Slovenia) and speaks Italian to him.

This was to show Kobe's chummy-chummy side. The only problem was Vujacic's reaction. He looked like someone who had just seen his mom make out with Zac Efron: utter confusion coupled with a little bit of fear. It was as if Vujacic was saying to himself "Wait. Why is Kobe talking to me? He never talks to me."

And that scene is why I will never root for Kobe Bryant.

This doesn't mean I can't appreciate, as a fan of basketball, what Kobe is doing and has done on the court. With his win tonight, Kobe firmly cemented his legacy as one of the top 8 best basketball players of all-time, behind only Magic, Jordan, Bird, West, Oscar, Kareem and Russell (not in that order). He's the second best 2-guard in the history of the NBA.

But I am not a fan. If I were 11, I wouldn't put a poster of him in my room. If I were 20 and not as white, I would not buy his replica jersey and attempt to wear it to play pick-up basketball at 24-hour fitness.

Because I don't admire him as a person.

Italian Prince History Isn't Your Strong Suit, Is It?
Now I know what you're thinking. you're thinking, "Oh. It's because of the rape charges in Colorado, isn't it, you judgmental jerk?" No. As tragic as infidelity in marriage is, that's not my reason. It was for a little while, but then I realized if I was going to stop watching sports that prominently featured philanderers, I'd have to start watching either bass fishing or 8th grade girls badminton.

That's not why I don't like Kobe.

The answer to that lies in the ways that even those who marvel at him - his biggest fans - describe him.

The ABC announcers kept referring to Kobe as Machiavellian. Apparently, these announcers don't know what that means. It's not laudatory, guys. It's like calling someone "Pol-Pot-esque." The announcers kept pointing out that Kobe rarely encourages his teammates, holding them to impossibly high standards bordering on perfectionism. "That's what I call leadership," crowed Jeff Van Gundy.

No, Jeff. That's not leadership. It's called being a self-consumed, results-driven success addict. Berating people and staring them down when they make a mistake might make them perform better for a while out of fear, but it's also vaguely manipulative and not really good for fostering healthy interpersonal relationships.

I suppose it's not the fact that Kobe keeps winning that bothers me. It's the way he approaches the game. It is all about winning. And you get the sense with Kobe that teammates are expendable parts, mildly necessary in his quest for trophies. For example, on January 31 against Memphis, a driving Kobe fell directly into the knee of starting Laker Center Andrew Bynum under the Grizzlies' basket. On the replay, you can see Bynum's knee was bent straight back. As he's writhing on the floor, Kobe looks at him. I'm no psychologist, but see for yourself. His expression is more "Dammit. There goes the effing title" than it was "Oh man, I just hurt my teammate. I hope he's okay." See for yourself.

Yeah, Kobe is relentless and tireless in his pursuit of victory. Yes, Kobe's work ethic is legendary.

But to what end?

The Logo's View of Life
Jerry West, the man who while in the Laker front office was responsible for drafting Kobe said that it was this insatiable need to win that made him want to draft the 17-year-old kid.

The same Jerry West who famously quipped that basketball comes down to either winning or misery.

Misery.

Misery?

Really, Jerry. That's misery? Losing? At basketball. You obviously don't know what the word "misery" means. Go to Africa sometime, pal.

And this to me is the fundamental problem, and why I could never be a fan of Kobe. He takes basketball, he takes his work, he takes his career too seriously. For Kobe, not winning is misery. It eats him up. It drives and motivates him.

And this is the problem. Kobe thinks that winning is the point of life.

This is his life's message. This is what he says, what he shouts, every time he steps on the court, whether he gives a pre-game interview or not. Winning is life.

Religion and Sports Don't Mix
Contrast this to Dwight Howard. During the telecast, ABC did a brief interview with Dwight Howard, whose two missed free throws not only cost the Magic Game 4, but also a realistic shot at the title. As much as these Finals catapulted Howard into the NBA Elite, his colossal free-throw misses in Game 4 were the most direct factor in the Magic's soul-crushing defeat. This is what Howard said:

"I kept thinking, I lost the game. I lost the game for us. And the Lord kept telling me, "No, don't think that way."

Now, I've been watching sports as a rather rabid fan for about 15 years now. I've heard dozens of players give a shout-out to God. I've heard some be more specific, giving their shout-outs specifically to Jesus. I even heard Larry Johnson thank Allah after his 4-point play in New York in 1999.

But I've never heard a player (not even one as devout as David Robinson) admit that the Lord spoke to them about their performance on the court. Let alone that God encouraged them. Let alone that God encouraged them in a devastating, series-ending, title-chance-dashing failure.

You'd think that God would say something like, "You get paid 20-million a year, this is your JOB and you can't hit one of two from the line? Are you kidding me? Seriously, are you kidding me?"

But that's not apparently (allegedly?) what God said. Apparently, God said, "Don't think that way."

And this makes sense. Because God has a knack for turning failure around.

Dwight Howard might never win an NBA title. This might be as close as he'll ever get. But he seems to have something that Kobe never will.

Peace.

And that's worth more than 4 trophies.

Your Closely Cropped Hair Just Screams "Jesus"

2009-05-14T13:32:00.001-07:00

1:12 p.m. A conversation I just had in the San Jose airport while checking in at the American Airlines terminal. While checking in, the clerk asked if I was a member of the US military, only I didn't hear her properly, so when I heard the word "service" I thought she recognized me from church, which does happen from time to time.

AA Clerk
How many bags will you be checking.

Me:
Just this one, thanks.

AA Clerk
Can I ask you a question. You aren't by chance *something unintelligible*

Me:
I'm sorry. I missed that last part.

AA Clerk:
The service?

Me:
The service?
(thinking she might have recognized me from church)

AA Clerk:
Yes

Me:
Oh, yes, I...I'm from FCC.

AA Clerk
Is that where you're going?

Me:
No, it's where I came from. I'm going to Chicago.

AA Clerk
Oh, well, then we'll just waive the baggage fee.

Me:
Really?

AA Clerk:
That's our policy.

Me:
Wow. Really?

AA Clerk
Yes. (pause) You know, I saw you and I thought you might be. You just had a look about you.

Me:
Oh. What?

AA Clerk
It's probably your hair cut.

Me:
*confused*

AA Clerk
What branch are you?

Me:
Oh, we're non-denominational. Have you been to FCC?

AA Clerk
*confused*
What?

Me:
FCC. Family Community Church. I'm a pastor there.

AA Clerk:
What? No, I meant what branch of the military.

Me:
*as it dawns on me*

It took about 2 more minutes for me to explain myself. And it will probably take a few more more hours for me to stop feeling like the dumbest person in the world.

*sigh*

The Josh Hamilton Story...

2009-04-22T10:18:00.001-07:00

Not too long ago, Josh Hamilton was a crack-addicted ex-phenom who'd lost everything. He had been banned from Major League Baseball, lost his wife, his kids - everything. Last year, he went to Yankee Stadium as one of the leading vote getters for the MLB All-Star Game. Tonight at 7 p.m. on ESPN, Hamilton tells his story to award-winning sports journalist Rick Reilly.

Here's what Reilly wrote about his interview with Hamilton:

I've been covering sports for 31 years, but I've never come across a comeback story like baseball slugger Josh Hamilton's.

I write the words but I still can't imagine living them. Superstar high school player. Drafted No. 1 overall by the Tampa Bay Rays. Minor League Player of the Year in his first season. Then an injury. Then his first sip of alcohol. Then his first line of coke. Then baggies full of it. Then his first hit of crack. Then a willingness to sell out everything he loved -- including his career, his wife, his kids, his friends and his parents -- to keep smoking it. Sleeping on the floor of crack houses. Banned from his own home, his parents' home, his friends' homes. Banned from baseball -- indefinitely. Knocks on the door of the last place that will take him in -- his grandmother's quaint, white house -- and is somehow saved, soup spoon by soup spoon, Bible verse by Bible verse, tunneling his way through the ache and the grit and the cold sweat with a strength that must've come from somewhere even he couldn't imagine. Then trying baseball again. Cleaning toilets to play it again. Getting his chance again. Making it all the way back to the major leagues again. Coming to Yankee Stadium as the leading AL outfield vote-getter. Entering the Home Run Derby. And then hitting 28 home runs in a row to places even Yankees have never hit the ball. And as the fans chanted Ham-il-ton, it hit you that the man had made a journey you just never see -- from glory to gutter to glory again.

And so, in front of a crowd of 1,500 in his old high school in Raleigh, N.C., I asked him about all of that on "Homecoming." And he never ducked a question. He let me flay him open like a fish on the rocks. No, that's wrong. He didn't just let me, he invited me. He wanted it all out there, forever, maybe so there was no going back. And as his beautiful wife sat there with his gorgeous daughters and his tearful parents, I realized I had to ask him the question. We hadn't rehearsed it, but I had to ask it. "Everybody you disappointed, everybody you hurt, everybody you stole from, is right in front of you right now," I think I said. "Is there something you'd like to say to them?" And I heard my producer "gulp" in my ear. And I saw him stare at me for a second and swallow. And you could've driven a Mack truck through the silence, but then he said "yes" and slowly swiveled his chair toward them. And he pulled his chest up and apologized to all of them, to all 1,500 of them, for what he'd done. And he thanked them for helping him make it back.

I don't know how long we'll make "Homecoming" or how many lives we'll celebrate, but it will be hard to top a moment like that.

What caused this astounding change in a guy who - by all statistical odds - should either be dead or in jail? What caused the most dramatic turn-around that celebrated columnist Rick Reilly has ever seen?

Well, according to Hamilton, it was Jesus.

Hamilton was a guy who needed a Savior. Thankfully, he found one.

Religion Spectators
I don't know what your views are of Jesus. Or what your views are of people who talk about Jesus.

But here's something I know: most people are spectators when it comes to religion.

I live in an area of the world where most people would describe themselves as decidedly non-religious. Sunday is a day for washing one’s car, or gardening, or simply reading the New York Times while sipping coffee as morning turns to late morning.

For the vast majority of people where I live, religion is something they’ve most definitely thought about. Maybe even argued about. Certainly it’s something they’ve had encounters with, usually in the form of some abrasive blowhard on some network news show (where does FOX News get these people?). Some are recovering Catholics who get into arguments with their devout mothers when they decide to hold their wedding outside, instead of in the cathedral. Some have even been wounded by cruel religious people.

But they’re still spectators when it comes to religion.

Seeing as how this is the most educated area in the world, most have read books about the history of religion. Like my father-in-law. He engages in macro-philosophy. Many people in this area do. All religions, they say to me (some smugly), say pretty much the same thing. Be nice. Don’t kill. Try hard to be good. God will reward you if you do this.

When they encounter people who are deeply religious, they say things like, “You say that your path is the only way to the top. But if you could just get some perspective, you’d see that your path up the mountain is winding toward the same pinnacle as this other religion over here, and this other religion over here.”

But there’s a real arrogance in that sentiment. It assumes that they’re not even part of the journey. They’re not on the mountain with everyone else. They’re in a plane or a zeppelin somewhere miles above, circling the mountain as they watch their human colleagues trudge through life while they observe from afar – from the true perspective.

Spectators.

But.

But.

There’s a danger in being a spectator.

There are some things in life in which inaction and indecision is simply not a legitimate choice.

Switzerland might be famed for its neutrality, but when Nazis are burning children, now is not the time to consider the effect of choosing sides on your ability to be an effective world banker.

And for Josh Hamilton, the question of religion - the question of Jesus - wasn't one that was an academic or philosophical dilemma.

This was his life in the balance.

Josh Hamilton couldn't afford to be a spectator on the issue of God. He had a choice. Despair and Addiction for the rest of his life - or believe Jesus when he says that God is like a Father who is not only active in the world, but literally dying to help you live the best possible life.

For Hamilton, religion isn't a spectator sport.

And that's why I respect the guy.

And the thing is, he might seem uncommon, but really, I've seen his story a thousand times in my life. I see it played out before me almost every week. Hamilton's story is incredibly similar to my story, to my wife's story, to my best friend's story - it's basically the same story I've seen lived out hundreds of times.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good," the psalmist says. "If you are thirsty," Jesus says, "I will give you water so that you will never thirst again."

Big promise.

Big invitation.

My Son's Future Wife...

2009-04-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken by our close friend Gina Rodriquez, who snapped this picture of her youngest daughter Bella at Half Moon Bay on Easter Sunday, 2009. The whole thing was Bella's idea.

Attention world: meet Bella Rodriquez. Bella is the future wife of my son. So everyone else, back off.

Rodriquez Family: I have 30 camels and 400 pieces of silver for you. I trust this will suffice.

One liberated an entire people from enslavement and an evil dictator - the other was a Biblical figure....

2009-04-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

This past Easter, our family say down to watch the movie Prince of Egypt. Nicole and I figured it was a good non-4-hour, non-Charlton Heston way to illustrate and show Justus the story of Passover. Which obviously ties into Jesus.

At any rate, immediately afterward, Justus picked up a dowel rod that we use as a brace for our sliding glass door and began walking around with it.

"Look at me!" Justus said, proudly walking with his "rod" which was roughly as tall as him.

"Are you like Moses?" Nicole asked.

"Noooooo," Justus said, matter-of-factly, as if we were dumb for asking. "I'm Yoda."

That fact that my son just turned four and has working knowledge of the life and works of both Moses and Yoda makes my heart soar in ways you cannot imagine.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's bedtime and I have to begin training my son on the finer points of the Apostle Paul and Boba Fett.

Your One Stop-Shopping For Pirate Solutions

2009-04-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

*Editor's Note:* I wanted to direct your attention to Missy Takano's blog. Missy is the sister of one of my best friends, Ben Van Meter. Her last name used to be Missy until she turned Japanese.

At any rate, Missy has some good thoughts about the International Piracy issue developing off the coast of Somalia. She's proposed some real, workable solutions. The following is my comment to her.

Barry Manilow

Let's Talk About Sex...

2009-03-24T17:47:00.000-07:00

The Task:
During a sermon series on sex and sexuality, my job was to illustrate the concept of sexual temptation, especially in regard to single people.

The Concept:
After a few rewrites, we landed on the idea of a guy preparing for a nice date, only to be hounded by his altar ego, who like the proverbial "Devil-on-the-shoulder" keeps suggesting that he abandon his principles.

The Players:
Jeff Bernstein (as Marcus), Ian Liardon (as the Altar Ego) and Michelle Sagor (as Diana).

My Favorite Part:
Three. Ian dancing to Marvin Gaye. Ian going to grab Michelle's butt, and the fact that I was able to work in a reference to both Color Me Badd and the pottery scene in Ghost in one script.

You can view it on YouTube by clicking below. Or, if you'd like, you can view it in a higher resolution by clicking here.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

2009-03-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is creative, or a sign of the Apocalypse. Austen redone, only this time with zombies.

What is the opening line?

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more human brains."

From Amazon's description:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

*sigh*

State Slogans

2009-03-18T13:25:00.001-07:00

I read the other day that the state of Wisconsin recently unveiled a new slogan and a new state logo. This logo was released on Monday by the rather oxymoronic-sounding Wisconsin Department of Tourism.

From the news story:

Coming up with the slogan and accompanying logo — which shows a silhouetted figure doing a cartwheel across letters spelling out Wisconsin — cost $50,000, the state’s brand manager Sarah Klavas said. The money came from the department's annual $10 million marketing budget.

Some thoughts. First of all, Wisconsin spends $10 million on marketing? Per year? What is their target? Who is their target? Secondly, a man doing a cartwheel? Really? Thirdly, the slogan "Live Like You Mean It" - I like it. It’s good. And it’s certainly better than the old Wisconsin slogan (We have cheese, badgers and Favre!).

It made me do some research into other state’s official slogans. These are the actual state slogans that these state's Departments of Tourism paid money to develop. Below them, I have made a few comments of my own.

Arizona – The Grand Canyon State
Original Slogan - Arizona – It’s Gorges. Get it?
When your primary claim to fame as a state is a giant ditch, you have commerce issues.

Delaware – It’s Good Being First
This is a reference to Delaware being the first colony to sign the Declaration of Independence. Again, when the best thing your state did was more than 200 years ago…

Florida – The Sunshine State
Original Slogan – Not just oranges, old people and a whole bunch of drunk kids for a week in Spring.

Illinois – Mile After Magnificent Mile
Original Slogan –The Place that Gave You Lincoln and Obama. Shut up, Hawaii, you’re not taking this from us.

Indiana – Enjoy Indiana.
Original Slogan – What the hell is a hoosier?

Kansas – There’s No Place Like Home
Original Slogan – Conveniently On Your Way to Colorado

Louisiana – Come As You Are. Leave Different.
Original Slogan – Thank God for Mississippi.

Maine – It Must Be Maine
Original Slogan – Our Pollen Count is Super Low Because Ragweed Can’t Grow in These Extreme Conditions

New Jersey – Come See For Yourself
Original Slogan –The Armpit of the Nation

Ohio – The Birthplace of Aviation.
Original Slogan –Seriously, North Carolina, you need to shut up about being first in flight.

Oklahoma – Oklahoma is OK.
Original Slogan –Oklahoma is Mediocre

Rhode Island – Unwind.
Original Slogan –Not a Road. Or an Island.

South Carolina – Smiling Faces. Beautiful Places.
Original Slogan –Still kind of bitter about the Civil War.

Texas – Don’t Mess with Texas.
Original Slogan –Don’t Mess with Texas. Seriously. We all carry firearms.

Utah – This is Still the Right Place
Original Slogan –This is Still the Right Place for Polygamy
Original Slogan 2 –So White, you can Hear It

Virginia – Virginia is for Lovers.
This is ironic, since the word “virgin” in in the state’s name.

West Virginia –Almost Heaven
Okay, what kind of messed up theology do you have to have for West Virginia to be a near representation of heaven?

This whole exercise reminded me of this graph How Californians See America which I thought was funny, and the even more humorous graph How West Virginians See America.

Feel free to suggest other alternative state slogans that I might have missed.

An Open Letter to the San Jose Sharks

2009-03-05T09:16:00.000-08:00

Michael T. Lehr
President and Chief Executive Officer
Worcester Sharks and Sharks Minor Holdings, LLC
525 West Santa Clara St.
San Jose, CA 95113

Dear Mr. Lehr

First of all, I would like to introduce myself. My name is David Tieche, and I am a local Bay Area representative for the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar, and we are writing to object, in the strongest possible language, to a recent campaign by the San Jose Sharks organization.

Understanding that many of your players and fans are Canadian, we want to make it clear that we have no wish to create an international incident. Furthermore, we are frightened by the prospect of angering large men who carry sticks, many of whom are from a country (Canada) that doesn’t use the death penalty as a deterrent.

Enough skating around the point. Earlier in the year, during the NHL pre-season, your organization printed and distributed thousands of promotional t-shirts, encouraging your fans to be truly dedicated. I am including a picture of the aforementioned shirt:

Here is another picture.

I want to point out a number of things, in case your elementary school teachers never told you. The word who's is a contraction, short for "who is". This is the word you used in the printing of this shirt. This is NOT however, the word you wanted. The word you wanted was "whose" which is an interrogative pronoun. Interrogative pronouns are used in asking questions, as in "Whose tooth is that out there on the ice?" or "Whose beer just spilled on my shoes?"

The man wearing that shirt is a friend of mine, and a raging lunatic when it comes to his devotion to your team. But I cannot, in good conscience, allow him to walk around in a shirt featuring that kind of grammatical atrocity.

In the future, here is what I suggest: before you spend tens of thousands of dollars printing thousands and thousands of promotional t-shirts, make sure that someone with a firm understanding of grammar proof-reads them.

This will not cost you extra money. For example, there are several Elementary schools close to your offices in Downtown San Jose. Gardner Elementary (502 Illinois Avenue) and Washington Elementary (100 Oak Street) are almost within walking distance. I am sure that the 3rd, 4th and 5th grade students would very much enjoy helping out their home-town hockey team.

Imagine if Sharkie, your mascot, showed up at their school with a series of mark-ups for the students to proof. This would send the message to impressionable children that Sharkie wants to devour not only divisional rivals, but also egregious grammar. Now that would be something.

Perhaps a fresh and grammatical start such as this would be just the thing to earn the San Jose Sharks a playoff berth next year.

We’ll be watching (from a safe distance, just in case).

Sincerely,
David Tieche
Ad hoc representative
The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar
SPOGG

BTW: If you liked this post, check out the originators of the SPOGG by reading the book "Things that Make Us [sic]" by Martha Brockenbrough.

Happy Birthday, Ben

2009-03-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

In honor of my friend Ben, who I miss greatly. I've already written some of these down before, but it's good to repeat sometimes.

1. Ben's birthday is the only day of the year which, when yelled, sounds like a battle command from Gandalf or Aragorn in some sort of Orc battle sequence in The Two Towers. March FOURTH! You can't do that with, say, April 12, or Dec. 11.

2. Ben doesn't mind breaking all spoken and unspoken familial bonds and covenants by moving himself and his wife away, all while using the clever excuse "God told me to do it" so you can't really argue with him. This shows that he's very nefari...err...clever.

3. Ben rejected the US educational system, and instead opted to attend graduate school in Canada, a nation whose most prominent hockey teams is called the Maple Leafs. The last time I checked, the plural of "leaf" is "leaves." It would be like called them the San Jose Sharkeses.

4. Ben loves Jess. I have had the opportunity to be in a weekly accountability group with Ben that meets every Tuesday night, and has for the past four years. During that time, I have seen Ben move from the "engagement" stage to the "married" stage (and been privy to lots of "insider information" about Ben and his relationship with Jessica). Here's what I can tell you without breaking bonds of confidentiality: Ben takes very seriously Paul's mandate to Christian husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He is deeply considerate of Jess' wishes, thoughts and desires. If love is best shown through one party "humbling" themselves to serve in selfless love another, then Ben has clearly shown this type of love during the years that I have known him.

5. Ben has more energy than a squirrel who found a discarded bag of chocolate covered espresso beans, ate them all, and then accidentally fell onto a syringe of synthetic squirrel adrenaline (it could happen). The first thing that a person notices about Ben is his energy. He’s a soccer player, and he’s built like one: slender, average height with an aura of speed about him. He’s quick to laugh, quick to talk, quick to smile. He’s got this giant smile, with perfectly proportioned teeth. It’s a smile so perfect, you have to think his parents are still paying off orthodontist bills. And that energy pops out no matter what Ben is doing. You soon realize that this guy is passionate. Passionate about the movie the movie he just saw, passionate about the best flavor of scone at Starbucks, passionate about which pets are the weirdest for humans to own.

But here's what I have found: people will follow passion. There is so little authentic passion in our increasingly apathetic society that Passion is almost like an indicator of life and vitalitty. And we all, as people, are naturally attracted to that. We want more of that in our lives. And we are willing to follow that, even if it's not good or healthy. Ben has a great deal of passion, which makes people pay attention, even if they're not inherently interested at first in what he's saying.

Ben's biggest passion, is of course, God. His life is centered around his adoration of this God who became man and died on a cross. The narrative of the Bible captivates Ben. And now there is this collision of Ben's great passions. His passion about people, his passion about God, and his passion that the Bible really does have the power to change lives forever. That's a perfect storm of passion. So world, as Ben turns 28, watch out.

Are Violent Video Games Preparing Our Children Adequately for the Apocolypse?

2009-03-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

Hilarious.

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

Like Mike. If I Could Be Like Mike

2009-02-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

So this morning, I got up at 4:07 a.m. to get out the door by 4:45 a.m. to be at the San Jose International airport by 5:10 a.m. to make a 6:10 a.m. flight from San Jose to Charleston to visit my parents. This is very early. So I get my ticket and I decide not to pre-board with Jaelle to give her as LONG as possible to run around and get energy out, because she’s going to be sitting on my lap for the next five hours.

So, I am in the last group to board, and my arms are full of stuff. Diaper bag, my backpack, Jaelle’s bag of toys, her blanket, her bottle, Jaelle herself. Kind of stressful. So I walk on board the plane. My seat is 8D. The first 6 rows are first class, and as I get on, I sort of glance around at the 1st class passengers, all of whom are already seated.

As I’m walking by, I see a guy in the aisle seat of row 6. We make eye contact and then I realize, “Wait. I know that guy.”

Then I think, “Holy cow, that’s Mike Singletary.”

Mike Singletary: only the greatest linebacker to ever play the game of football and the current head coach of the San Francisco 49’ers.

Now, I don’t often encounter famous people. Let alone famous people I actually admire. So I didn’t know how to handle myself (as you’ll see).

MY MIND:
Wait a second. Don’t freak out. It might not really be him. Maybe it’s just a bespectacled, light-skinned black man decked out head to toe in a new, bright red 49’ers vest, hat, t-shirt and lapel pin studying what is clearly some sort of playbook.

ANOTHER PART OF MY MIND:
Dude you’re an idiot! That’s Mike Singletary.

MY MIND:
Holy cow, it’s not even 6 a.m., and I’m looking at Mike Singletary, who is not only arguably the best linebacker in the history of football, but a lock for the Hall of Fame.

ANOTHER PART OF MY MIND:
Wait a second. Is Mike Singletary already in the Hall of Fame? You’re eligible five years after you stop playing, right? Wait, Michael Irvin is in, and he retired WAY after Mike, so he’s got to be already in the Hall of Fame, right? Yes, definitely. He’s already in the Hall of Fame. Oh man.

Then, Mike Singletary looked up at me, probably because I’d been staring a hole through his head for the last four seconds. He nodded.

Now, normally, most normal people with normal social skills would have simply nodded back, looked away, and proceeded to their seat. That’s what I wish I would have done. I would blame the next series of events on the fact that it was 5:50 a.m. and I was delirious, but I know that’s not really true.

So, again, the normal social interaction would have been to nod back at Mr. Singletary, then proceed to my seat. This is not what happened.

“Holy cow, you’re Mike Singletary,” I blurted out.

Mr. Singletary looked up. He was not nearly as surprised at this fact as I was.

“Seriously. You’re Mike Singletary,” I said, just in case he was confused about his identity.

Now, I don’t know why I said that. It’s probably because I think of famous people (like NFL head coaches) as being above average joes like me. I half expected him to say, “Wait a second. I am Mike Singletary. What the heck am I doing on American Airlines Flight 3507 with service non-stop to Dallas? Get me to my private 49’ers plane!”

And then he’d quickly stand up, grab his attaché case or perhaps his soft-sided leather bag, and step into the aisle. Then, shaking his head in disbelief, he’d grab me by my shoulders and say, “Son. Thank you. I have been under so much stress lately as the head coach of the 49ers, you know, because it’s tough work making a real team out of those pansies, that I’ve been sleepwalking. Typically, I end up in my kitchen, staring at a half-full glass of milk, but this time, well, let’s just say I’m glad you snapped me out of that before I was in Texas airspace.”

Then, he’d pat me on the shoulder one more time, and then, using his superior athletic skills (which though rusted and faded were still clearly present) he’d nimbly dart upstream through the line of people crowding the aisle in the first class cabin, and make his way out of the plane.

And then, everyone would look at each other knowingly and nod to each, as if to say, “Wow. I will never forget the time I saw Mike Singletary not only sleepwalking but also sleep-buying-an-airline-ticket-to-Dallas.”

That’s what I expected to happen.

But that’s not what happened. Mike Singletary just kind of nodded at me.

Then I kind of went stupid. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, I’d already established that it was, indeed, Mike Singletary. So I did what came naturally. I decided to make a joke. Again, I will offer you a tape recorder to my mental processes. Keep in mind these were my thoughts in the span of about 1/8 of a second.

MY MIND:
Joke. Joke. Need a joke. What to say? Oh, I know. You could pull a Dennis Green and just start shouting, “You are who I thought you were! You are who I thought you were!” That would be funny on three levels. First, it’s a play on the fact that I’m clearly way too excited about recognizing him. Second, it’s a head coach joke. Third, it’s a black head coach joke.

ANOTHER PART OF MY MIND:
You idiot. You can’t start shouting on a plane. They’ll call security. Plus, what if Mike Singletary doesn’t get the reference, because let’s be honest, it’s a bit obscure. Then you’ll look like a huge, insane idiot.

MY MIND:
Ohh, good point. Okay, what about something that compliments him. What if you say something like, “Well, I feel good about a Hall of Fame linebacker being on the plane to protect the cockpit, because if Eric Dickerson can’t make it past number 50, then you know some nervous hack from Qatar with a box cutter ain’t gonna get it done.”

ANOTHER PART OF MY MIND:
What?

MY MIND:
See, it’s funny because of the reference to Eric Dickerson.

ANOTHER PART OF MY MIND:
And not funny because it mentions terrorists and also is vaguely racist.

MY MIND:
Okay, what if you went straight football. Don’t go pop reference, just straight football. You could say, “So wait. You played your whole career in Chicago, and now you’re the head coach of the San Francisco 49’ers, and you’re voluntarily flying to Dallas. I don’t think that’s safe, man.

ANOTHER PART OF MY MIND:
Ooh, that’s good. Say it. Out loud. Now. Quick. Before too much time passes. Plus, you’re stuck in this line and can’t move anywhere and your daughter isn’t getting any lighter.

ME:
(to Mike Singletary)
“So wait. You played your whole career in Chicago, and now you’re the head coach of the San Francisco 49’ers, and you’re voluntarily flying to Dallas. I don’t think that’s safe, man.

NFL HALL OF FAMER MIKE SINGLETARY:
Haha.

ME:
(gaining confidence that he didn’t immediately tackle me and beat me)
“They might jump you. Seriously, if you need protection, I might look soft, but underneath this insulation is some real power. So let me know, I’m in 8D”

NFL HALL OF FAMER MIKE SINGLETARY:
Haha. Okay.

MY MIND:
Oh my gosh! That totally rocked! He laughed.

ANOTHER PART OF MY MIND:
Say something about how you respect his character, his integrity and the fact that he’s a committed follower of Jesus. Mention Jesus! You’re a pastor. This could be your chance. He could see that you’re both funny and a Christian and then offer you a role as Chaplain to the 49ers! This could be a turning point in your career! You could meld your two passions: Jesus and Football! Come on!

FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
(using the PA system)
Attention passengers: if you could make your way to your seat so that everyone can get on the plane.

MY MIND:
Oh, she’s talking about me.

So that was my encounter with football legend Mike Singletary.

Can you imagine what would have happened if I'd been on a plane with, say, Bono? I'd be in custody.

Clips about Gay Marriage...

2009-01-21T09:33:00.000-08:00

Two clips for you culture warriors out there.

Gov. Mike Huckabee vs. Jon Stewart
Two articulate, intelligent guys who I respect debate Gay Marriage. Something's gotta give - you be the judge on whose arguments were better.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Why Gay Marriage is Worse than the H-bomb
And an important, provocative piece about the potential fall-out from gay marriage.

Thinking About Having Kids?

2008-12-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my main main Jon Fortt (whose birthday is today) for this fascinating perspective on what it means to be a parent.

Lesson 1

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel….

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

Lesson 6

Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

Lesson 8

Lesson 9
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11

Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s “Noggin”?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying “mommy” repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each “mommy”; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the “mommy” tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Want to know what Grace looks like?

2008-12-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

Editor's Note: A shout-out to Ian Liardon for passing this story along to me.

Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver broke through the guardrail, on the right side of the culvert, where the people are standing on the road, pointing.

The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail.

It flipped end-over-end bounced off and across the culvert outlet, and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling.

The 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.

This event happened just outside Flagstaff, AZ on U.S. Hwy 100.

Now look at the second picture below...

Black Friday: Tieche's Reflections

2008-12-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

A quick video about my thoughts on Black Friday.

You can view a larger file here or just click below.

Fatherhood: by Tieche

2008-12-03T09:55:00.000-08:00

Author's Note: Yesterday, at my Tuesday Night Men's Bible Study, I suddenly realized that three of the guys around the table all have wives who are pregnant. Three! And two of those guys are about to become fathers for the first time. In thinking about that, I went through my old blogs and pulled out some of the better essays I wrote about being and becoming a parent. So Josh, Josh and Russell, this post's for you.

It's my prayer that you will read these essays and years from now, think back to my gentle and comforting words and think, "Wow. Thank goodness for Tieche's gentle and comforting words. They really comforted me. In a gentle way."

Either that, or you'll think, "What a load of cow dung! Tieche was full of it! That guy's an idiot!"

So. Yeah. Mileage may vary.

The Best Articles

Two Most Important Lessons I Learned From My Kids

The Meaning of Forgiveness

The Meaning of Christmas

Training to be a Father

Your Baby's Arm is Falling Off? Yeah, that's normal.

Fear of Fatherhood

Apparently, Fathers Aren't Supposed to Feel This Way

The Terror of Not Being In Control

Wishing I Could Control Life

When Illness Hits

Hilarious retelling of virus-infected Christmas

Curse of the Penguins

Pretty Good Articles

Unexpected Emotion at a TV Commerical

Derek Redmond and His Dad

Cute Things Justus Has Said

Here

And here.

Misadventures of Being a Father

Father's Day Mishaps

Chaos Theory, Dinosaurs and Feminine Hygiene Products

Tough Day

Not the *best* day.

The Meaning of Jaelle's Name

Explanation of Jaelle's Name

The Story of Jaelle's Birth

Probably the funniest story on this list

Essays About How Life Changes After Kids

Nicole's mom laughed at this one.

Story of Justus' Birth

Part I

Part II

Part III

Marveling at God Through This Process

Umbilical Strikes a Cord With Me

Lessons for Christians from the Election 2008

2008-11-26T19:46:00.001-08:00

Note from Tieche: If I were smarter and could write better, this is exactly the kind of article I'd write. Also, I LOVE that Ortberg quotes Eddie Izzard, easily the funniest stand-up comic I've ever seen in my life.

The seven deadly sins of evangelicals in politics.
by John Ortberg

My son has a bumper sticker on his car that reads: “I poke badgers with spoons.” Its significance is not self-evident to everybody who reads it, so let me tell you the story.

It comes from a British stand-up named Eddie Izzard. Eddie grew up in the church, and heard early on about the doctrine of original sin, but was a little fuzzy on the concept. He assumed that it meant that priests get tired of hearing the same old boring confessions time after time—greed, lust, gluttony, and lying to the tax man. Eddie thought the priests wanted to hear some truly original sins.

So he came up with something he figured no one had ever confessed before: “I poke badgers with spoons.” My wife thought it was so funny that she had it printed on a bumper sticker and placed it on my son’s car. Oddly enough, he sometimes fails to appreciate that his parents are two of the funniest people in the world. But he wanted the car. So he gets the sticker that goes with it.

Debates have raged for centuries now over the phrase “original sin,” which of course doesn’t actually show up in the Bible. Augustine argued that there is a fundamental flaw, a bentness, that gets passed on to every human being before they are even born. (He believed it was intrinsic to the sex act, which may be part of why he never had a little Augustine, Jr.--at least not legitimately.) The classic counter-argument was raised by Pelagius, who claimed that each human being was a blank slate, a morally neutral free agent who had a clean shot at maintaining perfect innocence. Pelagius clearly never had children.

The church came down, with a few caveats, on the side of Augustine and not Pelagius. But Eddie Izzard gets a shout out now and then. The Vatican recently published a list of sins (such as environmental transgressions) which, if not completely original, at least give an updated twist to the old seven deadlies.

Which brings me to the election...

I am a political junkie. During a presidential campaign, I will often buy a couple of newspapers a day just to keep up. But it strikes me that presidential campaigns can often bring out the worst as well as the best in us.So I want to propose the “Seven Deadly Sins of Evangelicals and Politics.” You may have a few of your own to add. But the spirit of such lists in the past was not to add to our store of information but to contrition. So feel free to confess while you read.

Messianism. The sin of believing that a merely human person or system can usher in the eschaton. This is often tipped off by phrases like: “The most important election of our lifetime” (which one wasn’t?); or “God’s man for the hour.”

Selective Scripturization. The sin of using Scripture to reinforce whatever attitude toward the president you feel like holding, while shellacking it with a thin spiritual veneer. If the candidate you like holds office, you consistently point people toward Romans 13: “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.” If your candidate lost, you consistently point people to Acts 4:10 where Peter and John say to the Sanhedrin: “Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God’s sight to obey you rather than God.” It’s just lucky for us the Bible is such a big book.

Easy Believism. This is the sin of believing the worst about a candidate you disagree with, because when you want them to lose you actually want to believe bad things about them. “Love is patient, love is kind,” Paul said. “Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth.” But in Paul’s day nobody ran for Caesar. There was no talk radio.

Episodism. The sin of being engaged in civic life only on a random basis. The real issues never go away, but we’re tempted to give them our attention only when the news about them is controversial, or simplistic, or emotionally charged. Sustained attention to vital but unsexy issues is not our strong suit.

Alarmism. A friend of mine used to work for an organization that claimed both Christian identity and a particular political orientation. They actually liked it when a president was elected of the opposite persuasion, because it meant they could raise a lot more money. It is in their financial interests to convince their constituents that the president is less sane than Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Alarmists on both sides of the spectrum make it sound like we’re electing a Bogeyman-in-Chief every four years. I sometimes think we should move the election up a few days to October 31.

One Issue-ism. Justifying our intolerance of complexity and nuance by collapsing a decision into a simplistic and superficial framework.

Pride. I couldn’t think of a snappy title for this one. But politics, after all, is largely about power. And power goes to the core of our issues of control and narcissism and need to be right and tendency to divide the human race into "us" vs. "them."

What might happen if the world were to see those of us who claim to be the church vote, and speak, and campaign, and respond to the results in a humble and repentant spirit?

John Ortberg is editor-at-large of Leadership and pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian Church in Menlo Park, California. He writes a monthly column on our sister site www.LeadershipJournal.net.

Funny Things My Son Has Said This Week

2008-11-26T19:44:00.001-08:00

While at Target
Justus: "Look, Mom! Sponge Bob!"
Nicole: Yeah, Justus, I don't really like Sponge Bob.
Justus: (matter of factly) Well, then don't look at him.

While driving in the car, and hearing a song by a female singer.
Justus: I don't like all this girl stuff.
Nicole: Really?
Justus: Yeah. I like boy stuff.
Nicole: Like what?
Justus: Like riding tricycles, playing drums, going on my daddy's bicycle, climbing trees. Those sorts of things.
Nicole: So what is girl's stuff.
Justus: Going into a hot shower.

While playing on the kitchen table with his toys
Justus: You are trapped! You are trapped! Oh no! Oh no! What are we going to do! Don't worry! God sees you in the furnace! God sees you in the furnace! Mutant Turtles, Kung Fu Panda, Skee-doosh!

While playing with an alphabet puzzle with me
Justus: (holding up the letter "L") Daddy, is there a this letter in my name?
Me: No, buddy, there isn't. That's an "L"
Justus. Oh. (pause) Daddy is there a 5 in my name?

Happy Thanksgiving...

2008-11-26T15:08:00.000-08:00

Note: This Thanksgiving, I'll use the words of two amazing writers. First off, my close friend Jonathan Ziman, who wrote this devotional for today:

It's impossible not to have certain assumptions about what Christmas Day should look like. Years of family traditions have conditioned us to expect certain foods, certain activities and even a certain kind of weather. Mess with any of those key ingredients and the whole Christmas Day recipe gets thrown off. However, somewhere in the middle of wrapping the presents, decorating the tree, baking the cookies, and preparing to either visit, or be visited by, friends and family, we need to reflect on who we are thankful to and why.

Heb. 1:1-4 (NIV):
"In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. So he became as much superior to the angels as the name he has inherited is superior to theirs."

The writer of the Book of Hebrews points us in the right direction when he says, "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word" (Heb. 1:3a). His is a Heavenly focus, an act of praise and worship directed towards the creator of all things. His vision is grand in scope, beyond the trivialities of daily life. The writer acknowledges that Jesus is at the center of everything.

Col. 1:15-17 (NIV):
"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

Unfortunately, our own Thanksgiving prayers can often fall painfully short of this grand vision of God's greatness. All too often they can end up sounding little more than a quickly written thank-you note:

"Dear God, Thank you for giving me . It fits perfectly/is exactly the right color/sounds just the way I thought it would. I look forward to seeing you again soon, love, ."

Although our intentions are spot on, our words indicate a heart that secretly treats God like a kind old grandfather. Our thankfulness is driven almost entirely by the things we have and the resulting emotions that we feel. Rarely are we driven to thankfulness simply because God is God. Yes, of course we should be thankful and appreciative for all the blessings that come from God. We deserve none of it and it is healthy to respect God as the Creator of all good things. However, if we never move beyond that model, then how can we be thankful during times of stress and difficulty? How can we be thankful in sickness and suffering? What does it look like to express thanks when we don't feel thankful?

****

Good question. And so, to help me articulate what I'm MOST thankful for this Thanksgiving, I'll turn to the late Dr. Shadrach Meshach Lockridge.

Click here to view the video.
(It takes a while to load, but it's worth it.)

Reconciliation Video

2008-11-18T12:39:00.001-08:00

A video featuring a cool story that I got to be a part of.

You can view it below or download it here.

Quote from Bono

2008-09-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

It's extraordinary to me that the United States can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire G8 can't find $25 billion dollars to save 25,000 children who die every day from preventable diseases.

- Bono, rock star and anti-poverty activist.
Source: The American Prospect blog

Eerie.

2008-09-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

The other day while driving with my wife and kids to get frozen yogurt - or FroYo, as we call it - I heard a song on the radio and my jaw about hit the floor of my mini-v..er..pimped out awesome ride.

It took me a while, but I tracked it down. It's by a guy named Matthew West - it's called Next Thing You Know. Except for a minor change in date and other details (I was 15 and was actually at the Billy Graham Crusade in Three Rivers Ball Park in Philadephia), his story could very literally be mine.

I should write Matthew.

I remember when I was thirteen
I saw a picture on my TV screen
The Reverend Billy Graham and the people sing “Just As I Am”
And I felt like You were talking to me

And the whole world seemed to fade away
Until I heard my mother say
“Son, are you ok? Do you wanna pray?
And that became the hour I first believed

Chorus:
And next thing you know
I’m high and flying, next thing you know
My heart is in Your hands, next thing you know
There is no denying, next thing you know
I’m a brand new man

Well I wish I could say I always stayed right there
And I did until my freshman year
But the world was pulling me along way from thirteen
And You were calling but I didn’t hear

Still I knew there was something more
So one day my knees hit the dorm room floor
I said “If You’re there and if You really care
Come and talk to me like I was thirteen”

Chorus

I Got a picture in my head today
Of how Heaven might look someday
I see the people there so I pull up a chair
And their stories they blew me away

‘Cause I can see it on every face
Their evidence of grace
And as I listen it occurs to me
Everybody’s got their own thirteen

So what’s your story about His glory?
You gotta find your place in the history of grace

Higher Standard for Christian Art

2008-09-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

As a guy who spends lots of time working to blend artistry into the local church, I am always looking for things to inspire me.

This clip certainly does the trick - though for perhaps all the wrong reasons. Be sure to notice this guy's dance moves, the stunning setting and the guys in the band.

Truly stunning.

You can view it here

Never Google Your Own Name

2008-09-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

I say this because as I was doing precisely that this morning, I found this article about a guy who shares my name. And apparently, a passion for cocaine and under-age women.

Oprah is Simply More Interesting

2008-09-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

I was reading this article about why Oprah's spiritual campaigns seem to get so much traction in the US. The author posits this question: Could it be because Oprah is doing a better job at attempting to tackle the tough questions of life in a more interesting manner than most churches?

Many who go to churches find Oprah much more inspiring than the sermons they hear. And what can we say when we compare the typical parish Bible study, with a handful of believers, to the hundreds of thousands who tuned in earlier this year to her 10-week study with Eckart Tolle of A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose?

People are thirsty to learn how to face pervasive unhappiness, to experience God for themselves, to cultivate an inner life, to move beyond the parochialism and exclusivism of religion and to sense the spiritual bonds that connect everyone and everything, to overcome the depressing guilt and sin-focused faith that many have grown up with and to know real joy. Pastors and church leaders can learn plenty from this.

I'm not saying that churches have to have an 80-million dollar marketing machine to get the word out - I'm saying that what people are hungry for is the very stuff that churches should be specialists in. Churches can really can point people to answers that REALLY matter - the teachings and person of Jesus are THE MOST COMPELLING answers to all those problems.

Funniest Book Titles of the Last 30 Years

2008-09-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

I read this story today about a contest to determine the weirdest and funniest book title from the last 30 years. The award is called the "Diagram Award" named after a book publisher noticed that one of the books produced by his company was entitled "Diagram of Diagrams." Here were some of the finalists for the award:

"People Who Don't Know They're Dead"

"How To Avoid Huge Ships."

"Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice"

"How To Bombproof Your Horse"

"If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs"

"Highlights in the History of Concrete"

"The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories"

Versailles: The View From Sweden

The Book of Marmalade: Its Antecedents, Its History, and Its Role in the World Today

and the winner:

"Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers"

Interesting Website

2008-09-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Shown here, the complete text of Pastor Bill's sermon this week run through a program called "Wordle."

So I came across this interesting site today called Wordle

You can copy and paste a website, or a block of text into the site and it creates a visual representation of that speech, with the words being used most often being featured in larger text.

I wonder if someone had the ability to "wordle" every single thing I've ever said, what the top words would be. I copied and pasted my blog from the last calendar year, and this is what came out. I'm glad "Jesus" is so big.

Just for fun, I cut and pasted the entire text of John McCain's RNC nomination speech.

Then, I did the same for Barack Obama's DNC nomination speech into the program, just because I wanted to see what words were most used by each candidate.

I'm not sure it reveals much, but it sure is interesting that the word "country" is so big. I mean, I like Leann Rimes as much as the next guy...but...come on.

David and Goliath: Not Really a Kid's Story

2008-09-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Shown here, Carravagio's famous and bloody portrayal of the story of David and Goliath. You can see more of this shocking and rebellious painter's work here.

So Justus and I play every night when I get home from work, often by wrestling on the bed. Recently, he's been interested in re-enacting various Bible stories, especially David and Goliath.

I play the role of Goliath, and I say, "Who wants to fight me?" and Justus says, "I grab five smooth stones!" and then he pretends to pick up rocks, counting out louad, "One, two, three, four, five." Then, he turns to me, takes a menacing stance and twirls his arms around and says, "Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh - THROW!"

He then proclaims, "I hit you right between the eyes!" And I pretend to be "knocked out." What's a bit more disturbing is that sometimes he jumps over to me and says, "I cut off your head!"

I'm kidding. He doesn't say that. But every time I read him his children's Bible, I keep thinking, "Well, that's technically how the story ends."

I can't wait until Noah's Ark. Whoever decided that the complete destruction of the world was a good theme for children's nurseries?

Let's just hope that this story and this story don't make it into a Children's Bible anytime soon.

That Senator Guy From Illinois...

2008-09-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

A quote from a speech given by Al Gore at the DNC - I thought it was an interesting perspective on "experience." Gore makes that case that "character" and "intellectual capacity" mean far more, citing the unique case of our greatest president, Abraham Lincoln.

Before he entered the White House, Abraham Lincoln's experience in elective office consisted of eight years in his state legislature in Springfield, Illinois, and one term in Congress - during which he showed the courage and wisdom to oppose the invasion of another country that was popular when it started but later condemned by history.

The experience Lincoln's supporters valued most in that race was his powerful ability to inspire hope in the future at a time of impasse. He was known chiefly as a clear thinker and a great orator, with a passion for justice and a determination to heal the deep divisions of our land. He insisted on reaching past partisan and regional divides to exalt our common humanity.

If only Barack Obama had been born in a Hawaiian log cabin, then the parallel would be PERFECT.

BTW - the war that Lincoln strongly dissented against? The Mexican-American War. A disastrous political war championed mainly by the Southern Democrats who wanted more land and more slave states. Now that's a bad reason to go to war.

Gerson's Tattoo

2008-09-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

My buddy Gerson Castro, with whom I used to teach at Gunderson, recently alerted folks via Facebook that he got a new tattoo.

It's a quote from Ben Franklin that says:

"Holiness is in right action and courage on behalf of those who can not defend themselves. God is good to us. Let us continue to show a sense of his goodness by being good to our fellow man. For what man is a man who does not make the world better."

Certainly the longest quote I've ever seen anyone tattoo on their arm, but also definately the most thought-provoking.

What's interesting is the language. At first, I thought it was Hebrew, which seemed weird because Franklin wasn't Jewish. Then, I looked closer and saw that it wasn't Hebrew - it was Quenya, a fictional language spoken by the Elves in J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.

So Gerson, you win two awards today, buddy. First, Best Use of a Quote in Body Art and Best Use of a Language That's Not Only Dead, But Never Really Was Spoken Except By Elves in a Book.

John 18-19: Questions Galore

2008-08-23T07:06:00.001-07:00

So in our church's daily devotional reading plan, we're reading the Gospel of John. Reading it this time, I discovered that I had quite a few questions about things that I've never noticed before in the text. For example:

Cops Don't Normally Bow Before They Cuff You

I have read this story quite a few times, and I never saw this detail. It says, in John 18, when Jesus is arrested by the garrison.

"I am he," Jesus said. (And Judas the traitor was standing there with them.) 6When Jesus said, "I am he," they drew back and fell to the ground.

What? The cops bow down and fall to the ground? I don't imagine a garrison consisting of Roman Soldiers and Jewish servants (who hate Jesus) bowing down. This is a very strange detail. What is going on here?

Is this a foretaste of "every knee shall bow and every tongue confess?"
Did Jesus make them bow, as a way of showing that this whole situation is "allowed" by God?
Did the guards hear something in Jesus' response that made their hearts quake in awe and fear of God, and is that similar to what would happen to Pilate later.

And just to be clear - I have no answers on this.

Accidentally Making My Case For Me

One thing that struck me this time reading John is that it's very well framed, from a literary perspective. It's filled with irony. Take, for example, the fact that people who are no friends of Jesus actually say things that are true. Dressing Jesus up like a King, and calling Jesus a king, for example.

1Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. 2The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe 3and went up to him again and again, saying, "Hail, king of the Jews!" And they struck him in the face.

This is just one of the little moments of irony that John records. Reading it reminded me of the Roman Centurian who was near Jesus at his death and also when Pilate puts an ironic sign over the head of Jesus that affirms his humble beginnings (from Nazareth) and his deity (King).

It's almost as though Gentiles are proclaiming Christ to be their King against their will, or unknowingly. Of course, later, Gentiles would do this in a vastly different way in a vastly different context (Acts 8, 10).

I See London, I See France

John actually spends a fair amount of time fixating on the undergarments of Jesus. In verse 23, it says

23When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. 24"Let's not tear it," they said to one another. "Let's decide by lot who will get it."

First of all, a bunch of grown dudes throwing dice over underwear is a bit odd.

And what's with the detail that John throws in that the garment is seamless. Is this just fantastic journalist detail and realism? Considering that genre of literature had not yet been invented, I doubt it. Was it symbolic to John, harkening to the "chiton" or the undergarment worn by the Jewish high priest? Was the fact that this undergarment was seamless unique? Did Jesus have high-end, well-tailored boxers? That's doubtful. Was it supposed to show Jesus' own seamlessness, in his life and interaction with God - his holiness? Did it represent to John the seamlessness of the community of God that would come about because of the death of Jesus (or that should come about and sometimes doesn't).

Life's Problems

2008-08-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

Read a joke today. Went like this:

A pet-store delivery driver was traveling down the road. Everytime he came to a stoplight, he would get out of the truck and grab a two-by-four. Then he'd run to the back and start beating on the truck's back doors. This went on for several miles, and nobody could figure out what he was doing. Finally, the guy who had been behind him pulled alongside and just had to ask, "What are you doing?"

"This is only a two-ton truck," the truck driver said, "And I'm carrying four tons of canaries. I've got to keep two tons of them up in the air all the time."

*sigh*

Isn't that how life feels sometimes?

The First Annual FCC Joke Show

2008-07-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

This past weekend at FCC, I spoke on the topic of joy and laughter. This was the 9-minute intro, in which we did nothing but tell jokes. The goal was to get people to laugh, so ideally, it will make you laugh, too.

Thus far, I've been incredibly pleased because nine people have emailed me - 7 telling me how glad they were that I made jokes in church and two to tell me how mortally offended they were. Dave Tieche - pissing off overly religious people since 1975.

The file is pretty large (90MB) so YouTube has been having a hard time processing it. I also posted it here so you might have to wait a few minutes for it to load. But I think you'll find it's worth it.

Patriotism: Two Opposing Views

2008-07-25T15:56:00.000-07:00

I read this article over the 4th of July when I was in London, on my way back from Africa. It articulated - in a way I had never thought about - the difference between the brands/types of patriotism. These are seen often, played out in party politics.

Pride of the Past
The conservative answer is implicit in the title of John McCain's 1999 book, Faith of My Fathers. Why should we love America? In part, at least, because our forefathers did. Think about the lyrics to America ("My Country, 'Tis of Thee"): "Land where my fathers died,/ Land of the Pilgrims' pride." Most liberals don't consider those the best lines of the song. What about the Americans whose fathers died somewhere else? What about all the nasty stuff the Pilgrims did? But conservatives generally want to conserve, and that requires a reverence for the past. What McCain's title implies is that patriotism isn't a choice; it's an inheritance. Being born into a nation is like being born into a religion or a family. You may be called on to reaffirm the commitment as you reach adulthood--as McCain did by joining the military--but it is impressed upon you early on, by those who have come before.

And then there's the liberal definition of patriotism.

Hope for the Future
If conservatives tend to see patriotism as an inheritance from a glorious past, liberals often see it as the promise of a future that redeems the past. Consider Obama's original answer about the flag pin: "I won't wear that pin on my chest," he said last fall. "Instead, I'm going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testimony to my patriotism." Will make this country great? It wasn't great in the past? It's not great as it is? The liberal answer is, Not great enough. For liberals, America is less a common culture than a set of ideals about democracy, equality and the rule of law. American history is a chronicle of the distance between those ideals and reality. And American patriotism is the struggle to narrow the gap. Thus, patriotism isn't about honoring and replicating the past; it's about surpassing it.

The author's point is that this dichotomy is a false choice. Of course, I agree. I also tend to lean toward the second definition. Anyone who has taken even a cursory look at history can clearly see that the sunny, patriotic tone of most school textbooks is simply...crap.

Interestingly enough, this shed some light onto why some colleagues of mine at FCC get incredibly nervous when I point out the massive historical failures of the church to live up to the dictates of Christ. They see it as a lack of love. Just as some conservatives viewed MLK's criticism of America as a lack of patriotism. It wasn't. It isn't. Maybe this article will help the sides be more aware of each other.

You can read the whole article here.

One Year Old

2008-07-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

It's been one year since the anniversary of me becoming a father to a daughter. To honor my baby girl, I thought I'd reference this post from a year ago that recounts the story of her birth.

You can read it here.

At Least He Said "Please"

2008-07-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

Drivers in Orlando have been treated a rare treat: a billboard that suggests that voting for Barack Obama will result in more terrorist attacks on the U.S.

The man behind this billboard is Mike Meehan, a St. Cloud businessman and musician. Politicians from both sides of the aisles have condemned the ad, but I think everyone is missing the point, which is that manners are not dead.

Hey, just because you finance an inflammatory billboard likening the policies of the rival political party to being a likely to cause terrorist attacks to increase doesn't mean you have to be mean about it.

Derek Redmond and His Dad

2008-07-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

I just saw a Visa Commercial during a rerun of Scrubs. I started crying uncontrollably.

You can watch the whole clip here.

Watch as Derek's father shoves off security guards to get to his boy. As he reaches his son, all he said was simply, "I'm here son."

My son is sleeping in the other room, and I can't stop sobbing.

4th of July: Family Problems

2008-07-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

This skit was featured during week 2 of FCC's sermon series "Toxic" which dealt with how to handle toxic family members.

The skit was written in a brainstorming session with the drama team. Ben Van Meter and Allison Praisewater started arguing about their fourth of July plans. Ben insisted that parades were lame, while Allison vehemently argued that they weren't. As they bantered, I just started typing.

Sometimes, the best material falls right in your lap. The result was this skit, which is funny, but made funnier by the casting of Heidi Morrison opposite of sweet Allison. Kudos to Cindra, who directed a difficult skit with more moving parts than either of us expected.

Warning: Heidi's line: "You need to back off with your Clue hating. It's an intense game of logic and deduction" is delivered to perfectly that you might blow a gasket laughing. At least I did.

You can download and watch a larger file here, or just click on the YouTube file below.

Being a Pharisee

2008-07-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

Two weekends ago, FCC's started a sermon series called "Toxic." The first week dealt with identifying and then distancing yourself from toxic religious people. The problem is, sometimes the toxic religious people are...you and me.

My buddy Ben opened the service with this monologue (which we wrote together). I thought Ben's performance was particularly fresh and honest

You can click here to download a higher quality version, or just watch it on YouTube.

Thank You Marvel Comics. Now, if you don't mind picking up the counseling tab for my toddler...

2008-06-25T23:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, because it was family day, I took my wife and 3-year-old son to go see the movie "Kung-Fu Panda."

Now, because Justus is *only* three years old, I am quite careful about the movies that I expose him to. After the debacle last year at the Elmo Makes Music concert, I learned that one can never be too careful.

So I read all the reviews about this movie, using helpful internet resources for parents, such as Kids In Mind, and I talked to about 20 people I knew who went to see it with their kids and whose opinion I trust. They all said that the movie would not be too intense for Justus, and that the scary scenes weren't too scary.

I know, it sounds crazy, but just because a movie is rated "G" doesn't mean a little kid can handle it. The movie "Cars" by Pixar is incredibly innocuous, but there is a throw-away scene with a harvester that chases Mater and Lightning that really frightened Justus.

And don't get me started on Finding Nemo. Stuff like this and this are freaking terrifying even to me, and I'm an adult.

A pansy, perhaps, but an adult.

So I was so careful. I wanted this whole experience to be very fun and positive for Justus.

So imagine my surprise when the doors of the elevator opened up on the second floor of the theater to this:

Justus screamed in stark terror, and just about climbed up the polished metal walls of the elevator. I had to spend about 10 minutes just getting him into the theater. And tonight, as I was putting him to bed, we had to talk about what a statue was, and how it was just fake, and how he didn't need to be scared of it.

"But what happen if the big green guy from the theater comes," Justus whimpered.

I told Justus that it was just a statue, but that if any bad guys came, Daddy and Justus could beat them all up, and that God would help (kind of weird theology). Justus said that if God were there, he would beat up all the bad guys and then Daddy and Justus could just go to bed (better theology). And then we prayed for good dreams.

But still, the whole thing kind of sucks.

*sigh*

BTW: Kung Fu Panda is FANTASTIC

Kevin Garnett: Holy Crap

2008-06-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

And you wonder why the Celtics won the 2008 NBA Title. Defense, baby, led by KG, who won the league's award for Best Defensive Player.

This may be the second-best photo I've ever seen of the NBA, if only because it features two of the premiere players of this generation. The best pic, is, of course, this one.

If I were still teaching English, I would show this picture and have my students write 500 words about what it means to them.

Man, I'm fired up just looking at it. (click on the picture for a larger version)

Daddy, Please I Fly

2008-06-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

I was putting Justus to bed and he said to me, "Daddy, please I sleep on the ceiling."

Uh. Well, son, it's okay with me, but you'll have to ask your mother.

The whole thing reminds me of this classic Calvin & Hobbes cartoon.

Father's Day 2008: Not Exactly What I Had in Mind

2008-06-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

So every Father's Day for the past couple of years, Nicole's side of the family has this patriarchal gathering at her Uncle Kurt's house in Redlands. Her 80-year-old grandparents fly in from Florida, her brother drives in from LA, her Dad and step-mom drive down from San Francisco, and we make the 6-hour trek down to San Bernardino county.

Let me recount the weekend's festivities:

DAY 1:

Honda Odyssey

6-hour car trip with two kids both under the age of three.

DAY 2:

Day 3

Day 4:

about

least

Mr. Waternoose

Epiphany
I realized something from this frantic, crazy day. I realized that being a Father doesn't mean what I used to think it means. I thought being a Father meant that you had to be strong, always know how to fix everything, and be able to navigate around the problems of life.

The problem is that there are some storms of life you can't navigate around. And sometimes, you can't even protect your family from them. When the going gets tough, in those situations, the tendency of us all is to turn inward and focus on ourselves.

But being a Father means that you put yourself aside and even when you don't feel like it, you dig deep and make sure that your family, your kids, your wife, have what they need. You do what you can to give something to them, even though you feel like you're on empty. You put yourself aside and encourage them, or help them, or meet their needs.

That's what Dads do.

It's funny - I imagined, going into Father's Day, that the perfect day would be to sit in a new easy chair as I chowed down on some tri-tip while watching the NBA Finals (with no interruptions) on my brand new 72-inch plasma TV.

But that night, as I walked around the house turning off the lights and making sure all the doors were locked, I looked at my wife (who was lying in bed properly medicated and safe at home), my daughter (snoozing in her crib with her pacifier and bunny blanket) and my son (snuggled up in his Curious George blanket).

And that's when I realized that this Father's Day was just...perfect.

Father's Day Pictures

2008-06-17T12:31:00.000-07:00

Picture Magnets
For Father's Day, Nicole had her friend Laura dress Justus up in some big boy clothes and take some pictures. Apparently, he was a natural, posing and smiling. The pictures were then printed onto magnets that I can hang anywhere that is metallic.

My goodness, if you look up "dapper" in the dictionary, you'd find this young man's picture.

Not sure if Justus just beat paper in a rousing game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" or if he's throwing up gang signs. Either way, this looks a bit like a magazine ad to me.

Old College Buddy.

2008-06-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

My old college buddy Drew Powell lives in LA and has been pretty successful at breaking into the business down there. He was on an episode of "The Office" earlier this year, where he played a bartender who hit on Pam.

You can see him in this new Jack-in-the-Box commercial. He's the runner. Funny guy.

Chaos Theory, Dinosaurs, and Feminine Hygiene Products

2008-06-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

Shown here, the so-called "butterfly effect" in which small variations of the initial condition of a dynamic system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system. This is also called "Chaos theory."

One of my favorite books of all time is Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton. The novel (which was made into a mildly successful movie) is based upon the idea of Chaos Theory. In the novel, mathematician Ian Malcolm's interpretation of chaos theory asserts that Jurassic Park, as a complex physical system, will progress in a drastically unpredictable manner that will inevitably result in disaster, regardless of the precautions that have been taken. The idea is that a series of little tiny unknown variables add up and compound upon each other until the outcome seems completely random (and altogether tragic).

This is exactly what happened to me Monday morning. Let me explain.

The First Variable: The Early-rising Daughter
It was 7:14 a.m., and since Jaelle had decided to wake up at 6:06 a.m., I figured "Hey, why not kill a few birds with one stone. Whilst everyone is sleeping, I can take Jaelle, who is happy, fed and highly portable, and go grocery shopping."

The Second Variable: The List
After making my way successfully through the produce aisle, getting everything I needed, I happened to peer down further at the list. To my horror, the list included not only groceries, but also a list of products that my wife needed. They are products that only women need. And they are products which I - as an only child who had no sisters - am still, to this day, embarrassed to talk about or mention. Let's just say they rhyme with "Taxi fad."

The Third Variable: My General Discomfort
For being a really loud guy, there are certain things that make me really uncomfortable. For example, I don't like the word "panties." It is my third least favorite word in the English language, behind only "pimple" and "moist." So when I went to the grocery store, I had no idea I was going to be buying panty liners and maxi pads. This is like asking me to to to Kragen and buy the correct socket wrench set to repair a Dodge Hemi Engine. I don't have the first clue what to look for.

The Fourth Variable: Massive Selection
It would be simple enough if there were only one type of maxi pad and one type of panty liner. Then, I could just rapidly cruise by the area, grab the product, throw it into the cart, and go on to the Doritos. But there was at least 15 feet of shelf space devoted to these products.

I scanned the selection, trying to figure out what to buy. One of the products had the word "jumbo" on it. I avoided that, because no woman wants to be associated with the word "jumbo" ever. I knew that.

Some of them were scented. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Some of them offered "maximum protection" while others offered "maximum comfort."

Oh crap.

Of those two, which is the most important variable? Protection or comfort?

Then I got really confused. Some of them had wings. Wings? Wings? Are these going to be flying around aisle 9? Do I need to get a butterfly net to chase these things down? I broke into a cold sweat.

The Fifth Variable: Raw Fear
After standing in front of this aisle for a good 8 minutes, I began to panic. I realized that I simply didn't have near enough information to make this decision. And the longer I stood there, the more afraid I became that someone would notice me. It's like when your kid is going to the bathroom in a public restroom, and you're there, just hanging around outside the stall and someone walks in and looks at you. And you feel the need to say something like, "Are you okay in there, SON." Just so you dont' get reported as a weirdo bathroom stalker, or something. That's the kind of fear I had. I was half expecting to hear someone come over the intercom and say:

Attention Shoppers: Will the clearly nervous and agitated man in the Tampon Aisle please move away so that our other shoppers can have access to the feminine hygiene products. Thank you.

The Sixth Variable: The Text Message
All of which led me to take out my phone and text the following message to my wife:

"Hey. If you're up, call me. I have some questions about maxi pads."
The Seventh Variable: The Lack of Omars in my Life
According to my cell phone address book, I don't know anyone whose name (last or first) begins with "O." No Oscars. No Orenthals. No Oswalds, Olivers, Olivias (Newton John or otherwise), Obadiahs, or Octaviuses. Nothing. My list of friends includes no one with an "O" name.

Which means, therefore, that my cell phone address book goes directly from the "N" people to the "P" people.

The Eighth Variable: The Address Book
Therefore, my phone's address book contact list goes like this:

Nicki Kozma (my cousin)
Nicole (my wife)
Pastor Bill Cell (my boss)

The Ninth Variable: Being a Large Man
I have large hands and my cell phone's buttons are quite small, meaning it's easy for me to press a button I don't mean to press.

The Final Outcome: Chaos
All of which led to that text being sent, not to my wife, but to Pastor Bill. My boss. At 7:14 a.m.

*sigh*

Financial Skits = YouTube

2008-06-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Editor's Note: This post contains the same video files as the previous post, only in a lower-resolution, fasting-loading format from YouTube.

Skit 1: The Impulsive Spender
This skit illustrates the problem with people who blow their budget with impulse buying.

Skit 2: The Compulsive Spender
People who are compulsive buyers buy not because they "need" something, but because they're trying to fill a void with material possessions. This skit shows how ridiculous this dysfunction can be.

Skit 3: The Revenge Spender
People who are "Revenge" spenders are disciplined for long periods of time, and then get tired of the discipline of budgeting and blow their savings on something lavish. This skit illustrates the problem with people who "get revenge" on their budget - but really hurt themselves.

Skit 4: The Boredom Spender
This skit illustrates the problem with people who buy things simply to alleviate their boredom.

Skit 5: The Special Interest Spender
This type of financial dysfunction is caused by a person with an out-of-control hobby that siphons off hundreds - sometimes thousands - of dollars. As you can see from this skit this can result in real marital tension.

Skit 6: The Status Spender
Status Spenders are people who buy things not because they need them, but because someone else has it. This results in envy and coveting, which this skit shows is never a good thing.

Financial Hilarity

2008-05-28T15:49:00.001-07:00

Editor's Note: This past weekend, our church did a service about finances. Sermons about money can be pretty boring, so to combat that, I asked our drama team to improv some scenarios, we workshopped the scripts and then came up with these (in my opinion very funny) sketches that talk about the 6 types of budget-blowing financial dysfunctions. These files are about 25MB, so be patient, or right-click on them to save them to your computer.

Skit 1: The Impulsive Spender
This skit illustrates the problem with people who blow their budget with impulse buying.

Skit 2: The Compulsive Spender
People who are compulsive buyers buy not because they "need" something, but because they're trying to fill a void with material possessions. This skit shows how ridiculous this dysfunction can be.

Skit 3: The Revenge Spender
People who are "Revenge" spenders are disciplined for long periods of time, and then get tired of the discipline of budgeting and blow their savings on something lavish. This skit illustrates the problem with people who "get revenge" on their budget - but really hurt themselves.

Skit 4: The Boredom Spender
This skit illustrates the problem with people who buy things simply to alleviate their boredom.

Skit 5: The Special Interest Spender
This type of financial dysfunction is caused by a person with an out-of-control hobby that siphons off hundreds - sometimes thousands - of dollars. As you can see from this skit, this can result in real marital tension.

Skit 6: The Status Spender
Status Spenders are people who buy things not because they need them, but because someone else has it. This results in envy and coveting, which this skit shows is never a good thing.

2001: A Space Odyssey

2008-05-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

Shown here, a scene from Stanley Kubrick's famous 1968 film 2001: A Space Odyssey based upon Arthur C. Clarke's science fiction novel of the same name.

The other morning, Jaelle awoke at 5:49 a.m. I was exhausted, but Nicole was *more* exhausted, so I got up with my daughter. Too tired to do much else, I let her play on the floor, and I mindlessly flicked on the TV. It just so happened that the Sci-Fi channel was playing the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. The movie fascinated me for a number of reasons. So here are my reflections:

First of all, HAL9000 has got to be one of the creepiest villains in film history. Darth Vader. Hannibal Lecter. Wicked Witch of the West. The Shark from Jaws. And HAL.

Second of all, despite being made before man landed on the moon, the movie is not dated. It still works mainly because (like Blade Runner and other films) it invites us to think deeply about our own existence.

Thirdly, I was thinking that one of the reasons the movie is genius is because Kubrick (a poet and artist) attempted to make a movie out of a book written by Arthur C. Clarke (a scientist). Artists and Scientists are different species. They see the world in totally different ways. And as I was watching it, I had to think that Kubrick included ideas and themes that Clarke never would have imagined. The interplay of the world views was fascinating.

For example:

1. The Mistrust of Technology.
Hal9000 goes haywire, killing nearly everyone. Watching it, it made me think of Jurassic Park, another great Sci-Fi book. There’s a part in that novel where a string of unfortunate events lets all the dinosaurs out despite the myriad of “failsafe” security measures. Chaos theorist and mathematician Ian Malcolm says to the cloning engineers this famous line. He says, “You were so busy wondering if you could do it, you never stopped to think if you should.” The tendency of the scientist is (often) to elevate man’s intelligence and his potential to nearly god-like status – and yet the Greeks and poets across the ages have kindly warned against this type of hubris by painting vivid pictures of what happens when man thinks he can control everything. It always results in tragedy.

2. Evolution (With Some Outside Help)
In the first scene of the movie, prehistoric apes, confronted by a mysterious black monolith, teach themselves that bones can be used as weapons, and thus discover their first tools. The bone is thrown into the air and dissolves into a space shuttle, which must be, in the words of film critic Roger Ebert, the longest flash-forward in the history of the cinema. Apes have “evolved” into space-exploring man.

But if you think about it, this scene is NOT conventional scientific evolutionary theory. The reason why the apes “evolve” is because of the monolith. The smooth artificial surfaces and right angles of the monolith (which was obviously made by intelligent beings) triggered the realization in an ape brain that intelligence could be used to shape the objects of the world. Which means that a “higher intelligence” had to be inserted into the world of the apes for them to “become human.” This didn’t happen by chance – but by a purposeful interaction with a “higher being.” This sounds a lot like intelligent design, doesn’t it?

FOOTNOTE: Ben Stein recently did a documentary movie called Expelled in which he interviewed Christian scientists about their beliefs. Not just like 4th grade science teachers in Paducah, Kentucky, but renowned DNA-researchers, cellular biologists, and fossil record experts at some of the nation’s best universities who have come under withering attacks from the scientific community because they believe in God and believe in the right to follow the scientific evidence to where they believe it leads – which is to the possibility of God. Their stance in a nutshell, is this: "At the most basic level of human life, the cellular level, there is a ton of information (in the DNA code). There is also very clear order. This could not have happened by chance, because we know that things left to themselves tend toward chaos and disorder."

But this position is not popular at all. In fact, there has been a surge of “new atheism” which is increasingly aggressive and intolerant of any mention of God as being “unscientific” or “irrational” or “simply stupid.” Now I understand the fear of religion in the scientific community (think Galileo and Copernicus and their encounters with the Catholic Church) but this strikes me as really bad science.

3. The Final Authority
In the final scene of the movie, Man is confronted with a monolith, just as the apes were, and is drawn to a similar conclusion: This must have been made.

This made me think about the Book of Genesis and the Biblical account of Creation. Now, the Bible isn’t really a good scientific text book, and those who attempt to make it one are often frustrated. It's like using an ice cream cone to change a tire. Genesis is Hebrew Poetry, and what Moses is doing in Genesis isn’t really about science; it is theology. In the ancient near East, you had a myriad of cultures and religions, almost all of whom worshipped parts of nature. In fact, the very words “sun” and “moon” and “stars” that Moses uses would have been names of ancient gods. What Moses is doing is clear – he’s saying, “Hey everybody around here! You worship the sun, the ocean, the land – but there is a Creator who made all those things. The highest thing. The Creator. The one who was not created. You should worship that God.”

I find this same sentiment in the final scene of 2001, when man sees the monolith for the first time. There is a clear sense of awe and fear. There is an irresistible draw toward it. And there is the sense that this is something “other.” Higher. Bigger.

The difference between the movie and the Bible is that Kubrick doesn’t feel comfortable pointing anyone toward an answer about what this “other” is. Moses, on the other hand, does.

Final Thoughts
Watching 2001: A Space Odyssey at 5:49 in the morning made me think about the contrast between the brilliance of science and the brilliance of artists. I thought about the Arthur C. Clarkes of the world who I know and marvel at. I'm no scientist, but I'm sure glad my doctor is. And the structural engineer who built the bridge I drive over every day. And the surgeon who just operated on my friend's 4-year-old son to give him a liver transplant.

But there are moments, I think, when even scientists doubt. Moment when science comes to an end. When we realize that even if we mapped out every contour of the Universe, that wouldn’t explain why it’s here. Why we’re here.

Moments when we’re faced with the a sense that certain things are wrong – transcendently wrong and transcendently right – and we wonder where that conscience comes from and why it seems to be universally present.

There’s that moment of when we encounter a moving piece of art, or a stunning landscape, or an emotion of love crashes over us – what is a scientist to do with these? And this is why we have poets and philosophers. To remind us that there seems to be something inside us that yearns for...something else.

In the 20th century, we’ve seen a few societies convinced that religion is dangerous and have systematically attempted to pave over these streams with the thick, rough asphalt of communism and secularism and strict materialism. The idea that all we have is what we can observe. Science is God. And yet, those societies don’t function well. Strangely, those paved-over steams find ways to bubble up. And thirsty, parched men drink from them (even if they are polluted, they still drink). What is a scientist, a rationalist, to do with these signposts that seem to point to something even bigger than science?

Maybe, in those moments, the words of Moses are worth considering.

I agree with Chuck...

2008-04-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

There was a guy I knew in high school. He was quiet, mostly, and reserved. His name was Chuck. He was the opposite of me: he spoke after he'd thoroughly thought things through. He was measured and articulate. In short, he was both smart and wise. Again, the opposite of me.

And so the running joke in our history class was, "I agree with Chuck."

I find myself doing that a lot with a guy named Jim Wallis, who is an evangelical preacher devoted to important social issues of the day, but devoted in phrasing the issues in a more thoughtful way than most rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth, you-agree-with-me-or-you're-a-spawn-of-Satan Christians who seem to get all the play in the national media.

Recently, I came across this interview with Jim Wallis, done by Christianity Today.

Wallis' point about the pre-natal test to determine if a baby has Down's Syndrome struck a particular chord with me since a colleague of mine recently had a daughter who was born with Down Syndrome. If it's true that even the most staunchly conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said in a rare interview with 60 minutes that there isn't a constitutional mandate for outlawing abortion, then who will change this "throw-away culture" that's been created. Ideally, Christians.

I don't know if you'll agree with everything that Wallis says, but his thoughts are Biblical, thoughtful and presented diplomatically.

Worth a read.

Slightly Weird Photos

2008-04-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

A picture of my son who, upon waking up in the morning to find his four-day old balloon bouquet looking quite decrepit, turned to me while playing with it and said, "Look. All the balloons now have nipples."

So they do, son. So they do.

Wait. How do you know the word "nipple?"

****

At my son's third birthday party, his grandmother gave him a giant, eerily lifelike stuffed mountain lion. Justus liked to wrestle with it, prompting his grandmother to take this slightly weird picture of him posing shirtless with a mountain lion.

"It almost looks like he's posing," I said to Nicole, after seeing it. "Like he's in a magazine cover shoot."

"That'd be a really creepy magazine," Nicole replied.

Not the best day

2008-04-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Lando escaped from the Sarlaac Pit in Return of the Jedi but but met his fate when my three-year old flushed him today. Not sure what's worse - being digested slowly over a thousand years or having your watery grave be a toilet.

So I'm not whining, just commenting on the comically awful day I've had. A brief list of things that went wrong today.

1. Jaelle woke up at 6:12 a.m. I got up with her.
2. While playing basketball at the gym, I kind of tweaked my knee getting a board. It kind of hurts. I've never had a knee injury and I don't want to start now. They scare me.
3. Justus found one of my Star Wars action figures that I used to have when I was a kid. He then decided to flush Lando Calrissian down the toilet in the guest bathroom. So. I have to call a plumber.
4. Upset with my son (and unsure whether he knew he was doing something wrong) I put him in time out. Only I didn't want him to play with the toys in his room, so I put him in our room. While he was in there, he proceeded to use a ball point pen to draw all over the seat of our brand new La-Z-Boy recliner.
5. We discovered that Justus' shoes were too small, so we took him to the mall to Stride Rite to get a new pair of shoes. It cost $35 dollars for a pair of tiny shoes. What?
6. Because it was late in the day, and Justus was tired, he threw a tantrum in the mall because he didn't want to leave the play area.
7. On the way out of the mall, going up the escalator, while kicking and flailing, he kicked me square in the...sensitive man area.
8. Then he bit me on the shoulder. Hard. Like teeth marks hard.

So it's been a tough day filled with lots of discipline.

Pinched Fingers

2008-04-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

The staff went out for lunch today, and Nicole and the kids came along. As we were leaving the restaurant, my son, Justus was following some people outside, and I yelled after him, "Justus. Hold on, buddy."

He turned and put his hand on the door to wait for me, and the door closed on his little fingers. In a bust of speed normally reserved for NFL defensive backs, I shot to the door to open it, but not before the damage had been done.

He began crying, and not in that whiny "I want more chips" or "I wanted to watch more Elmo" kind of way. His fingers hurt.

If you've ever heard your kid cry in pain, then you know what I'm talking about.

But here's the weird thing. Instantly, I began to blame people. I blamed my friends who went out the door, which caused Justus to want to follow them. I blamed Nicole for asking me to throw away some trash while she got baby Jaelle, because those seconds prevented me from being closer to Justus. I blame Justus for not listening to me (even though he did. He stopped.) Looking at it, of course, I was being completely unreasonable.

I wonder why, when things go wrong, I get so angry? And I wonder why I blame.

Gotta work on that.

When Your Holy Text Isn't...

2008-04-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

The man above is a "sofer" or Jewish scribe. To become a sofer, a Jewish person must master the art of Hebrew calligraphy, document restoration, and the many rules and traditions governing the writing and restoring of a Torah. Because Jews believe the Torah to be the very words of Yahweh, this job is not taken lightly.

*steaming mad*

I read this article today in Christianity Today. It isn't helpful - at all.

If you didn't read it, let me paraphrase it for you. It basically says, "You know that story about Jesus catching the woman in adultery and then saving her life by saying, 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone'? You know that story? Yeah, well, it's not in early manuscripts of the New Testament, so we're pretty sure it's not real."

What?

The problem is, this is one of my favorite stories about Jesus. Caught between a rock and a hard place, Jesus is faced with a tough decision: if he doesn’t condemn the woman, then he’s saying that the moral law (from God) isn’t valid and adultery is okay. But if he does condemn her, then he’s a real jerk, because the last time I checked, it takes two to tango and the man from this situation is nowhere to be found. How can Jesus survive this test? His response is like something out of a movie.

Kill her. Go ahead. And whoever is without sin, go ahead and cast the first stone.

I love the details of the story. The text says, “At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.” The older ones left first – isn’t that always the way. The older folks – the ones who were seasoned enough with life to understand they’d been handed their theological lunch.

So with one sentence (one sentence!) Jesus protects the woman from self-righteous, judgmental Pharisees, and yet with the kind of all-encompassing love Jesus is famous for, tells her, “I saved your life. Now go and stop this lifestyle and live like you were meant to? Okay?”

Love, I have learned recently, is about two things: an unfailing, unflinching love and real and articulated boundaries. One affirms the person, the other protects their character. This story is a perfect, genius story that show Jesus embodying both values, simultaneously.

And yet, one scholar, Dallas Theological seminary professor Daniel Wallace said this:

"A person hearing these words should recognize that they have no authority as authentic words of Jesus," he said. Christians who are reading the story, he said, should give it the same authority as any other unsubstantiated early Christian teaching about Jesus.

And this follow-up article from J.I. Packer (J.I. Packer, for Pete’s Sake) isn’t helpful either.

He writes:

Text criticism serves inerrancy; they are friends. Inerrancy treasures the meaning of each writer's words, while text criticism checks that we have each writer's words pure and intact. Both these wisdoms are needed if we are to benefit fully from the written Word of God.

But this is confusing for average Joes like me. What happens if you have a deep, unflinching love for a person based on stories that now you’re being told simply are not true. Stories that made your heart open up. Stories that ring true to the very depths of your soul. What if you’re told, suddenly, by guys 2000 years later - oh , you know what, that story was a lie. It was made up. Never happened.

I’m sorry – what? What is this? It’s in the Bible, but it’s not inspired? What does inerrancy mean, then?

The article goes on to say:

Biblical scholars do agree on two things: The Bible story should be set apart with a note, and Christians should be cautious when reading the passage for their personal devotions.

Look, I’m not textual criticism student. I have to use an archaeological study Bible to make sense of the context. But since when does the fact that some manuscripts have the story, and some don’t mean that it’s not really part of the Bible? I mean, didn’t all the Gospels start off as oral stories? This one got written down later, but was included all the way up to the 9th century, and suddenly, it’s not really Jesus?

After the article, someone wrote this comment, saying: It strikes me sadly characteristic that some Christians are only finding textual criticism pertinent when it means no longer being obliged to obey the commandment "do not judge."

Maybe that’s what going on. I just don’t see how any scholar can say, with complete confidence “You know what – this book actually ISN’T the words of God – well, at least this part.”

What about the Westminster Catechism - and our confidence that God actually protected the content of this book, to ensure that it got into our hands? Is that made-up too?

As someone who takes the Bible seriously, this is really rather unsettling.

Where's a Camera Phone When You Need One?!

2008-04-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

So I'm driving on Highway 87 southbound and I see a strange sight: it was full-size, extended cab green Ford F-150 work truck, the kind with large, knobby mud tires and stainless steel tool cabinets installed in the back. It looked a little like one of these, only bigger:

Not out of the ordinary, except that written all over this truck (on the windows, on the tailgate, on the doors) were the words:

Just Married...to Jesus

There were other things written on the car, such as "Jesus is Lord" and in some places, just plain "Jesus." I sped up to see who was driving, and it was a large Latino guy with sunglasses on and a backwards sharks hat.

?

What is the story behind this? I am dying to know. I was talking to my friend Katie on the phone, and Justus was asleep, so I felt like I really didn't have any witnesses to this.

It was at this point that I wish I knew how to operate my phone's camera phone while driving and not put myself and other unsuspecting drivers in imminent danger.

*sigh*

Overheard in the Tieche Household

2008-04-17T09:42:00.000-07:00

Quote 1:
JUSTUS:
(looking at baby sister one morning)
Baby Jaelle - you're my best husband.

NICOLE:
That sentence is wrong on so many levels.

Quote 2:

(running with balloon)

(citing a famous line from a Pringles commercial)

(earnestly looking at me)

Quote 3:
JUSTUS:
I have a good joke.

ME:
Okay! Let me hear it.

JUSTUS:
You start. Say knock knock.

ME:
Knock knock.

JUSTUS:
Who's there?

ME:
Umm.

Quote 4:

(holding baby Jaelle and feeding her a bottle)

(wiggling fingers on his free hand underneath Jaelle)

(again, wiggling fingers on his free hand)

(confused)

We Now Have the Technology to Make Serpentor*

2008-04-15T10:18:00.000-07:00

Show above, Serpentor, the cloned arch-enemy of G.I. Joe. Long since thought only to be the stuff of cartoons from circa 1987, I received this disturbing news sent to me by my main man Jon Fortt.

Somewhere, Cobra Commander is laughing maniacally.

*Footnote for those over 35: Serpentor was the arch-enemy of G.I. Joe and was created through a breakthrough in cloning research by Dr. Mindbender from the DNA extracted from the unearthed remains of the most ruthless and effective military leaders in history, including: Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, Attila the Hun, Philip II of Macedon, Alexander the Great, Ivan the Terrible, Vlad the Impaler, Hannibal, Genghis Khan, and Rasputin.

Lessons from Indiana Jones and 1 Samuel

2008-04-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

The Ark of the Covenant, as shown in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark, which should win the award for Best Use of Nazi Face-Melting in Cinematic History (so far).

One of my favorite movies of all time is Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. It is, quite simply, a fantastic story. It was rated as the 66th best film of all time, according to American Film Institute. And is there a better lead character than Indiana Jones?

*random note*
My wife personally knows the guy who plays Indiana Jones at the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular^TM at DisneyWorld^.TM His name is Kevin.^TM

In case you haven't watched it recently, the premise of the first film is that Indy is attempting to thwart a bunch of Nazis from discovering the Ark of the Covenant.

Why do the Nazis want the Ark? Well, in the story, the Nazis assumed that any army carrying the Ark of the Covenant in front of it would automatically win any battle, which is dubious theology and even worse history.

First of all, the Ark was a curse to any army (except, of course, the Israelites). I was just reading 1 Samuel last night, and I remembered this passage, when the Philistines beat the Israelite army, thereby securing the Ark.

1 After the Philistines had captured the ark of God, they took it from Ebenezer to Ashdod. 2 Then they carried the ark into Dagon's temple and set it beside Dagon. 3 When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! They took Dagon and put him back in his place. 4 But the following morning when they rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained. 5 That is why to this day neither the priests of Dagon nor any others who enter Dagon's temple at Ashdod step on the threshold.

6 The LORD's hand was heavy upon the people of Ashdod and its vicinity; he brought devastation upon them and afflicted them with tumors. 7 When the men of Ashdod saw what was happening, they said, "The ark of the god of Israel must not stay here with us, because his hand is heavy upon us and upon Dagon our god."

This passages shows several things, of course.

And that's kind of the message you get in not only Indiana Jones (fictitious) but also in 1 Samuel (not fictitious). There's this real sense in reading the narrative in 1 Samuel that you really shouldn't mess with God, and if you are foolish enough to think that you make the rules, then good luck, and watch out for instantaneous death.

The problem, of course, is that that we *think* that we can mess with God and get away with it because the punishment is not instant and is not severe. God rarely throws down thunderbolts anymore. So we think, "Oh, there isn't a God." or "I am more powerful than God because I can break the rules and do what I want."

But whatever happened to this sentiment:

Remember this scene, toward the end of the movie? The Nazis are about to open the Ark, and Indy tells Marion to close her eyes, and not to look. The idea is that God is too powerful, too strong, too mystical, too holy for a mere mortal to be around.

This is the sense you get by reading 1 Samuel. That God is not to be trifled with. Like Dad. He'll spank your butt. Don't think you can throw blackberries at dad while he's roto-tilling the garden and then run away and hide in your tree house because he'll track your ass down and spank it 'til it hurts because you can't pull that stuff. Not on Dad.

In C. S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe the Beavers are describing the great lion, Aslan, to the children.
“Ooh!” said Susan, “I’d thought he was a man. Is he – quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”

“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”

“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King I tell you.”

Here's what I came away with reading 1 Samuel: we're just lucky that Love is Patient, and that God is love. We're just lucky we're all not getting tumors and getting bitten by rats. We're just lucky God is Love.

Because if God wasn't, our faces would be getting melted off.

Justus: Growing Up in an Inter-faith Home

2008-04-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

It must be difficult to have parents whose backgrounds and beliefs are so different.

My Old Friend Troy

2008-04-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

Shown here, an illustration done by my college pal Troy Cummings, who is not only the most gifted artists I've ever met, but one of the most ardent connoisseurs of all things gummi. You can check out his (artistic) work at www.trox5.com.

Question: Who is the coolest person you have ever met?

One of the coolest people I’ve ever met was a guy I met when I was a freshman in college. His name was Troy Cummings, and he was the graphics designer at our college newspaper where I worked as a lowly news reporter my first semester of school. He wasn’t cool like James Dean, with an aura of mystique. And he wasn’t cool like Brad Pitt is cool, with tailored leather jackets gripping his perfect torso. He was just...cool. Everybody loved to be around him. I never heard anyone on campus exhibit anything but glowing adoration when it came to Troy. He had higher approval ratings than Santa.

To this day, I still can’t figure out what it was about Troy that was so undeniably magnetic. I think part of it was that he had boundless enthusiasm. He was like Tigger on uppers. Rooms that were quiet when Troy entered soon had laughter echoing in them. It was like he came in and just started dumping paint on everything, radically changing the color and hues of whatever room he was in. Metaphorically, I mean. Because if someone did that literally, that'd be a big giant mess.

Another part of it was that Troy was unbelievably happy. Around Troy, even if you were having a miserable day, you felt like things were going to look up. With Troy, you felt like although he could have been friends with anyone, but the coolest part was that he was hanging out with you. It was like being in a room with a Rock Star, and finding out that he’s laughing at your jokes. Troy had, more than anyone I’d ever met in my life, an environment shifting personality.

I just found Troy on Facebook, and I was reminded why I liked him so much. For his favorite quote, Troy put:

You can now take the wipes you love for cleaning and disinfecting from your countertops to unexpected surfaces like your bathroom mirror.
- CLOROX™

Under religious views, he put: Table manners.

That's just funny.

NCAA April Madness: Why I Love Sports

2008-04-07T23:28:00.000-07:00

Mario Chalmers of Kansas hits this three-pointer with 2.1 ticks on the clock to send the NCAA Men's Championship into overtime. Insert joke about Toto here.
(Click here for a bigger pic of this screaming shot. Click here for video highlights of the end of this insane game.

What. A. Game.

Seriously. If you ever had doubts about the purity of the sport, you need look no further than March Madness. Look at this graph, showing the game's score, minute-by-minute.

That's ridiculous. Rah. Dict. U-lous. I happened to watch Sunday's Suns/Mavericks game - a game which had real playoff implications for both teams, and the level of intensity in play was the difference between throwing a bullet and shooting it.

Couple of interesting story lines here for me:

What Goes Around Comes Around - And not just for Justin Timberlake:
Five years ago, Kansas lost the national title to Syracuse (led by super-frosh Carmelo Anthony) because of dismal foul-shooting. Now, half a decade later, they win a championship for precisely the same reason. What is that? Basketball karma?

Bad Habits Will Catch Up To You:
For weeks leading up to this tournament, sports writers and basketball purists pointed out that no team has ever won the NCAA Tourney shooting as poorly from the free-throw line as Memphis does. Stats don't lie: Memphis was shooting 59.2% - which is simply abysmal. After watching the Tigers' second-round game against Mississippi State on Easter Sunday (in which Memphis shot an astounding 46%, letting a vastly inferior MSU team get WAY too close for comfort) I thought to myself, "If they get in a close game, they are going to lose." Calipari disagreed, telling reporters:
The free throws we need to make, we’ll make,” Calipari said. “I’ve got absolutely no issues. There are three, four other issues I worry about. It’s not free-throw shooting.”

Famous last words, eh? Fundamentals, people. Fundamentals.

The Game Isn't Over Until It's Over:
Down nine with a little more than 2 minutes left, I thought Kansas was done. But then Memphis got sloppy. First Tiger Big Man Joey Dorsey commits his fifth foul 30-feet away from the basket, pushing the Tigers over the foul-limit and sending Sherron Collins to the line - he hit them both and no time elapsed off the clock. Then Memphis has a bad inbounds pass, which was stolen and Kansas passed the ball out to Sherron Collins who calmly drilled a trey. At that point, I told Nicole, "This is a game again." I was right. Five points in nine seconds. Of course, Kansas almost gave the game over by not rebounding off a missed free throw with 18 seconds lefts in the game, and Chalmer's shot was clearly guided by the hand of God Himself - but still, you play hard until the end and you never know what might happen.

Children's Bible

2008-03-04T11:07:00.000-08:00

This is cool: it's a children's Bible, but it's one of the most artistic and poetic I've ever seen. You can see a sample of it by clicking here.

I promptly ordered it via Amazon.com and am looking forward to reading it to Justus. And Jaelle, eventually, but she'd pretty much try to eat the pages right now.

Funny Clips

2008-03-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

Maybe you've seen these before, maybe you haven't. They're funny.

Charlie Bit Me.

Hilarious Baby Facial Expressions:

China Under Pressure

2008-02-21T07:52:00.000-08:00

A picture from our trip to Ethiopia. Shown here, Jerry, a licensed electrician from our group is astounded at the exposed and very unsafe mess of wires coming from the high voltage power lines into the local high school in Zwai. When asked why they don't secure the wires safely, the administrator said, "It would cost too much money." The fact of the matter is, in most places in the world, money is worth more than human life (perhaps because it's more rare). And that is tragic.

I've been thinking lately about China.

From the news I've been reading, it seems that China is going to be pressured to make some wholesale reforms this year, mainly because of the international scrutiny of the world because it is hosting the 2008 Olympic Games. It's been a tough year for China, in terms of its public image. I've made a partial list:

April - Tainted pet food containing the toxic chemical melamine is believed to have caused kidney failure in dogs and cats across North America, with at least 14 pets dying because of the chemical.

June 1 - The FDA warned consumers to avoid using toothpaste made in China because it may contain a poisonous chemical used in antifreeze.

Aug. 19 - Mattel recalled 9 million toys manufactured in China after the toys were discovered to contain unsafe levels of lead and other chemicals.

Aug. 29 - China publicly executed its former head of the Food and Drug safety for accepting bribes.

Feb. 19 - The US Olympic Committee, wary of food quality in China following recent incidents of tainted products and reports of the heavy use of drugs and insecticides in food production, announces its plans to transport tons of meats and other foods for US athletes in its own US training camp in Beijing.

Feb. 19 - Steven Spielberg resigns as artistic adviser to the Olympic Games. China supplies guns and weapons to military leaders in the Sudan in exchange for exclusive oil drilling rights. China, which needs millions of gallons of oil to operate its nation, has entered into an "unholy" partnership with a pariah Sudanese government accused of fostering genocide in its western Darfur region.

So that's a bad year.

And it is clear that in response, China is making some changes, but they seem to be changes based upon fear of public opinion to appease the global marketplace, not because they believe it's the right thing to do. Perhaps that's okay. Martin Luther King once said something to the effect of "My goal is to help rid the white Southern racist of the hatred in his heart, but in the meantime, I want to be sure there are laws so he can't lynch me."

I see his point. Right now, China is trying to clean things up to improve its global standing and avoid shame - which are fine motivators, but it's not the end goal. The goal is for China to be a society that respect human life enough to throw money at it. After all, a culture throws money at things it values (case in point: In 1997, former presidential candidate John Edwards made history by winning a 25-million dollar lawsuit against Sta-Rite, a North Carolina company that knowingly manufactured and distributed a defective pool drain cover that severely hurt a three-year old girl. And even if you hate how litigious our society is, you have to admit that when a company knowingly does something dangerous and it results in a child being hurt, then the company should be punished. Cynics might disagree, but it seems that monetary award is a reflection of our value on human life).

Some would say that the ethos of China is one that does not value human life. For example:

Decades of brutal treatment under communist leaders tends to erode a public sense of the importance (or even possibility) of justice and equality.

Years of collectivization diminishes the bright shine of the individual and drive to empower the unique and creative gifts of the individual.

A frenzied race for global competition in the marketplace causes morality to take a second-place to money (if you have any doubt about this, think about the Chinese Black Market for software).

Years of government imposed sanctions on child-bearing has created a consistently anti-female, pro-infanticide and pro-gender-specific abortion culture that has left China with a male/female ratio that is bizarrely out of whack with natural patterns.

Which is why it's good news that China's underground house-church network of evangelicals is spreading like wild-fire. Though the Communist Party all but destroyed the Protestant and Catholic churches when it took over in 1949, scholars estimate that the country now has at least 45 million Christians.

Which means that Revival (even more than Olympics) could be the the force that changes China from the inside out.

Barack Obama - Yes We Can

2008-02-04T10:57:00.002-08:00

I have never seen anything like this. You can read more about the poetical impetus for this moving video by reading will.i.am's blog here.

Rap Lyrics Explained Via Charts and Graphs

2008-02-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

Warning to Readers: If you are easily offended by rap music, or are not familiar with the genre, then please do not click on the following link. But if you are, please click here for laughs.

Tieche February Newsletter

2008-02-01T09:30:00.000-08:00

Editor's Note: Every month, Nicole's grandparents (who are in their 80s) send out a monthly update about their lives. The email string has turned into a family sharing session, of sorts. I thought I'd post my latest monthly update, along with a few pics.

Well, I'm busy getting ready for the spectacle that is Super Bowl Sunday – a national holiday of sorts where we, as Americans put aside all our differences, come together and celebrate the meaningless distraction that is professional sports, feed our already-great addiction to entertainment, and actually celebrate and encourage the vices of gluttony and intoxication!

But it’s fun! BTW - for a fun flashback, you can see the Top 10 Most Famous Commercials here.

January Update:
The Tieche Clan spent the first part of the month in sunny, tropical Michigan, where the only thing lower than the temperatures is the public’s trust in Detroit’s mayor. But it was fun hanging out with Nicole’s family.

One of the best parts was that out closest friends, the Zimans, drove in from Chicago (where Jonathan is going to seminary) with their little girls to spend four days with us. This meant that we had a house with five children under the age of five. The kids played well together, and it was really cool making snow men with them, playing hide-and-seek, wrestling and building forts and the like.

Justus:
Justus tried to impress the ladies by crooning into his play microphone, which was a Christmas gift from Bumpa (his grandpa, otherwise known as Bob/Brad/Dad). The girls were unimpressed, so Justus just turned up the volume. They remained unimpressed.

I have to work with him on courting techniques. I’ve tried telling him that the ladies love guys that are funny, but the only joke he knows is “chicken banana.” He says the words “chicken banana” and then laughs hysterically. He understands that they don’t go together at all – and that his verbal word play is an exercise in absurdity. It’s very developed and nuanced humor, if you think about it. The problem is, it’s not really that funny. So.

Jaelle:
Jaelle is growing, though not as fast as her brother. Justus was in the high 90s in height percentiles for his age – still is. But Jaelle is in the 19th percentile, which means she is “petite.” I was hoping she’d be about 6’1” with a killer jump serve and a great net game, but apparently that dream is now dead. That’s okay. I suppose it’s better for the girl in the family to be short and petite and for the boy to be big and tall. It’s better socially. I definitely wouldn’t want Justus to be petite. He’d have to overcompensate and would turn out like Prince, or perhaps Tom Cruise. And then he’d have to either wear lace shirts or give millions to Scientology. And that’s not the kind of life you want for your boy.

Jaelle is learning to eat solid foods, and by solid foods I mean “really mushy foods that aren’t really solid at all, so I don’t know why doctors refer to them by such a scientifically inaccurate label.” She is doing better, though her mastication is messy. And after a solid month of not sleeping through the night, we moved her to her own crib in another room, and now she’s sleeping through the night. Which is good for everyone, and GREAT for Nicole.

NICOLE:
Speaking of Nicole – she is doing quite excellently at her job. She did so well, in fact, that the president of PartyLite USA, the President of this multi-national company, flew into Sacramento to meet with some leaders and requested to meet Nicole and have her talk about what she’s doing to be so successful. Nicole was then asked to train a whole region of leaders about some aspects of the business. Keep in mind, this is a company with 40,000 employees, and the President singles out Nicole. Pretty rad.

This month, Nicole and I are going on three dates (!) which makes me more than ecstatic.

So that’s life with the Tieches.

Picture Time!

Shown here, my daughter attempting to choke down some rice cereal. Most of it ended up on her bib.

Justus attempting to take a bath in his baby sister's ducky bath tub.

Shown here, Michaela is checking the status of Justus' intestines with a pen light.

My son, the Fonz. Notice underneath his shirt, my son is wearing his green Diego pajamas, which he refused to take off when dressing that morning.

Left to Right (ironically, from youngest to oldest) - Jaelle, Brielle, Justus, Michaela, Eliana. I don't think you can handle this much cuteness.

Frosty, the anorexic snowman.

Trivial Pursuit Answers

2008-01-15T10:13:00.000-08:00

Here are the answers. See if you got the piece of the pie!

CARD 1:

BLUE - What Asian city became home to the world's tallest building when the 1,483-foot Petronas Towers were completed in 1998?

Answer = Kuala Lampur

PINK - What love interest did Laura Dern meet on the set of Ellen's "coming out" special.

Answer = Billy Bob Thornton

YELLOW - What country saw three of its banks pay over $1 Billion to compensate Holocaust survivors for mishandling their wartime deposits, in 1998?

Answer = Switzerland

BROWN - Which character apparently survived drowning in Les Miserables to appear in the 2001 sequel?

Answer = Inspector Javert

GREEN - What celebrated gorilla groks an estimated 1,000 sign language signs?

Answer = Koko

ORANGE - Who was the only college hoops coach to be named Sportsman of the Year by The Sporting News in the 1990s?

Answer = Mike Krzyzewski

OSU: Third Time in Six Years

2008-01-05T21:11:00.001-08:00

In two days, my beloved Buckeyes are going to play for the national title for the second year in a row. I'm writing this post from behind enemy lines here in Michigan. But I think I'm reasonably safe. As every Big Ten fan knows, regardless of your school of choice, you root for the Big Ten during bowl season. Who cares if Purdue is playing Central Michigan in the Motor City Bowl - you root for the Boilermakers to beat those...Central Michigan-ites.

So now that Michigan won its bowl by upsetting Florida and Heisman-winner Tim Tebow, I could be safe.

At any rate, here is my bold prediction.

OSU: 13
LSU: 143

So there you have it - OSU will lose by more than a hundred point. I figure if I have low expectations, I won't be as disappointed, like I was last season. Just set the bar low, people.

But in all seriousness,, I've watched both teams play multiple time this season, and LSU is a monster. Ohio State is so over-matched that it's almost comical. LSU has a roster teeming with NFL *impact* players. They are athletically superior in both size and speed. All OSU has is a plucky strong running back, an adequate but efficient quarterback and a defense that bends, but usually doesn't break, led by a future first round draft pick cornerback.

This will not be a good or a close game.

Then again, I typed the exact same words in 2002...Krenzel=Boeckman. Clarett=Wells. Gamble=Jenkins. Tressel=Tressel. No, no, I will NOT get my hopes up.

Shown above, OSU tailback Chris "Beanie" Wells. Tieche boldly predicts that both of Wells' legs will fall off midway through the first quarter of Monday night's national title game.

Who Says This is Trivial?

2008-01-05T19:17:00.000-08:00

So when Jaelle is crying, and Justus is playing and Nicole is upstairs doing something and I have to bounce Jaelle until she falls asleep, sometimes I get bored. So I was down in the basement of my mother-in-law's house yesterday and saw that she had purchased the new version of Trivial Pursuit.

Now, I know this might seem odd, but I am a fanatic when it comes to that game. When I was younger, my parents gave me the game and I spent hours attempting to memorize the answers so that when people came over to play, I would totally impress them with my intellectual prowess. I got out maps and atlases to see which rivers ran through which countries, memorized presidents and their vice presidents, and in general, devoted far too much time to the game.

What can I say? My parents refused to buy me a Nintendo. Some kids beat Super Mario World, I know what nation contains K2, the second highest mountain peak in the world. (answer)

So I was testing myself. Honestly, I wasn't doing too well. My average after about 300 cards was right at .500. The literature questions were killing me (which is surprising since I'm an English teacher). But the questions aren't about good books, they're about comic books, like The Tick. How is that literature? Batman, I can understand. But "The Tick?"

Anyway, eventually it got to the point where I just wanted to get all six questions right on one card. A couple of times I got five. It was as though the game itself was mocking me. But then, at long last, I got all six. I celebrated with a swig of orange Gatorade. Then I pulled out another card. You're not going to believe this, but I got back-to-back perfect sixes.

I know!

Here were the question. BTW - I am under no illusion that it was simply dumb luck that bits of knowledge I've accumulated just happened to be found assembled in these 12 questions. But here they are:

CARD 1:

BLUE - What Asian city became home to the world's tallest building when the 1,483-foot Petronas Towers were completed in 1998? - hint, think "Entrapment."

PINK - What love interest did Laura Dern meet on the set of Ellen's "coming out" special.

YELLOW - What country saw three of its banks pay over $1 Billion to compensate Holocaust survivors for mishandling their wartime deposits, in 1998?

BROWN - Which character apparently survived drowning in Les Miserables to appear in the 2001 sequel?

GREEN - What celebrated gorilla groks an estimated 1,000 sign language signs?

ORANGE - Who was the only college hoops coach to be named Sportsman of the Year by The Sporting News in the 1990s?

See how you do. Tomorrow, I'll reveal the answers and the questions for Card 2.

Tribute to Benazir Bhutto: The Most Famous Person I've Ever Met

2008-01-05T04:42:00.001-08:00

A couple of years ago, my best friend Jon bought this little book with a bright pink cover. I don't remember the exact name of the book, but it was a basiscally a book of conversation starters. On the Fourth of July in 2001, we drove over the highway 17 with some friends to go to Santa Cruz and he read the questions as we drove over the mountains, just to generate interesting discussion.

One of the questions was, "Who is the most famous person you've ever met."

The question reminded me of a time during my senior year of college when I was studying in Manhattan. I excitedly burst into my friend, Angie's room.

"Guess who I just saw standing in front of me at an ATM in SoHo," I said.

"Madonna?" she said, sitting up and putting her book down.

"No. Janeane Garafalo," I said, deflated.

"Oh," she said. "Well, that's good. Good for you."

It was one of the few times where life's reciprocal conversations were as witty and sharp as movie dialogue.

At any rate, even if you don't count that encounter, I have a good list of famous people I have met (on the drive, we defined "met" as someone who you locked eyes with, said something to and got their personal attention for at least 5 seconds. So - for example - briefly touching Nick Carter's left calf as he and the other Backstreet Boys appeared for their encore on a small raised mini-stage right in the middle of your section at Arco Arena doesn't count as "meeting." Hypothetically.)

But like I said, I'd had some good success while at college. You see, my freshman year, this very rich alumni named Timothy Ubben and his wife Sharon had donated a large sum of money to DePauw University. The money was put into an endowment and every year was used to bring top-notch, fascinating people to speak to the campus. The lecture series has brought Shimon Peres, Spike Lee, Peyton Manning and Mikhail Gorbechev to my tiny alma mater in the middle of Indiana cornfields. During that lecture series, I had the rare chance to have a front row seat to some major players in world history. Including:

Jim Lovell
I met Jim Lovell, the captain of Apollo 13 and subject of the movie by the same name which chronicled the tense and dramatic story of the Apollo 13 vessel which suffered an explosion en route to the Moon but was brought back safely to Earth by the efforts of the crew and mission control. I actually got to sit at a 12-top table and have lunch with the guy. It's funny what movies will do - I think I would have rather met Tom Hanks. But then again, I'm a really, really big Tom Hanks fan.

H. Ross Perot
I met Ross Perot, whose entry into the presidential race in 1992 as an independent was not only important, but important as Perot received 19 percent of the popular vote, despite the fact that he looks like he should have been one of the Seven Dwarves.

Dan Quayle
I also met former Vice President Dan Quayle, who in addition to being an alumni of DPU, also blazed the trail for our current president in terms of having the free world question his general intelligence due to the sheer number of his off-the-cuff public speaking gaffes. During his Ubben lecture, Quayle said, and I quote, "There are some that believe that morals should not be teached in our schools." And there are some that believe that grammar should not be teached in our schools, Mr. Vice President, sir.

Bob Woodward
I met Bob Woodward, one half of the Woodward and Bernstein tandem whose investigative journalism uncovered the Watergate scandal that led to Richard Nixon's resignation, which pretty much destroyed a lot of people's belief in the position of president. He was a pretty ornery guy. I guess you have to be to take on, you know, the Executive Branch of the US government.

Colin Powell
I met Colin Powell, the former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and - unbeknownest to us - a future Secretary of State - whose work with Jimmy Carter in Haiti in 1995 had just helped pave the way for free elections in Haiti. Funny story - after a brief Q&A with about 50 DPU students and professors before his speech (of which I was one), Powell opened up the room for autographs and handshakes. As people milled forward haphazardly, Powell didn't like what he saw. "Okay, everyone against that wall," he barked. "File forward, proceed across the stage and exit on that side." We all scattered like cockroaches. This man was a military man. Personally, I think he'd be a great president.

Those meetings all might clamor for the most famous person I've ever met, but I think the most important person I've ever met is Benazir Bhutto.

Benazir Bhutto
Bhutto came to DePauw in the Fall of 1996, my junior year as part of the Ubben Lecture series. As part of my major, I was taking a class in international politics with my professor Sunil Sahu, who was from India. Once word got out that Bhutto was going to be on our campus, Sahu got permission to do a small Q&A with Bhutto and took our class. I happened to be enrolled in the right class at the right time.

Bhutto was exceptional for a number of reasons. First of all, she was a female prime minister in a very traditional, very Muslim nation. She was elected in 1988, when she was 35. She not only was the first woman to become the head of a Muslim-majority state in modern times but she was also the youngest person period.

Second of all, you could tell this woman had a firm grasp on the complexity of the world. Educated at Oxford, and Harvard, she was the first Asian woman to be the head of the prestigious Oxford Union Debating Club. You got the sense with this woman that you were encountering a mind to be reckoned with.

Lastly, she seemed to bring every question around to the topic of the people of Pakistan. This was her passion - the people of the subcontinent. She spoke about the place of women in her society, voicing her concerns especially about women's health issues, and speaking about the importance of banks for women to enable economic opportunity and entrepreneurship. You got the sense that she was fighting for women, but that she had to be careful and measure her words.

I remember in particular someone asked her about the AIDS crisis in her country, and she sat back, removed her glasses and sighed. "I am afraid. We do not have the ability, culturally, to speak about sexuality in public places. And if that does not change, I am afraid AIDS will spread like fire in dry grass through my country."

A year after she left our campus, rumors began swirling that her husband had received kickbacks from government contracts, which garnered him the nickname "Mr. 10 Percent." There was an investigation, and I followed (albeit distantly) in watching her step down, be forced into exile in Dubai, and leave politics on her home country entrenched in scandal.

She returned this year, after the corruption charges that dogged her were finally dropped. She mounted a campaign that attracted attention. She took on the religious right, the Muslim Extremists, who wanted a Muslim state. She was anti-Taliban and anti-Al queda. She was anti-terrorism, pro-democracy, pro-populist, progressive. And it's quite astounding - this woman who travelled across the world in private jets also captured the undying support of the poorest people in remote villages. The US liked her a great deal, as you can imagine.

So did her people. Well, some of them. Others viewed her as an infidel dog. Earlier, in 1988, when she ran for office with the same progressive-minded goals and values, some religious leaders ran ads in newspapers saying that Allah would not let you into heaven if you voted for this woman. She had her enemies - mostly religious extremists.

And eventually, they silenced her voice. On Dec. 27, after leaving a political rally, Bhutto climbed out of the sunroof of our transport to meet some supporters. A suicide bomber rode up, fired a pistol at Bhutto and then blew himself up near her car. Bhutto died of injuries to the neck and head.

Final Thoughts
I imagine that the web is filled with accounts of people who actually knew Benazir Bhutto and who penned columns about "The Benazir I Knew." I can't do that, but when I heard about her assassination, I realized that the world had just gotten a little darker. Evil had won. Intolerance had won. And the religion that propped up both as "core values" had won. I imagine many people in Pakistan feel the way many in the US did the day Bobby Kennedy was killed. One is left with a sense of "What now?"

Jesus talked about this with his disciples. In John 16, Jesus says:

"All this I have told you so that you will not go astray. They will put you out of the synagogue; in fact, a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering a service to God. They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me. I have told you this, so that when the time comes you will remember that I warned you.

It's nice to know that Jesus tacitly rejects such kinds of religious expressions of hatred and anger. It's also nice to know that in America, at least so far, extremists on the left and right might have fiery rhetoric, but at least it's not coupled with actual firebombs.

At least, not yet. Hopefully, the world can learn from this. But judging from our past, it's unlikely we will.

Christmas

2007-12-12T10:39:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends and Family! Here are some easy-to-use links to keep you plugged in to the goings-on of the Tieche Family.

Click here to download the Tieche Christmas Letter

Click here to read The Story of the Birth of Jaelle.

Click here to read the explanation of Jaelle's name.

Click below to see adorable pictures of my kids:

My Montage 10/2/07

Click below to see adorable pictures from the birth of Jaelle
Large 100MB
Smaller 32MB

Tieche Update for Oct. and Nov.

2007-11-14T09:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the length of this post. It's been a while since I updated everyone on life in the Tiecheworld, so I figured I'd double up.

OCTOBER

Shown here, Justus and his baby sister (who is looking rather concerned). I think she is concerned because she fears her brother may be developing juvenile diabetes from all the SweetTarts.

Well, Halloween has come and gone, but the lingering effects of giving my toddler roughly nine pounds of sugar in two hours is still lingering. Giving Justus, who already is a pretty active boy, sugar and caffeine is the equivalent of giving a squirrel speed.

This year, baby Jaelle went as a pumpkin, and had an adorable outfit given to her by her grandparents. She was the cutest pumpkin the Bay Area has ever seen since Halloween 2005, when Justus was a pumpkin.

Speaking of, this year, Justus decided to go as his favorite character Elmo. Unfortunately, his costume was designed in such a way that the hole for Justus’ head was in Elmo’s mouth, so it appeared as though my son had been eaten by a giant muppet. Either that, or Justus had slain Elmo and was wearing the pelt as a ceremonial rite of manhood or something. But he was cute.

Puerto Vallarta - I'll be back

Shown here, the governor of California and the man who not only signed my teaching credential, but saved the world from a bloodthirsty, homicidal alien.

This past month, in October, we decided to take a family vacation. If you’ll recall, earlier this year, Nicole earned a free trip to Los Cabos, Mexico through PartyLite. During that trip, our plane from Alaskan Airlines had to make an emergency landing because the auxiliary power unit went out so because we were stuck in a tiny Mexican airport with a pregnant wife for six hours, Alaskan gave us some free tickets for almost killing us. So, I figured, “The last time we flew on this airline we almost died. Why not fly with them again!”

So we used the tickets to go back down to Mexico to Puerto Vallarta, where we traded to get a timeshare. So the trip, though it sounds exotic and expensive, was quite inexpensive. We flew with two kids and three seats for the four hour flight, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. Puerto Vallarta is quite tropical and stunning. It reminded me of Hawaii a lot in terms of landscape and vegetation. We took a tour of the site where they filmed the movie "Predator" which is one of the best movies of all time ever, if you are a guy. Who knew that iconic movie would eventually produce two governors of major US states? Arnold and Jesse the Body. How many other movies can say that? Let's hope not many others. The last thing I want is New York and Pennsylania's legislature led by Mary Kate and Ashley Olson.

Anyway, I didn’t know what to expect since this was our first family vacation. Normally, on vacations, I like to read and sleep, but with two kids, I figured that was out of the question. So I set my sights pretty low. I said, “as long as we come home with both kids still alive, then the vacation will be a success.”

So the vacation was a rousing success.

But in all seriousness, it was actually, really fun. We took Justus in the ocean, which he didn’t like because he said it tasted “icky.” He loved the pool, though, and played for hours in the kid’s pool, throwing the ball to me, riding on my back around the pool, or just, in general, playing splashy splashy.

Mexican Zoo

Shown here, my son and I, mere feet away from a real, live crocodile. The mesh on the cage was such that Justus could easily slide his whole arm into the cage. That's safety first, people!

We also went to a Mexican Zoo, which was interesting because the security and safety standards in other countries are not quite what they are here. In the US, zoo animals are not only behind 19 inches of shatter-proof, bullet-proof glass, but there is often a metal railing and for the larger animals, a large fortified moat. Zoos in the US look as though we’re trying to protect the animals from a Viking siege. But in Mexico, not so much. For example, I could easily stick my entire hand into the crocodile cage. The bars on the ostrich cage allowed the giant 6-foot birds to stick their heads and necks several feet outside their cages, which was unnerving. And the monkey cage might as well have been called “come closer and get bit and get a strange African monkey disease” cage. But Justus loved watching the animals. They had a panther which roared while we were there, some funny flamingos that stood on one leg, a crocodile who opened and shut its eyes, some ostriches that were taller than Daddy, monkeys who climbed up and up and up, and the best part – tigers and some baby tigers. Justus really liked that part.

So it was quite a blast, being on our first ever Tieche Family Vacation. We will probably do it again. Hopefully, our flight home this Christmas will almost crash and we can score some more free tickets.

In other news, Nicole is kicking butt with her business. I take Justus to a friend’s house every Tuesday morning, so that she has a solid half-day to just work on her business. Justus is also, thankfully, taking long three-hour naps every afternoon, so she can work then, as well. To give you a barometer on how awesome she is doing, while we were on vacation, the passive income from her team of salespeople basically paid for all our vacation expenses. Keep in mind this was while she wasn’t working. She rocks.

My son loves this guy. And who can blame him? He rocks, and his lyrics make no sense so they're not corrupting anyone, unlike Chamillionaire.

Justus is in the other room right now with his purple play guitar, jumping up and down and singing, at the top of his voice, “Don’t drink the water! There’s blood in the water!” It’s a Dave Matthews Band song. I am not sure what the song is talking about, mainly because even though I majored in English at a good college, I can’t understand what ANY Dave Matthews song is about.

Justus watches concert DVDs pretty regularly. Most kids like Thomas the Train, but Justus wants to watch musicians. He is quite the showman. What’s cool is that as a pastor, anytime I go to work I am surrounded by really, really excellent musicians who love music and love my son, so he is constantly getting attention and encouragement from my friends in the various church bands. One of our drummers Brendan, who is from South Africa, came over for lunch one day and brought Pho, a traditional Vietnamese noodle soup. He turned the soup bowls upside down and gave Justus chopsticks to use as drum sticks. He said Justus had really good rhythm. And he also liked eating Pho with my African drummer friend. I love California.

So that’s life here in San Jose.

Bring Back Zeus. Also Batman.

2007-10-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

Shown here: The Sultan of Speed. The Scarlet Speedster. Flash. He not only has super-human speed, but a nifty spandex outfit. Somebody should build a temple!

This is an interesting article from the LA Times by Mary Lefkowitz, who is a professor emerita at Wellesley College (where my friend Kari Ziman went, where presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton went, and where the movie "Mona Lisa Smile" is based).

At any rate, in the article, which you can read in full here, Lefkowitz argues that religion isn't bad, monotheism is because it leads to exclusivity.

Prominent secular and atheist commentators have argued lately that religion "poisons" human life and causes endless violence and suffering. But the poison isn't religion; it's monotheism. The polytheistic Greeks didn't advocate killing those who worshiped different gods, and they did not pretend that their religion provided the right answers. Their religion made the ancient Greeks aware of their ignorance and weakness, letting them recognize multiple points of view.

I say right on, Mary Lefkowitz: let's bring back Apollo, Poseidon and company. Nevermind that they were, you know, fictitious. Might as well bring back the Justice League and worship them. I mean, they’re not real but at least they wear cool uniforms. Like Flash. Flash is so cool. Red with a yellow lightning bolt. That’s awesome.

Who's with me? Let’s start the First Apostolic Church of the SuperFriends.

The only question is this: According to Paul, is Wonder Woman able to be an Elder, or just a Deacon? Our founding verse: 1 Corinthians 12: The spirit does divide the gifts equally, as God sees fit, except to Aquaman, who kind of got screwed.

President Bush on Global Warming

2007-10-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

My step mother-in-law sent this link to me. It's from a friend of hers whose 17-year old son recorded himself impersonating President Bush talking about Global Warming.

Funny, funny stuff. Hope the download works for you.

Click here

Holy Crap: Did I Just Read That Right?

2007-10-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

Dr. James Watson, shown above, won the Nobel Prize for Science in 1962 after co-discovering the double helix structure of DNA with Maurice Wilkins and Francis Crick.

Dr. James Watson, an eminent biologist in Britian, provoked a storm of controversy after his comments about race and evolution were published in London papers.

Watson told the British newspaper he was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours -- whereas all the testing says not really."

What? Did I just read that right? Yes, yes I did. A prominent, respected scientist just used science to justify not helping Africa because black people just aren't as smart. The article goes on to say:

In the newspaper interview, he said there was no reason to think that races which had grown up in separate geographical locations should have evolved identically. He went on to say that although he hoped everyone was equal, "people who have to deal with black employees find this not true".

So much for the idea of "scientific progress" with this guy. Sheesh.

Transformers already out on DVD?

2007-10-18T09:14:00.001-07:00

Optimus Prime rocks.

Not that I am complaining, mind you, but I was walking into the grocery store this morning and I saw that this summer's biggest blockbusters are already out on DVD. Doesn't this seem a bit fast on the turn-around time? I seem to remember it taking about 7-10 months for a movie to go from theater to DVD. Transformers came on in July. That's three and a half months ago.

Again, not that I'm complaining. Having kids means not going to the movies. Ever. So the shorter that turn-around time gets, the better for me. But still.

Wow.

Bay Area = Expensive

2007-10-18T08:45:00.001-07:00

This is a Google Earth Map of where I live. The 26-year old 1,100 sq. foot house across the street just sold for $622,000.

A new study on the cost of living in the Bay Area and the rest of California says that a family of four in Santa Clara County and the other nine greater Bay Area counties now needs an annual income of $77,069 - nearly quadruple the federal poverty threshold of $20,444 for a family that size - to afford housing and other basic needs.

So the first question is: what is the study using as the definition of "basic needs." In this study, it's five things

Housing and utilities
Food
Child care
Health care
Transportation
Miscellaneous (toilet paper, cleaning supplies, etc)

According to the California Budget Project report, "Making Ends Meet: How Much Does it Cost to Raise a Family in California?" about 40 percent of the families in Santa Clara County earned $75,000 or less in 2006, while 31 percent earned $60,000 or less, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

The study assumes the following parameters as well. This dollar amount does not include:

Saving money for retirement
Cable or internet access costs
Savings for college

Wow.

Calvin and Hobbes

2007-10-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

Click here to see a classic C&H, my favorite comic strip of all time.

Virtue and Vice

2007-10-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

This is a police sketch of a man San Jose police are looking for in yesterday's kidnapping and sexual assault of a 12-year-old girl who was walking home from school

I'm not trying to be an alarmist here, but this news story (from my hometown) is just nuts. This is the story.

They were walking home when a man in a large white car motioned for the young sisters to cross the street in a quiet San Jose neighborhood just off Almaden Expressway.

The 9-year-old crossed first. Her 12-year-old sister went next. Suddenly, police said, the driver gunned the engine and drove into the older girl, catapulting her onto the hood before she tumbled into the street.

Her younger sister helped her to the curb as the car sped away. But the terrifying ordeal wasn't over. The big white car turned around and came back, the girls told police. The driver forced the older girl into his car, drove off and then later tried to sexually assault her in what police describe as the city's most brazen kidnapping in recent memory.

Tuesday, the severely injured 12-year-old victim remained in the hospital and San Jose police released more chilling details as they urgently asked for the public's help to find the attacker they say is ruthless enough to run down and abduct a child in broad daylight in front of witnesses.

So that's just unnerving. But it's not the only story.

There's this one from CNN about a guy who kidnapped a young boy.
And then there's this story about a sex-trade ring that was broken up in the Bay Area this past July.
And there's a new movie out called "Trade"- a movie about trade in human beings; in this case, a 13-year-old Mexican girl who is kidnapped and brought to New Jersey, where her virginity will be auctioned on the Internet for an expected $50,000. Chillingly, the movie is based on fact, on an article by Peter Landesman in the New York Times Magazine. And it's not an isolated case.

Now, this is not a story about sex, I don't think. I think it goes deeper than that.

Here is something of which I am convinced:
Virtues strengthen with practice.

felt

Here is something else of which I am convinced:
Vice operates just like virtue.

Practice vice, and you will find the easier it will become to give in to that same vice later. This is why one beer leads to two, which leads to five, which leads to hard liquor.
Which leads me to my central point. The internet has made it exceptionally easy for men (and women, I suppose) to give in to the vice of lust. It used to be that for a man to indulge his darker sexual urges, he had to go downtown to some seedy bookstore. That in itself prevented most men, if by nothing more than the fear of "What if someone sees me."

Now, pornography streams onto your computer in your home anonymously FOR FREE.

Secondly, the very nature of pornography has changed in my lifetime. When I was a boy, my classmates might sneak a picture from a magazine they found in their father's closet. There is a profound difference between a picture of a naked woman and video of two people engaged in explicit sexual acts. It's the difference between throwing a bullet and shooting it.

And here is my point: if a person engages in pornography, it will become increasingly easier and easier for them to act on all their sexual urges. And those urges will grow because it is simply not possible for people to satisfy their sexual appetites with anonymous, impersonal sex. We were not made that way, for that reason.

In the words of C.S. Lewis:

People often think of Christian morality as a kind of bargain in which God says, 'If you keep a lot of rules I'll reward you, and if you don't I'll do the other thing.' I do not think that is the best way of looking at it. I would much rather say that every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other.

So as long as we have a society that encourages people to run, head-first into vice, we will have a society of people who increasingly learn to act on that vice. And without restraint, vice will overtake you.

Disney Dysfunction...

2007-10-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

This rogue teen lost his parents and then became involved heavily in gangs.

I am speaking today at a high school convocation in front of 2,000 high school students, which is unnerving because high school students are probably the most difficult audience a speaker can present to, and it's in the school's gym, which means bleachers on three sides, which is like speaking to 360 degrees of people.

But for my talk I'm going to be discussing the "wounds of a parent" that many of the kids probably feel. To make the subject a bit funny, I came across this list of Disney characters whose relationships with their parents was anything less than perfect.

Aladdin – orphaned and homeless; forced to commit petty crimes for food and shelter
Ariel – dead mother, rebellious teen who runs away to be with a man
Bambi – raised by single mother who is murdered, has never met his absent father
Belle – dead mother, raised by single father
Cinderella – dead mother, raised by abusive Stepmother and neglectful, absent father
Dumbo – raised by a stigmatized, depressed single mother
Lilo – orphaned, raised by older sister
Nemo – dead mother, raised by single overprotective father
Pinocchio – wooden toy adopted by aged creator Gepetto
Pochahontas – dead mother, raised by single father
Simba – father murdered by uncle, raised by 2-male heads of household (meerkat and warthog)
Sleeping Beauty – parents transferred custody to 3 fairies
Snow White – dead mother, raised by abusive Stepmother and neglectful father
Tarzan – orphaned, resulting in a transracial and transspecies adoption by gorilla family

My Kids: Again!

2007-10-05T08:40:00.001-07:00

These are my kids. I know. Shockingly cute.

My Montage 10/2/07

The Power of Before and After

2007-10-04T14:47:00.000-07:00

I want to share with you an email that I just wrote to one of my former teaching colleagues at Gunderson High School. I share this because it’s a pretty remarkable story.

Hey Ron,

I am writing this email as a proxy for one of the young men I have been working with in our college and young adults group.

This young man was a former student at Gunderson. Unfortunately, after his time in high school, his life spiraled downward and he became quite addicted to drugs, including meth, which took a hold of his life. He is now sober for a number of months and is actively involved in Narcotics Anonymous, and is going through his 12-step program for the second time. He's making much progress.

Step 8 in the 12 steps, as you may know is the following:

I will make a list of all persons I have harmed, and I will become willing to make amends to them all.

At any rate, in searching through his past, this young man remembers being in your class and was upset with you, for some reason or another, and he saw that you had a bongo, or a small drum of some sort. And this young man stole the bongo. He now, some years later, wants to return the bongo, apologize to you for that act, and ask for your forgiveness.

I wanted to know if you would prefer the young man to do that in the form of a letter (from a distance) and have me return the drum to you, or if you would want him to return it to you in person.

I hope all is going well for you at Gunderson.

Thanks for your time,
DAT

I called and talked to Ron after I sent him this email, and his response was pretty shocking. Ron had a long history at Gunderson of being one of the sternest disciplinarians on campus. I half expected him to react in anger when I told him, something like, “Oh so finally! I find out who stole my drum! I’m going to call the cops!”

But his reaction wasn’t like that. He was floored. He stammered on the phone.

“I just can’t believe this,” he said. “I have never heard of something like this. I just can’t believe it.”

And it wasn’t because Ron was finally getting his drum back, after several years. It was because Ron was seeing first-hand the most important and awe-inspiring thing a human can ever witness – a changed heart.

You see, people don’t change. The older you and I get, the more we become who we are. We are like cement – the older we get, the more formed in our rigidity we are. Character defects that have been given space and permission in our lives harden. Virtues that have gone unpracticed slip away.

There’s even a few colloquial sayings about this — about how a leopard can’t change it’s spots, and how old dogs don’t learn new tricks.

But all that changes when Jesus gets a hold of a human heart. When God has the chance to really, truly get into someone’s heart, well, all bets are off. Hardened hearts change their tune, selfishness turns into selflessness and love of sin turns to repentance. In the words of a former slave owner who turned into an abolitionist – I once was lost, but now I’m found.

And this is what Jesus is all about. His life was one big lesson on how to connect with God in a way that will entirely transform us. This is a dangerous journey. In the words of the poet W.H. Auden – “We would rather be destroyed than change.”

But changing is what we must do if we are to ever grow.

Got a flat tire? It could cost you your life.

2007-10-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

This are pretty funny commercials from Goodyear.

My Kids

2007-10-02T15:07:00.001-07:00

These are my kids. I know. Shockingly cute.

My Montage 10/2/07

Ziman: Confession, Grace and Repentance...

2007-09-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

Note: A pic of my BFF Jonathan and his lovely wife Kari taken this year during their family vacation to New Jersey. Why someone would vacation in New Jersey is beyond me.

One of my buddies Jonathan Ziman is in seminary right now at Trinity in Chicago. He sometimes emails me ideas/thoughts/quotes from his classes. This one (I think taken from a class he's taking in Biblical counseling) is quite sobering.

"Confession doesn't get grace, repentance does, and continual sin will keep you from repenting. Faith is nourished by obedience, and disobedience deadens your faith."

Jonathan's commentary: I.E. - you can keep sinning and confessing your sin and then sinning some more and thinking the whole time that you are ok and its not a big deal and nobody is getting hurt because the sin is internal only, etc. etc. But in reality you are suffocating your soul and making it harder and harder to actually ever move towards repentance and grace. Powerful, and kind of scary thought really, don't you think?

Jeff Rev's Truck's Accident

2007-09-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

Editor's Note: One of my good buddies (and member of my Tuesday Night Men's Group) Jeff Rev drives a large Dodge truck. I always mock him about the impracticality of his vehicle choice. But then a few months ago he awoke to the sound of a car accident outside his condo, and ran downstairs to see this scene. He sent this email and picture to his friends. I believe the reddish substance in the gutter is oil and brake fluid, not blood. I only shudder to think what would have happened if this car had run into Jeff's truck.

Full Tank of Gas: $72.00
Bi-Weekly Car wash: $21.50
A Scion smashing into my truck without a scratch: Priceless

Todd Brown's Truisms

2007-09-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

A publicity photo that was taken, but never used of Todd and Danielle Brown and myself. One of the reasons it was never used is because it looks like we're all scowling.

In two days, our church is going to have its first annual FCC Worship Conference. Lincoln Brewster and Rick Muchow (from Saddleback) will be out here speaking along with Pastor Todd, FCC's worship leader. It's pretty exciting.

Today, I had the honor to help Todd hone his opening session speech. One of the reasons Todd rocks is that he just shoots straight from the hip. Although his stuff is probably copyrighted, I thought I'd share some of my favorite quotes from our meeting today. I call them Todd Truisms.

On Unity with the Senior Pastor
"If you feel like you're not on board with the Pastor's vision for the church, like you're trying to pull a mule, then don't lead some revolt. Be like David - hide in the mountains and if you get a chance to kill the King, don't take it."

On the Importance of Honesty in Church
"If you want people to worship and connect with God, you gotta be authentic. If you want them to shut down, be fake. It's either the H.S. or the B.S. You can't have both."

On the Importance of Honesty
"Be yourself. If you suck, talk to God and He'll make you better."

Funny, Fantastic and Moving

2007-09-05T11:09:00.001-07:00

Three adjectives I'd like to think apply to me, but they don't. But they do apply to the following three videos.

Funny:
This is just hysterical. Thanks to Jonathan Ziman for the link. If you're married, you will understand. If you are not, well, this might frighten you. I will warn you, this content is not appropriate for children or people without a sense of humor.

Fantastic:
Dave Matthews and his college roommate Tim Reynolds just came out with a new DVD, live from Radio City Music Hall. On that DVD is a song called "Eh Hee" which Matthews wrote after spending some time with the Khoi San people while he was in Africa with his family. What struck me about the song was the lyrics, which you can read here.

Strange evolution how people have come to believe
That we are its greatest achievement
Barely, we're just a collection of cells
Overrating themselves
God I'm avoiding the truth

WARNING: One of the lyrics says that the world is "f-ing" crazy. Which although true, is still strong language intended for adults only. Click here to watch this astounding piece of musical genius, embedded with some deep truths. God does have many names and the devil does seem to have many, many more. And like DMB, I would very much like to drop the devil to his knees.

Moving:
Which brings me to my final clip. I thought this was cheesy at first, and then overdone and melodramatic, but then at the end, I just started crying. Which is weird, because I was there in my office and one of my co-workers came up and I'm bawling. This is about 400 volumes of theology packed into a three minute dance/drama. Although the demons and temptations aren't the same, this is about as perfect an articulation of my relationship with Jesus as I've seen - which I why I probably started crying. You can see it below, but a larger version is available by clicking here.

I'm Ape for Phil Collins...

2007-08-31T11:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my buddy Josh Shipp for forwarding me this video.

It's great.

Click here to see it.

Back to School

2007-08-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

Author's Note: I was going through my old files and found this from from my first year of teaching. It was written on my third week as a teacher. Mike L. was suspended and expelled - not because he made terrorist threats in jest but because Mike burned all his bridges with those in authority. Still, I stand by my position, I think. And stand by my continual insistence that the school system, as is, is fundamentally unable to deal with the issue of character - only behavior. Which is why my friends who are educators (and who know something about character development) as so crucial. So cheers, to Ken, Scott, Jeff and Mel.

GUIDANCE/BEHAVIOR REPORT for Mike L.

Today, at about 2:30 p.m., I was given a form to fill out by the San Jose Unified School district in which I was supposed to list all the things I have observed in the three weeks that I’ve been teaching Mike L.

Apparently, Mike’s facing expulsion from the school for reasons I’m not sure I understand, but think go something like this: he was walking down the halls, boasting that he was going to “blow the school up” and a concerned student or two decided to tell their teacher about the incident, who in turn told the vice-principals, who in turn investigated. And now I’m here, trying to fill out a form about how and why Mike L. should be expelled.

And the form is easy to fill out. Heck, it practically writes itself. Under “achievement” I could write volumes about how Mike is a classic underachiever. He not only doesn’t do his homework, or do the out of class reading, but even getting him to do the in-class activities is like trying to get a pencil to bleed. The best-case scenario with Mike is that he’ll just sit there, staring ahead, saying nothing, fiddling with his pen. I can’t force Mike to write in his journal, or take a quiz seriously, or read the handout, and he’s certainly seemingly unwilling to put forth the effort.

His relationships with other students are strained. His loudness disrupts the whole classroom, and a lot of the students resent the way he turns the order and structure of the class into mumbled chaos. He doesn’t work well in groups at all, from what I’ve observed, because it seems nearly impossible for him to focus on anything for more than 4 seconds. The only time he opens his mouth to say something in class is either to draw attention to himself or insult a classmate. His language is laced with wildly inappropriate profanity and comments.

But here’s the problem. I can say all of those things (and they’re all true) but I don’t think any of those are reasons to expel him. The first thing that hops through my mind when I see Mike acting up again is not, “What’s wrong with this kid,” but instead, “What is this kid trying to get.”

Mike L. has a bigger personality than anyone I’ve ever met. He takes over every room he’s in. He’s disruptive, inappropriate and loud. But he isn’t complex. He’s not evil, or malicious. I don’t imagine he sits in his room masterminding diabolical plots. He’s a kid - a scared little boy who yells and screams because he’s dying inside- dying for attention, dying for someone to listen to him, dying for lots of things.

It's true - Mike L. makes very poor life choices. But I don’t know if this is the best way to rehabilitate Mike L. What are we trying to show him? Confirm the sinking knowledge that he’s had that in this school are a set of adults who are just waiting to get him out of their hair? That the school district he’s in is filled with people who can’t wait to shove him off to another district?

Mike needs to learn a lot of lessons about what it means to be a man, an adult. He needs to learn to stop feeling sorry for himself. He needs to learn that his life’s path will consist of the choices that he’s making every single day.

I agree with all of those lessons. But my fear is that this expulsion will not teach Mike those lessons, and that instead, he will learn about what it’s like to have adults point the finger, blame him, scold him and tell him what a mess-up he is.

And I’m pretty sure that’s one lesson he doesn’t need to learn again.

Justice!

2007-08-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

There was a show on a few years back called "The Equalizer." The Equalizer (Robert McCall) is a former agent of a shadowy, unnamed government agency, who is trying to make up for the unspoken sins of his past. His atonement comes in the form of an advertisement in the New York Yellow Pages that features this quote - "GOT A PROBLEM? ODDS AGAINST YOU? CALL THE EQUALIZER!"

I don't remember much about the show, but I do remember that at the end of every show, the bad guy really got what was coming for him.

There's something intensely satisfying about this.

Which is why I nearly cheered when I read this story. The US State Department has changed its rules for passport acquisition. Now, it will deny a passport to any non-custodial parent who owes more than $2,500 in child support. To get a passport, you have to pay.

In all, states have reported collecting at least $22.5 million through the program thus far in 2007. The money is then forwarded to the parent to whom it is owed.

"For us, it's been amazing to see how people who owe back child support seem to be able to come up with good chunks of money when it involves needing their passport," said Adolfo Capestany, spokesman for the state of Washington's Division of Child Support. "Folks will do anything to get that passport, so it is a good collection tool."

Finally, mothers and children who have been abandoned by the father get some recompense. The Equilizer would be proud.

You can read the story here.

Idolize Sports Much?

2007-08-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm a mild baseball fan. And since I live in the Bay Area, let me tell you, the hype surrounding Barry Bonds' quest to break Hank Aaron's all-time home run record really has reached a fever pitch (haha, get it. Pitch. Baseball. Anyway).

But the day Bonds tied Aaron, this was the headline at ESPN.com.

Bonds Moves Into Eternity; Assumes MLB Home Run Record.

Umm.

Eternity.

Really?

Eternity?

I mean, I'm all for hyperbolic sports headlines, but come on. First of all, theologically, I'm not sure there's any religion that has a God who values hitting baseballs enough to grant eternal life. But even in terms of human history, this is hardly on the scale of say, the Incans inventing a calendar or the Roman aqueduct engineering.

Sheesh.

Explanation of a Name

2007-07-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have said to me already, “Jaelle. I’ve never heard that name before.” And they probably haven’t because Nicole and I made it up – kind of. So this post is an attempt to answer why we named our daughter what we did.

The name is taken from a woman in the Old Testament in the Book of Judges, whose Hebrew name was Jael. The problem with that name is that if said too quickly, it sounds like “Jail.” And you don’t want your kid named something that phonetically sounds similar to prison. So Nicole, who lived in France her junior year of college, had the great idea to feminize the name by adding the French suffix “elle” - which means woman. So the name “Jaelle” was birthed.

Now, about the significance of the name. Last summer, FCC did a sermon series called “SuperHeroes” in which we looked at several people from the Bible who went down in history as heroes of the faith for various reasons. One of the featured heroes was Deborah, a woman from the Old Testament who settled legal disputes for the people of Israel and who became known for her fairness and wisdom.

In Judges 4, we see a scene unfold that has dramatic consequences for Israel. Israel was being severely oppressed under the reign of Jabin, the King of the Canaanites and Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s vast and powerful armies. The text says that the Canaanite army had 900 iron chariots, which seems like a petty detail, but which reveals that the Canaanites had iron technology, and we know from history that at this point, the Israelites didn’t. And fighting iron with wood is not usually a good idea. So the Israelites are being hopelessly oppressed by a nation with a military that is far superior.

So the people cry out to God, and in time, the Lord comes to Deborah and tells her to give Barak, the commander of Israel’s army, a message. So Deborah goes to Barak and tells him, “The Lord has the following message to you. Go fight the Canaanites to the Kishon River, and there, I will deliver their army into your hands.”

Barak is understandably hesitant. This is a suicide mission, and the chances of winning that kind of battle are miniscule. So Barak doesn’t want to take any chances. Instead of believing that God will do what He said, Barak decides to take along Deborah as an insurance policy. Surely, God wouldn’t let a prophetess get killed in battle, right? In fact, Barak says, “You go, I go. You don’t go, then neither will I.”

Deborah sighs and pronounces this message. “I will go with you. But because of the way you are going about this, the honor will not be yours, for the LORD will hand Sisera over to a woman.”

The idea here is that Barak could have gotten the honor, if only he had believed what God was promising. But because it looked impossible, Barak had a tough time mustering the courage. And who could blame him? Humanely speaking, it was an impossible feat. But what Barak forgot is that with God, all things really are possible. And impossible situations turn around when God gets in the mix.

Meanwhile, the story continues. The Israelite army marches out to the Kishon River to do battle with the Canaanite army. The site of the battle was close to some land occupied by a clan of people led by a man named Heber. Heber and his people were descendents of Moses’s brother-in-law. Though technically Jewish, and part of the nation of Israel, Heber knew that the Canaanites were far superior, so he had entered into an unholy alliance with King Jabin and the Canaanites. The armies marched forth toward this area of land occupied by Heber and his people.

Meanwhile, God is at work. He causes thick rains to fall, flooding the Kishon River. The ground is very damp, and Sisera attacks, but damp ground + heavy iron chariots = disaster. The chariot advantage is entirely eliminated and text says “All the troops of Sisera fell by the sword; not a man was left.”

But Sisera escapes, and runs away, pursued by thousands of Israelite soldiers. Sisera runs into the tent of Heber, who he knew had formed an uneasy alliance with King Jabin, in an attempt to hide. This is what the text says:

Judges 4
18Jael went out to meet Sisera and said to him, "Come, my Lord , come right in. Don't be afraid." So he entered her tent, and she put a covering over him.

19 "I'm thirsty," he said. "Please give me some water." She opened a skin of milk, gave him a drink, and covered him up.

20 "Stand in the doorway of the tent," he told her. "If someone comes by and asks you, 'Is anyone here?' say 'No.' "

21 But Jael, Heber's wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.

22 Barak came by in pursuit of Sisera, and Jael went out to meet him. "Come," she said, "I will show you the man you're looking for." So he went in with her, and there lay Sisera with the tent peg through his temple-dead.

I remember the first time I read that story. I thought to myself, “Man, that is hard-core.” And it is. Like Eowyn in “The Lord of the Rings.” Only this story actually happened. And I remember thinking, “If I have a daughter, that’s the kind of girl I want her to be!” Not in the blunt-force trauma kind of murderer kind of way – but the metaphorical power of this woman’s life. There were four things that really struck me about the life of Jael.

If I Had a Hammer. Jael was a woman that must have possessed intense physical strength. You know how strong you have to be to drive a tent-peg through a man’s cranium? Hopefully, you don’t. But I imagine you have to be ripped. As in Linda Hamilton in T2 ripped.

Holding Out for a Hero. There aren’t many female military heroes in any culture, let alone in Jewish history. Judges 5 records the Song of Deoborah, in which Deborah tells, in graphic, taunting detail, the actions of Jael. I can imagine little Jewish girls everywhere getting an education on what it means to really be a woman. Jael must have been like Wonder Woman – finally someone without a penis getting into the Halls of Justice.

I Pledge Allegiance. Even though her husband had made an alliance with an evil King to protect his family, Jael knew where her allegiances lay. For her, there was no confusion. The fog of pragmatism didn’t set in, like it had for her husband. She had moral clarity and she acted.
Isn’t it Ironic. I also love the fact that God used a woman to bring down the commander of the most powerful army in the region. 900 iron chariots vs. one iron tent peg. The lesson of the entire Book of Judges is clear – God uses the most unlikely and unimpressive characters to do great and fantastic things – if they’ll let Him.

So that’s why we chose “Jaelle.”

Her middle name is easier to explain. My mom’s name is Kay, and Nicole’s mom’s middle name is Kathryn. So we combined them, creating yet another fictitious name of “Kaythryn.”

The Birth of Jaelle Kaythryn Tieche

2007-07-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning, at 3:11 a.m. my wife gave birth to our second child (and first daughter). She was 6 pounds, 11 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. Mommy and baby (and new Big Brother) are doing fine.

If you'd like to see more pictures, you can see a slideshow I put together by clicking below:

Large 100MB

Smaller 32MB