The Birth of Jaelle Kaythryn Tieche

As told by her father, David Tieche

Friday, July 20th, 2007
6:51 p.m. – Nicole's mother (Terry) and step-dad (Rex) arrive at the Tieche household. Terry had been out at a conference in Denver, and took Rex with her and then the two of them drove across country, up to tour Napa and then down to San Jose.

8:30 p.m. – Dave has the idea for the entire family to take a walk down the street to Baskin Robbins for "Dollar Cone Fridays." Turns out it’s "Dollar Cone Tuesdays" and only at participating locations, which this one was not. The bill is $12.50.

10:30 p.m. – Nicole, Terry and Dave sit down to watch an episode of Frasier. That show always makes Dave laugh out loud. Best line from the show. Niles walks in and says, “Sorry I’m late Frasier. This whole conflict at work has really gotten to me. You know me, normally I’m unflappable.” To which Frasier responds, “Niles, if you were any more flappable, we’d have to lower you to half-staff for Memorial Day.” Dave silently mourns the loss of such witty dialogue in the modern world.

10:32 p.m. – Nicole brings her laptop over to the couch to enter in, in her words, “One last PartyLite show.” “Are you seriously working the day before your due date,” Dave asks her. “There’s no maternity leave when you own your own business,” Nicole retorts, without looking up.

10:59 p.m. – Nicole finishes her work, puts her laptop away and then sits down next to Dave on the couch and says, “You know, I don’t think there’s anything left to do.” Dave adds, “Except, you know, actually have the baby.” “Yes, and that,” Nicole says. Dave wonders if the psychological comfort of having her mother arrive could somehow trigger the labor. But being a thoroughly modern man, who reads the newspapers, Dave swiftly dismisses such an unscientific, and therefore implausible idea.

11 p.m. - Nicole says she feels "uncomfortable." Dave says he feels uncomfortable, too, but mainly because Rex is walking around with his shirt off. Nicole says that’s not what she’s talking about.

11:20 p.m. – Nicole continues to get progressively "uncomfortable" and is unable to sit on anything except the big red exercise yoga ball. Nicole also begins getting irritable, and slowly begins to find Dave’s joke not amusing. Dave knows that something *must* be going on, because his material is solid.

11:35 p.m. – Nicole's stomach begins hardening as her uterus, the giant muscle that it is, is contracting. Dave thinks it feels freaky. He gets out his cell phone to send out a pre-written text message to the four distribution lists he had set-up on his phone earlier in the week. Nicole tells him to put his phone away. “We don’t know anything. I don’t even know what’s going on. This is between me and me.” Dave makes the wise choice to put his phone away.

11:51 p.m. – Dave decides on his own initiative, without any permission from Nicole at all, to call Labor & Delivery at Kaiser. He talks to Monique, the RN in charge of the floor. Monique wanted to make sure that Nicole’s contractions were not caused by dehydration. “Dehydration?” Dave thought. “The woman is full-term. What do you think she’s doing? Running marathons?” Dave did not actually say that out loud. He does not often joke around when dealing with medical people. To be sure it wasn’t false uterine contractions caused by dehydration, Monique told Dave to have Nicole drink three large glasses of water in 15 minutes.

11:54 p.m. – Dave goes to the kitchen, pours three large glasses of water. He is mildly pleased with himself at the degree of his helpfulness at this point.

Saturday, July 21st, 2007

12:06-12:21 a.m. - Nicole downs 3 large glasses of water. Per previous note, she glares at Dave when he stands on the bed, pumping his fist and chanting, “Chug, Chug, Chug!” Dave now knows for sure something *must* be wrong because come on, people, that’s funny.

12:25 a.m. – Following the instructions of Monique, Nicole moves red yoga ball into the shower and gets in. Monique advised to let the cascading waterfall of warm water attempt to soothe and relax Nicole. “Her body is getting ready to expel something the size of a small watermelon through something the size of a lemon,” Dave said. “How soothing and relaxing do you think warm water is?” Again, Dave did not actually say this out loud.

12:38 a.m. – Dave calls Margarita Heuser, the nurse in charge of Labor & Delivery at Kaiser (who also happens to be a member of FCC). He is not sure why he’s calling her. She advises him to tell Nicole to drink 3 large glasses of water and then take a warm shower. Dave figures she must be towing the Kaiser party line.

12:55 a.m. – Nicole gets out of shower. Her contractions are getting stronger.

12:56 a.m. – Dave, who has been lying down resting his eyes, gets out of bed after getting reprimanded by Nicole.

12:57 a.m. - Honestly, what was Dave supposed to do while Nicole was in the shower? Sit on the toilet seat cover in a towel and pretend it's a Turkish steam room?

12:58 a.m. – I mean, seriously, is not “getting rest” a valid course of action for a future father to take in this situation?

12:59 a.m. – I mean, tell me if I’m way off base here.

1:04 a.m. – Dave calls Labor & Delivery to talk to Monique again. Monique tells Dave to have Nicole get dressed in pajamas and then lie down and attempt to get some rest, “The contractions might just go away or she might have the baby tonight,” Monique says. “But if they don’t go away, call us to come in when they get about 10 minutes apart.” Dave thinks this is a lot like a weatherman saying, “There might be snow and earthquakes, or there might not.”

1:05 a.m. – Nicole lies down in bed at the advice of Monique. “I really don’t think I’m going to be able to fall asleep,” Nicole says.

1:26 a.m. – Nicole wakes up, awakened by the pain of an intense uterine contraction. Dave, however, does not wake up, because he does not have a uterus, let alone one that is contracting.

1:46 a.m. – Nicole has another contraction. The contractions are still 20 minutes apart. At this point, Nicole is breathing quite heavily and is leaning over the vanity in the bathroom, gripping it as though she is going to tear it from the wall and heave it through the air.

1:59 a.m. – Another contraction. 13 minutes apart. Dave is lightly dozing. He figures he’ll get up if Nicole screams for him. But Nicole is not really making any noise.

2:09 a.m. – Another contraction. 10 minutes apart. Nicole is now breathing quite heavily and its clear that the intensity of the contractions is getting stronger. She tells Dave that she’s lost track of the time, but that she thinks the contractions are about 10 minutes apart.

2:18 a.m. – Dave calls Monique in Labor & Delivery. Monique tells Dave to bring Nicole in. He figures it’s now safe to send out the text message to the four distributions lists.

2:19 a.m. – Dave wakes up Terry. He also puts the yoga ball and Nicole’s pre-packed hospital bag in the trunk of the car. Adrenaline pushes through Dave’s veins. He was made for this! Get ready to rumble!

2:24 a.m. – Nicole finally finishes putting on her slippers. Dave realizes this process may take longer than he thought. Nicole’s contractions are now like playing “Red Light, Green Light.” When she’s *not* having contractions, you can move. When she is having contractions, all persons must immediately cease all movement, or they will be dismembered. This makes it particularly difficult to move, say, down a long hallway toward the Toyota Camry in the garage.

2:25 a.m. – Nicole moves out of the bathroom in the bedroom toward the hallway. Green Light!

2:26 a.m. – Contraction by the hallway thermostat. Red Light!

2:28 a.m. – Nicole is able to move again. Green Light! She moves from the hallway into the kitchen. Gets to the kitchen table, when she feels another contraction coming. Red Light!

2:30 a.m. – Nicole moves from the kitchen table to the door leading to the garage. Green light!

2:31 a.m. – Nicole is in the garage! Dave puts up the garage door to realize that Terry and Rex’s rental car is blocking the way. “I’ll move it, lickity-split,” Dave says, and runs around the front of the car. Just then, Nicole has a contraction. Red Light!

2:33 a.m. – The contraction has passed! Dave runs to go get Rex’s keys. Rex roused from sleep, quickly hands them to Dave. Dave races down the hall, through the kitchen, into the garage. Just then, Nicole feels another contraction coming. Red Light!

2:35 a.m. – Dave moves Rex’s blue Plymouth Cruiser out of the driveway in record time. Terry gets in the backseat of the Camry. Dave opens the door for Nicole. Another contraction! Red Light! This is fun! Not really!

2:39 a.m. – Finally get Nicole in the car. The three begin the 3-minute trek to Kaiser. Dave drives carefully, but swiftly. Dave knows that if Nicole has another contraction, he will probably have to stop the car.

2:41 a.m. – Red Light! No, I mean, an actual red light. But no one is coming and if Dave stops and waits, he may never get to the hospital. Dave runs the red light. The adrenaline surge from this forbidden act is electric.

2:45 a.m. – The three arrive at Kaiser. Nicole is now really in pain. A medical assistant from the Labor & Delivery wing comes down with a wheelchair, and attempts to wheel Nicole around, but every time a contraction comes, Nicole has to stand up. The medical assistant reaches out to touch Nicole. Dave instinctively steps back. You mess with the bear, you get mauled, you know what I’m saying. But in a Zen moment, the assistant massages Nicole’s lower back, in precisely a way that helps and relieves pain. Dave thinks that they must have a whole course on this in med school.

2:50 a.m. – Nicole, Dave, Terry and the Medical Assistant are now in the elevator. Another contraction comes and Nicole stands up. The magic massaging medical assistant rubs the small of Nicole’s back, and then leans in an tells her to “ride that wave.” Dave almost laughs out loud. He thinks of other sayings that would be equally fun to say in such a situation, such as “chase that beast” or “slay that dragon.” Dave wisely decides not to share these ideas.

2:53 a.m. – The elevator doors open, and Dave helps Nicole into the hallway. He can see the entrance to Labor & Delivery. For the first time, Dave begins to get a bit worried. The last time this happened (when Justus was born) Nicole was in about this much pain, and she was already dilated at 7 cm. The anesthesiologist was barely able to get the epidural in. In addition, Nicole had tested positive for Strep B, a bacteria that could be transmitted to the baby through the blood in her uterine walls and so they had to set up a drip IV to get the baby antibiotics before Nicole could push. All this takes time, and the way that things were going, Dave wondered if there is enough time for all that to happen.

2:55 a.m. – Nicole and Dave are put in Recovery Room 3 because there are no delivery rooms available. Nicole immediately goes over to an adjustable table and leans on it. The admission nurse asks Nicole her Social Security Number. Shockingly, in the midst of agonizing pain, Nicole is able to rattle off the number. Dave thinks science really should look into that.

2:56 a.m. – Monique tells Nicole that she has to lie down on the bed so that they can determine how dilated she is. The medical assistants hand Dave Nicole’s clothes. Dave looks up and realizes his wife is not in her pajamas anymore, but is in a hospital gown. Dave is astounded. When did they have time to change Nicole’s clothes? How did they do this without him noticing? It is then that Dave begins to theorize that perhaps Kaiser hires ninjas.

2:57 a.m. – Dave notices for the first time that there is a woman in Delivery Room 3 and her husband, who is sleeping on the floor. The woman is not in active labor. A medical assistant comes in and begins to move this woman and her husband into another room. Monique continues to insist that Nicole lie down to be examined.

2:58 a.m. – Nicole agrees to lie down. But just as she does…

2:59 a.m. – Another giant contraction comes in. Nicole stands up, and suddenly, there is a giant splash, as though someone threw a water balloon at Nicole’s feet. Obviously, those kinds of shenanigans don’t happen in Delivery Rooms, so Dave comes to the quick conclusion that it must mean that Nicole’s water broke. The Hospital Ninjas leap into action, and 5 or 6 come out of nowhere pulling in machinery and bringing in supplies. On a side note, Dave briefly laments that when her water broke, Nicole was wearing the new plush comfortable slippers that Dave had bought her as a present. Dave wonders if Tide gets out amniotic fluid.

3:00 a.m. – After that doozy of a contraction had passed, Nicole agrees to lie down and be examined by Monique. The last time her water broke with Justus, Nicole was about 7cm. Dave wishes the epidural guy would hurry up.

3:01 a.m. – Monique examines Nicole. “She’s at 10 cm, and the baby is at plus 2 position,” she yells out. “10 centimeters!” Dave says. “What about the epidural.” “Epidural?” Monique says. “We don’t have time for an epidural. In 10 minutes, this baby is going to be born.” Dave nearly faints.

3:02 a.m. – Near panic sets in for the Tieche family. Okay, maybe not Nicole, but definitely Dave. Chris, the nurse midwife who will be delivering the baby, steps into the room, all scrubbed up. “Okay, let’s have this baby,” she says. “I don’t know what to do,” Nicole said. “When the next contraction comes, you’re going to push,” Kris said. “Okay,” Nicole said. Dave just stood there, wondering maybe if he could get an epidural.

3:03 a.m. – Massive Contraction During the Pushing Phase (MCDPP) 1 gets ready to hit. Nicole grabs Dave’s hand. Dave wasn’t ready. In training, Dave had learned to only give Nicole two fingers; otherwise, with the freakish strength accompanying her adrenaline surges, Nicole could pulverize Dave’s hand. Especially if he was wearing his wedding ring. Dave now has four seconds to remove his wedding ring and give his wife his hand. If he doesn’t, Dave might have to experience mild sharp pain for a minute. Maybe longer. Will he make it? Will he?

3:04 a.m. – He does. Nicole pushes. “The baby’s head is crowning,” Kris tells Nicole. “It really burns,” Nicole says. Dave wonders to himself, “Burns? Burns how? Burns like an actual burn, or like a deep muscle cramp?” Later, his mother-in-law would tell him that it feels as though everything is ripping apart down there. Yeah. That would burn.

3:05 a.m. – Massive Contraction During the Pushing Phase (MCDPP) 2 gets ready to hit. Nicole braces herself. When it hits, she grabs Dave’s hand and squeezes with a force that would make the Incredible Hulk look like a schoolyard sissy. Dave still has the bruise. Seriously.

3:07 a.m. – Massive Contraction During the Pushing Phase (MCDPP) 3 hits. The baby’s head, which is the biggest part of the body, is pushing its way out. This is the most difficult part of the delivery and for the first time, Nicole yells in pain. The baby’s head and right shoulder are now out.

3:08 a.m. – Nicole lays back. “One more push, and the rest of the baby will come out,” Kris tells Nicole. “One more push!”

3:09 a.m.—Nicole gets ready for Massive Contraction During the Pushing Phase (MCDPP) 4. MCDPP4 comes. Nicole pushes. Now the baby’s abdomen is out. All that is left are the legs and feet.

3:11 a.m. – Massive Contraction During the Pushing Phase (MCDPP) 5. The baby comes out the rest of the way. Nurse Midwife Kris puts the baby on Nicole’s chest.

3:12 a.m. – Dave and Nicole realize that in all the excitement, they didn’t check to see if they had a boy or a girl.

3:13 a.m. – Dave lifts up the leg of the baby, and moves the umbilical cord. The first sentence that he said out loud when Justus was born was “I see a penis.” This time, his first sentence is “There are lots of folds and wrinkles.” Terry fills in the blanks, proclaiming, “It’s a baby girl!”

3:14 a.m. – Terry and Dave cry a little bit. Nicole is busy, you know, passing the placenta.

3:15 a.m. – Dave cuts the umbilical cord. The doctors hand the baby girl to Nicole and Dave kisses his wife on the forehead. The new addition to the Tieche family has arrived. Dave has never been more proud of his wife. He wonders if it’s possible to be more proud of a person. He also wonders if maybe he can get something for his hand. Seriously, it kind of hurts.