Father's Day 2008: Not Exactly What I Had in Mind

So every Father's Day for the past couple of years, Nicole's side of the family has this patriarchal gathering at her Uncle Kurt's house in Redlands. Her 80-year-old grandparents fly in from Florida, her brother drives in from LA, her Dad and step-mom drive down from San Francisco, and we make the 6-hour trek down to San Bernardino county.

Let me recount the weekend's festivities:

DAY 1:

1. We left for LA, excited because this was the first trip in our new Honda Odyssey mini-van.

2. It was also the first time that we attempted to take a 6-hour car trip with two kids both under the age of three.

3. Halfway down to LA, Nicole suddenly began to get a fever.

4. About four hours into the trip, Nicole had developed a fever of 102.5

5. After describing the symptoms to her over the phone, Nicole's mom, who is an RN, made an over-the-phone diagnosis that Nicole had pneumonia.

DAY 2:

1. While our relatives were watching the kids, I took Nicole to the Urgent Care in Fontana.

2. I discovered that the general rule of thumb in Urgent Care is "If it isn't urgent, we don't care."

3. After waiting an hour, I was able to convince the nurses that my wife really was sick.

4. After determining that Nicole's lungs were indeed filling up with fluid, and that she had decreased capacity in her right lung, the doctor prescribed some anti-biotics.

5. The doctor also prescribed some cough syrup that contained an opiate related to codeine and vicodin.

6. I put Nicole to bed after having her take the antibiotic and the cough syrup containing the opiate in the codeine family.

Day 3

1.We discover that Nicole is really allergic not only to codeine, but all opiates in that family.

2. Nicole has a very bad allergic reaction to this opiate, and gets an incredibly bad headache.

3. This headache was so severe, it makes Nicole nauseous and she starts throwing up.

4. After talking with Nicole's mom, we decide to stop giving Nicole the medicine with the opiate in it because it appears to be killing her.

5. Nicole sleeps most of the day.

Day 4:

1. Although that codeine derivative really reacted poorly with Nicole's body chemistry, it did an exceptional job knocking her out, allowing her to sleep comfortably.

2. Without it, she didn't sleep very well.

3. Neither did I.

4. Jaelle decides to wake up at 5:51 a.m.

5. I get up with Jaelle, and decide to drive around, to kill time until everyone gets up. I try McDonald's New Iced Coffee. It's pretty good. I drink a large, just to stay awake.

6. Nicole is miserable and sleeps most of the day.

Day 4:

1. Nicole still not feeling much better.

2. I realize that there is no way I can mentally or emotionally handle driving six hours in a car with my sick wife and two kids under the age of three.

3. We pow-wow as a family and someone suggests I buy a one-way ticket from Ontario, CA to San Jose. I go to Southwest.com and find a ticket for $100. I could drive back to San Jose with Justus while the rest of her family could help watch Jaelle while Nicole rests. Then, Nicole could travel on the one-hour flight with Jaelle. Sure, it's tough, but it's one hour of misery instead of six or seven.

4. Nicole agrees to this plan of action. So does her family.

5. Which is good because I already bought the ticket. She leaves at 7:40 p.m. and lands at 8:50 p.m.

6. I pack up everything in the car and get ready to do my impersonation of Speed Racer.

7. I prepare my secret weapon for the car ride. If Justus gets antsy, I have a portable DVD player that Pastor Bill loaned me, coupled with the movie "Monsters Inc."

8. I leave Redlands at 1:12 p.m. From here on out, I have 390 miles to go, so I count in miles, not time.

9. After 90 miles of singing, talking, and eating together, Justus tells me that he wants to get out of his car seat. I pull out the secret weapon and hand him "Monsters Inc." Justus is excited.

10. I pull over to get gas and some energy drinks and hook up the DVD player for Justus.

11. The DVD player doesn't work! What? What? How could this tragedy befall me? I was so careful in my preparation!

12. Justus begins crying because I promised him Monsters Inc. This is not good.

13. I ask the gas station clerk if there is a Best Buy or anything nearby. He says, "There's a Wal-Mart right down this road a half a mile."

14. I drive to this Wal-Mart, put Justus in a cart, run into the electronics department, buy the cheapest DVD player I can, pay for it at the electronics counter and run out of the store. This takes 8 minutes, maybe.

15. I hook up the DVD player and the headphones and Monsters Inc.

16. I find it vaguely ironic that a movie about monsters is actually the least scary of all the Pixar movies for my three-year old. The only parts he gets nervous about is the Mr. Waternoose, who is a scary crab-looking guy.

17. Mile 180 - Justus is done with the movie and that third McDonalds Iced Coffee is really moving me. We stop for a brief respite. I buy another Iced Coffee.

18. Justus asks me if he can watch the movie again. I don't care if it does rot his brain, we'll read and do math puzzles when we get home. I press play again.

19. Mile 280 - Justus is done watching Monsters Inc for the second time. He has got to be tired, I figure. I am right. He falls asleep. I have at least an hour, which could be up to 80 miles, depending on my speed. I push down on the accelerator. Things are looking up! Nicole is on the plane in 30 minutes!

20. Mile 320. Justus wakes up. What? That was like 30 minutes.

21. Nicole calls. Her flight has been delayed 2 hours. She is freaking out because she is all alone in an airport with Jaelle, and she has pneumonia. She starts to cry. This is bad.

22. Mile 321. I realize that I am completely and utterly helpless. I can't help Nicole. I can't fix her problem. I can't send someone to help her because chances are TSA wouldn't let them through without a boarding pass. There is nothing I can do. Well, almost nothing. I give Nicole a pep talk. Along the 5, to pass the time, I listened to a whole bunch of AM radio. One of the stations had this pastor who was talking about the difference between knowledge, belief and trust. Knowledge, he said, is when you know or can articulate a set of facts. Belief is when you take that set of facts and decide to intellectually assent to them, and trust is when you start living your life based on that set of facts. Christians, this pastor said, often know about God but don't believe or trust Him.

"Can you give me an example of how this plays out in the real world," the interviewer asked.

"Sure," the pastor said. "It's like worry. In Matthew 6, Jesus tells us not to worry and he even gives us the reason why we shouldn't worry - because there is a God who knows us and cares for us and acts on our behalf. And yet, lots of Christians worry all the time. They know the facts, but aren't living their lives based on this reality."

I remembered this line as worry about Nicole and Jaelle began flooding over me. I told Nicole, "Well, it does no good to worry, because Jesus tells us not to. I believe that you can make it through this. Either a kind stranger will come and help you out, or Jaelle will fall asleep, or God will give you the courage and patience and strength to tend to her and make it through this situation, even though you have pneumonia. So Justus and I will pray for you, and we'll call you back in a little bit to give you a bit more encouragement."

This pep talk helped Nicole. I was glad because frankly, I didn't have anything else. Justus and I began to pray for Mommy and baby Jaelle.

23. Mile 353. Almost through the infamous Pacheco Pass. All of a sudden, I look up and about a 1/2 mile ahead of me, a black SUV drifts left of center directly into the path of a semi-truck. There's a huge explosion, and everyone slams on their brakes.

24. Shaken up a bit, I realize that the overturned semi is completely blocking the road. Knowing that this is the main thoroughfare to 101, and that I have less than an hour to get to the airport now, I turn around and make the first turn down the first country road I see.

25. After navigating by attempting to go West at any chance I get, I navigate on small farm roads, eventually getting myself to what appears to be a semi-major road. I keep going West.

26. I call Jon on my phone, hoping that he picks up and isn't busy. He does. "Dude, I need you to GoogleMap some stuff and help me find 101." I say. I give him landmarks and road names and he helps me navigate through to the 101.

27. Mile 387. I pull into my garage. Unload everything, frantically clean the house, turn on the A/C, get Justus some food, and call Nicole. She is about to board, and sounds chipper. I am encouraged that she is encouraged.

28. After vacuuming, doing the dishes, making the bed, cleaning the bathrooms, doing the dishes, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the counter, and doing two loads of laundry, I sit down on the couch to watch the second half of the Lakers/Celtics game. I watch Kobe single-handedly win the game with his defense.

29. I hop back in the car to go pick-up Nicole. Baby Jaelle is asleep, and Nicole is not doing too bad for having just traveled by herself on an airplane with an infant. I drive home, and put everyone to bed, then collapse into bed myself

Epiphany
I realized something from this frantic, crazy day. I realized that being a Father doesn't mean what I used to think it means. I thought being a Father meant that you had to be strong, always know how to fix everything, and be able to navigate around the problems of life.

The problem is that there are some storms of life you can't navigate around. And sometimes, you can't even protect your family from them. When the going gets tough, in those situations, the tendency of us all is to turn inward and focus on ourselves.

But being a Father means that you put yourself aside and even when you don't feel like it, you dig deep and make sure that your family, your kids, your wife, have what they need. You do what you can to give something to them, even though you feel like you're on empty. You put yourself aside and encourage them, or help them, or meet their needs.

That's what Dads do.

It's funny - I imagined, going into Father's Day, that the perfect day would be to sit in a new easy chair as I chowed down on some tri-tip while watching the NBA Finals (with no interruptions) on my brand new 72-inch plasma TV.

But that night, as I walked around the house turning off the lights and making sure all the doors were locked, I looked at my wife (who was lying in bed properly medicated and safe at home), my daughter (snoozing in her crib with her pacifier and bunny blanket) and my son (snuggled up in his Curious George blanket).

And that's when I realized that this Father's Day was just...perfect.