Humor Column by Tieche Student Matt Olson...

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following article is an editorial humor column by one of my journalism students, Matt Olson, who is this quicky, thin-as-a-rail white kid with more wit and sarcasm than he knows what to do with. I included several of his snippets. I think they're funny.

Hard Work will Get you Jack Squat
Don’t believe people when they tell you that hard work and dedication will bring you sucess. Governor Swarzenegger recently vetoed a bill to make Special Education students exempt from the California Exit Exam. Let’s be honest - most Special Ed students are not going to pass it. Which means that the California public school system will not be allowing any of our hardworking special ed students to earn a high school diploma. Seems more than a bit mean-spirited, if you ask me.

Mrs. Iverson, In the Den, with the Candlestick
For their anniversary present, biology teacher Rob Iverson's wife bought him a trip to dive with Great White Sharks. It’s a good idea but its not the way I would have done it. I think poisoning him would have been quicker. Plus, I don’t know if most life insurance companies cover death by shark.

What’s Next: Wolves in a Car?
Movie piraters have been blamed for too long for the movie industry losing money. Pretty soon, though, I think people are going to have to start blaming the quality of movies themselves. Don’t believe me? According to IMDB.com, Hollywood is scheduled to release a blockbuster in the summer of 2006 starring Samuel L. Jackson about an assassin, bent on killing a witness who is in protective custody. In order to accomplish this fiendish act, the killer lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes while the plane is in flight. This is the actual plot, and I am not making any of this up. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, listen to the inventive title. The title of the film is: Snakes on a Plane. Snakes on a Plane. Oh yeah, this has masterpiece written all over it. I can’t wait for the sequel: Planes on a Snake.

For 400 dollars, I think I can get a bigger screen
Earlier this month, Apple introduced their newest member of the wildly popular music player, the Video iPod. With this, you can watch movies the way youve always wanted to: on a low-definiton 2-inch screen while sitting on the lightrail. Some people think it isn’t a great idea, but I know the last time I was watching a movie on a big screen HDTV, I was complaining about how good it looked and wishing I had an inferior alternative. Thank you, Apple.