You Don't Know Jack

I get these email newsletters in my Yahoo! inbox every couple of days from a wesbite called "The BabyCenter." Nicole and I signed up for it before Justus was born, so I imagine I've been getting these emails for almost two years now. I've read about 5 of them, and just read the headlines on most. I don't much get into it. Most of the time, the headlines are a bit too sensationalist. It'll read
• 10 Things You're Doing Right Now That Could Kill Your Baby
• Are You Ruining Your Child's Potential?
• Five Things You Must Do Or Your Toddler Will Turn Out Like Ted Kaczynski, or Worse, Carrot Top

So I admit, I don't read them too carefully. I figure I have enough anxiety in my life. I don't need more pressure. My friend Ken told me once that when his son was three, he was playfully peacefully outside one summer day and Ken went in to, you know, get a glass of lemonade or something, and came back and Ben was standing over by the back wall and the little garden they had. And Ben had this stuff all over his face. Like slime. And he was chewing. A snail.

Hey, the French do it.

The thing is, I know Ken's kid. He came out okay. So I figure Justus will probably fall off something and break something else and eat something else and he'll turn out okay.

So all this is to say that I got an email newsletter today that sort of interested me. It said, "Check out the top baby names from across the world." Here's what was interesting. In 10 of the 20 or so countries the newsletter listed, the name "Jack" was the top name. In Ireland, Australia, Norway, and England, for example, the top boy baby name is Jack. and in Italy it's "Giuseppe" which I think is Italian for "Jack."

Is this any wonder? I mean, think of all the big heroes today that are named Jack.

Jack Bauer
First off, there's the obvious. Jack Bauer. The man, at one point in season 2, was stipped naked, tortured until he was literally dead, then defibrillated back to life. He then breaks free of his rope, takes his torturer’s gun, gets the information he needs, and then kills all the bad guys. All this happens while he is naked.

That is impressive. Who wouldn't want a son like Jack.

Keifer Sutherland, starring as Jack Bauer in FOX's hit show "24." Here, Bauer poses menacingly against sepia-toned mountains which apparently contain a lethal nerve gas which will destroy the population of LA.


Jack Shepherd
Then, of course, we have Jack Shepherd, the doctor-turned-leader of that unfortunate band of castaways from Oceanic Flight 815. Jack has not only saved everyone's life on the island with his medical knowledge, but he's the go-to-guy when it comes to crucial decisions. He's frequently risking his own neck for everybody else. And in the first episode of the show, he was literally attempting to give himself stitches. Tell me that isn't bad-ass.

Matthew Fox, playing the lead character of Jack Shepherd in ABC's hit show "Lost." Shown here, Jack is fighting evil in the rain in a tight-fitting grey T-shirt. Like you do.

Jack Bristow
Although I don't watch the show Alias, those that do find the show quite addictive. And one of the main good guys in that show is the father of Syndney Bristow (played by Jennifer Garner). His name? You guessed it. Jack Bristow.



Jack Ryan
Of course, there's other famous Jacks as well. There's the star of Tom Clancy's wildly popular serial of books, Jack Ryan, who has been playing on the Silver Scrren by Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck. Not only in Jack a patriot who doesn't play games, he clears present dangers and when you really need a Red October, he doesn't just hunt for it, he finds. This is a man's man. Eventually in the books, Jack becomes president, just so he can stop running around to South American countries to free hostages from Columbia drug lords whom he must hit with large pieces of wood to knock away their uzi so he can run to the roof to jump onto the rung of a helicopter to escape.


Among other famous Jacks:

• Jack Johnson
• Jack Black
• Jack Daniels
• Jack in the Box

Write in if you can think of other famous Jacks that are worthy of inclusion in the "Jack Hall of Fame."