Really Bad Prom Poetry

For prom, my seniors came up with the idea of selling "Prom Grams." They're basically customized notes and flowers get sent to the person of your choice as a way of inviting folks to prom. The idea is to get students the courage up to ask people to prom. My students had a few teachers write love poems to include as options on the "Prom Grams." I was asked to write the stupid ones and so my students and I sat down and wrote about 10. We finally ended up with these four.

They're exceptionally bad, and I think rather humorous.

Richie's Legacy
Sometimes life is confusing
Like the time in 4th grade
When our teacher
Made us learn all the words to “La Bamba”
And I realized that they don’t really make much sense
But they sound good
And even though me asking you to prom
might not make sense
I still think it’s good
And that Richie Valens would want us to dance
“Soy Capitan”
I am the captain
And I need someone to sail with
Well, not sail with, literally
Literally I need someone to go with me to prom
And I was hoping that’d be you.
Do it for Ritchie.

THERE AREN’T WORDS

There aren’t words to describe how I feel
About you
Well, that’s not exactly true
There are words
But I’m not that good at English
And my vocabulary is rather basic.
I don’t know a lot of words
Like the word “vivisect”
I think it’s a science word
Or maybe the name of a girl I thought I once knew.
No, that was “Vivian.”
You see what I mean.
Not good.
At English.
So instead, I’m sending you this card
With a poem
Someone else wrote
Especially for you
Know that it’s from my heart
Or at the very least,
From the heart of the guy
Who wrote this poem.


REJECTION CONSIDERED

If you said no
And didn’t go with me to prom
My heart would feel
like a dog that just ate a whole bunch of grass
And is about to be sick
All over the tile
In the kitchen
The yellow pool of vomit
Making my mom slip
When she comes into the kitchen
With the groceries
That’s about how I would feel
If you didn’t go to prom with me.



YOU ARE LIKE

Your smile is like that flicker,
When the TV set comes on,
And I hear that awesome jingle,
Of that 70s Show theme song.

Your laugh is like a download
From the iTunes apple store,
That I got free from Pepsi,
When my cap was the one in four.

You’re cooler than a Jamba Juice,
You’re sweeter than Horchata,
You’re kinda like my hot cheetos,
Except you’re even hotter.

I love to spend time with you,
You’re the Jessica to my Nick
Except that unlike those two,
I don’t think that we’d split.

So in short, I think you’re awesome,
You’re totally da bomb,
So won’t you please consider,
Going with me to the prom.