Newest Addition to Tieche's List of Favorite-Favorite Movies

I have several mental lists that I keep of my favorite movies. Now, for me, there are my favorite movies, and then there is another, deeper category. I call this list my favorite favorite movies. The list of favorite movies changes frequently. But I don't frequently revise my list of favorite-favorite movies. For a movie or book or song to be a favorite-favorite movie for a person, it usually has to come at just the right time, speaking something into our lives that helps us and in some ways defining that moment.

Which is why movies like "The Incredibles" and "Shrek 2" - which were probably my two favorite movies of last year - probably won't make my list of favorite-favoritemovies. Favorite funny movies? Yes. Best comedies? Yes. But favorite-favorite? Probably not. Although folks have told me I resemble Mr. Incredible, and though I do aspire to be a super-human at some point in my life (a theologically accurate desire, I might add), the movie didn't uncover some deep part of my soul.

This might be premature, but I think I might have discovered a favorite-favorite movie.

It's called "Stand by Me.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "What? You've never seen that?"

No. No, I haven't.

I don't know where I was in the 80s. Apparently, I was spending far too much time in my Castle Grayskull playset, attempting to figure out how the Autobots, He-man and G.I. Joe could oust the Decepticons, Cobra and Skeletor and his henchmen from power of that sacred castle. But in 1986, I wasn't watching many movies. I didn't see Top Gun until college. Same with Ghostbusters (though I watched the cartoon). I guess my parents didn't take me out to see movies much. And since it was Rated R, and I was 11, most of my peers probably wouldn't have seen it either.

So when it came out, I missed the movie "Stand by Me."

I picked it up in the video store because I saw that it had recently been released onto DVD. It's a teenage cult classic for my generation, but I had never seen it. My wife had nearly every word memorized. She used to have posters of River Phoenix in her room. But I'd never seen it.

I'm kind of glad I waited. It's one of the finest coming-of-age stories I've ever seen. Like adolescence itself, it was childish, and yet unbelievably profound. It takes place in that time before girls take over your being. Movies don't usually grab my attention and touch me as deeply as this movie did. And I think the reason it's so powerful is because it's not about the plot, but about the characters. It's about boys.

TEDDY DUCHAMP (Corey Feldman): Teddy's father is abusive, taken to fits of rage and at one point held Teddy's ear to the stove, nearly burning it off. As a result, Teddy is filled with rage. The scene where he attempts to dodge a train shows how much he longs to escape the pain of life. One of most poignant moments in the film is when an adult insults his father, calling him a loony. Teddy goes nuts. It's unclear to me why Teddy turned so violent defending the father that was so physically abusive. Something deep was triggered, and at that age, it's usually about identity. Teddy keeps repeating, "My dad stormed the beaches of Normandy, you faggot, I'll kill you." There's a deep need in boys to have fathers they can look up to. When fathers do something terrible, that shakes a boy's confidence. It's unclear if Teddy's dad was actually in the war, or if that's something Teddy made up and is just clinging to. The war made his dad crazy, Teddy seems to theorize, which is why he hurt him. There has to be a reason why his father hurt him. Because if his dad is just crazy - if that's all his dad is - then that's all Teddy is. And he's not willing to accept that. The mantra he repeats about his dad's service might be the last remnant of hope Teddy has. That his dad, at core, before he went crazy, is a soldier and brave and heroic. Which means that Teddy has that in his blood too - to be brave, and good and heroic. Cutting down his father is removing the last strain of hope Teddy has in this world - that he's worth something and can be something good.

CHRIS CHAMBERS (River Phoenix): I have never seen a child-actor give a performance as good as River Phoenix does in this film. It was as though someone turned the camera on, and he was just honest. It was astounding. How a 12-year old can do that, I have no idea. I mean, Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense, Anna Paquin in The Piano, maybe Dakota Fanning in I am Sam and Elijah Wood in The War were all good, but this was extraordinary. It made me depressed, thinking he died so young and had so much potential. Chamber's big scene is when he admits that he stole the lunch money from school, and then got expelled. But he tells his best friend, Gordy (Wil Wheaton), a part of the story that no one knew: that plagued with guilt, and wanting to be a different type of boy, Chris returned the lunch money to a teacher, admitting to it. But the teacher kept the money, and bought a new dress with it, and turned Chris in. The scene where he attempts to deal with his past as a troubled boy trying to be a different type of young man, and trying to break free from the destructive paths because he knows he's better than that made me weep. He's crying, and at one point says, "I never thought that a teacher..." Here he was, fundamentally trying to do something good and a trusted adult betrays him. He is punished for trusting and doing what is right. And this nearly makes him want to give up entirely on life and on himself. What good is it to do what's right if adults treat me the same and look at me the same and I get the same result? As a teacher, this was a really sobering scene.

GORDY LACHANCE (Wil Wheaton): Gordy is the artistic, gifted child who can't compete for his father's attention with his older brother Denny (John Cusack) athletic prowess on the football field. But Denny is aware that his brother is a gifted writer and acts as a protective family buffer from their father's neglect. Denny offers Gordy the acceptance and affirmation about his writing that he needs. When Denny is killed in a jeep accident, Gordy has nothing to protect him in his family. He says, "I was the invsibile son." Gordy dreams that he's at his brother's funeral and as the casket is being lowered, his father says to him, "It should have been you, Gordy." It's unclear whether these words were spoken to Gordy, but clearly his father has articulated that message precisely, whether it's been spoken aloud or not. In the most moving scene in the movie, Gordy tells Chris that he hates writing. "That's your dad, talking," Chris says. Gordy protests, saying that writing is dumb and he wants to take shop classes to be with his friends. "You're not doing that," Chris says. "Oh, thanks, dad," Gordy shoots back.

I wish the hell I was your dad. You wouldn't be going around talking about taking these stupid shop courses if I was. It's like God gave you something, man. All those stories that you can make up. An' he said: this is what we got for you, kid, try not to lose it. But kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look after them. And if your parents are too fucked up to do it then maybe I should.

At the end of the movie, Gordy is sitting crying, repeating "My dad hates me. My dad hates me." Chris keeps saying, "Your dad doesn't know you."

I was a mess at this point. Just having had a son, I thought about all the wounds fathers have inflicted on their sons. And how many of the young men in my class are walking around with giant wounds, feeling - in the words of Willy Loman - "temporary about myself" because of their father's words and actions.

Overcoming those emotions is part of growing up, and getting past that pain is part of what it means to become an adult. Of course, there are a lot of men who never do get past those hurts.

I think in many ways, we're all looking for someone to put their arm around us and say, "I'm proud of you, son. You're a good person. And if somebody says different, don't listen to them. Because they don't know you."

It's the deepest need of young men.

And it's exactly what God whispers to us every day. How much I need to hear that...